I have eaten over a hundred dollars of food in the last hour I am vomit stained exhausted bloated and tired my face is wet with tears but all i want to do is eat as if I never will be able to again and that is how I feel right now that i have to get as much in as fast as possible because how will they react when I explain I will never be eble to eat a burger or deep fried food or chocolate because I am not normal I am not like others I can not be controlled not in this way I have been doing it so long and I will turn to devour everything. Im so scared this is like been an alcoholic, will i ever be able to have a single drink again or will that one drink push me over the edge as would a custard doughnut or a cream filled cake. Is it possible? Im so scared and I have to do this alone. No Theo to cry too and no one to blame if I fail but myself. This is my choice to recover and my life and if I lose really whos fault is it.
This is truly a dismal beginning.
I am planning or considering making and in patient blog of my hospital stay. I would write in it daily. I hope and pray my feelings will be more stable there.