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In an effort to try to do something productive this summer (aside from going to the gym 4-5 days of the week), I have bought a sewing machine and am teaching myself how to sew. After all the years in high school grumbing about how we were forced to learn how to sew, I have gone off and decided on this. I made a messenger bag out of pretty red brocade material. Although when you look closer, you can see that it isn't very well made. I made a lot of mistakes trying to make the pattern size bigger. But it still looks pretty from afar and it serves its purpose so I'll still use it. Soon I'll be making clothes that actually fit me like a glove! Never again will I be so frustrated because the pair of jeans that I want fits my legs perfectly yet is too tight at the waist. Stupid apple shaped body of mine. |
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| My emotional catharsisI was really bored waiting for Whitney to finish studying and to get out of the Sig Nu meeting that I accidentally walked in on. So I started Facebooking. I found a link to Ben's livejournal and curious to see how Japan was working out for him, I checked it out. From there I found his gf blog. Bad idea or not, I decided to find out the truth about the relationship I had had and if my suspicions that he had been cheating on me were actually true. I guess I just cant let go of the past. But how can I let something that has probably permantly affected me go? If any of you are interested: http://serendepity.livejournal.com/2004/08/27/ I was right. The funny thing was, telling from the dates, I was the other woman. Sure eventually he picked me which gives me a bit of an ego boost but I really am surprised. You think you know someone and then you realize that that person wasn't an honest or good person at all. I guess I feel the need to cling on to this because I am not over what he did to me. How can I be when I've only pushed it back into my subconsciousness. So I need to deal with this. It's starting to affect my realtionship with Whitney. I've told Whitney what had happened but never really talking about it. I told him just so he'd know but in a matter of fact way. I'm sure he's aware of how much it still affects me though. I pretend things don't bother me just so I don't have to deal with it anymore. I'll acknowledge it happened but nothing more. Of all the people I dated, it was Alex that had the most respect for me and the most honest, something I know Jay can't believe. But if he had the most respect for me, it makes you wonder how Ben treated me. He permanently scarred me and so on the outside, to him and everyone else, I get along with him, but in reality, I hate him. It'll be the first and last time I say this but i hate him for what he did to me.
It feels like a release of the emotions I bottle up inside, even if I'm just writing it down.
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| Procrastinating the stuff I have to do for Monday. What I can do today, put off for tomorrow! But seriously... Why would I want to be done early? then I have even more free time to kill away before going home. It would be alright if I had any MONEY for ALCOHOL for those extra days but, I'm broke. Maybe I can gamble my mother's money until I win some during winter break in Vegas. But now, I'm broke, procrastinating and I just want to go the FUCKING HOME!!! |
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| ARGH I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!!! stupid finals and papers and shit. |
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