So two nights ago I woke up at 4am in the morning with a very uncomfortable pain in my stomach. After tossing and turning for a few minutes, I finally got out of bed and, already awake, headed to the bathroom. The next hour and a half consisted of sitting on the toilet with the most unbearable pain in my stomach and abdomen that I've ever felt - the pain would come and go every few minutes but each time was just as terrible as the last time. While I was in the bathroom wondering if the next time the pain came I was going to live past it over and over again, even amidst the pain, God was speaking to me.
The day before I had just read a chapter out of C.J. Mahaney's book "Living the Cross Centered Life" entitled "What God Understands." Nathan and I have been reading through this book for our meetup times on Fridays at noon & time and time again I have been blown away by being confronted with the Gospel - the depth and majesty and beauty of the Gospel is drilling deeper and deeper into my heart and soul, and I've still only just scratched the surface. It's definitely understandable when a brother in Christ like David Prior says,
"We never move on from the cross, only into a more profound understanding of the cross," or Martin Luther says,
"The gospel cannot be preached and heard enough, for it cannot be grasped well enough," or when Paul in 1 Corinthians 9:16 says,
"Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!"Something that CJ points out in these last couple of chapters that Nathan and I have been reading was this: Jesus encountered an unbearable amount of physical, mental, and spiritual pain, dejection, and suffering in the garden and on the Cross so that all of us, including myself, might be righteous in the sight of God - that we may just
be with God. As Jesus was in the garden & as He made one cry out to God while on the Cross - "My God, my God! Why have You forsaken me?" He made it entirely clear to all of us that the most important thing in Jesus' life was - that He, Jesus, was with His Father wherever He went - and that this should be, above all else, our most important life's focus as well. Jesus paid for us to be with the Father forever, wherever we go.
CJ points this out in a few ways:
"[Jesus is] experiencing on the cross what no one in human history ever has or ever will experience. He's receiving what you and I should be receiving - His Father's full and furious wrath. He's experiencing what ever other human being in history deserves and what He alone does not deserve. And He's experiencing it alone. Have you ever felt TRULY alone?"
"He's alone so that we might never be alone. He cries out to God, 'Why have You forsaken Me?' so that you and I will never have to make a similar cry. He was cut off from His Father so that we can boldly say, 'Nothing shall separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.' He's forsaken so that we might be forgiven. Please don't ever grow overfamiliar with forgiveness. What a miracle it is! What a gift from God!"
"However, as we look to the cross and Gethsemane for this preparation [for suffering], there's a distinction we need to make: Our suffering does not truly compare to His...You and I will never be given this cup [that Jesus took] to drink. Moreover, you and I have never been, and will never be, abandoned by God. I know sometimes it feels that He's abandoned us; I've felt that way. But those are deceptive feelings, because the One who drank this cup says to you and me, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' We may occasionally feel alone, but we never truly are alone. And yet His suffering does become the highest and best source of comfort in our own distress. For if He endured so much more than I'll ever have to, then can't He comfort me [and others] in my lesser suffering? Yes, absolutely. So we read Hebrews 4:16 with new appreciation: 'Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need' -- in our own dark hour of suffering."
So, as I will sitting there on the toilet, worrying if I was literally going to die from the pain and feeling so alone, God was still with me as He always is wherever I go - because Jesus paid for and already endured that on my behalf, even while I was still in sin and continue to be in sin. Today that revelation about my pain and suffering two nights ago hit me, and God is using it to make me tell everyone else this:
people need the Cross - everyone in this world needs the Gospel, and it is the Cross that can save a human life from the distress and suffering of this world.
If you ever are seeking wisdom, turn to the Cross - find and know the fear and wonder of God through the lens of Jesus.
If you are ever seeking or giving counsel, turn to the Cross - Jesus knows exactly where you or another person is at. This is why we must be Gospel minded and Gospel living - we need to know and understand the Gospel to depths that we have never understood before so that we indeed can show and live out Jesus to the world, and we need to continually time and time again, daily, read the Scriptures revealing the Cross, hear testimonies of people's lives being transformed by Jesus, and always draw near to God each day in much prayer, submission, obedience, and grace.
I was blown away by the testimonies of God's grace through Jesus working in the lives of the people in Nicaragua by the Living Water missions team -
praise God for how He answered prayer and have brought new lives into the kingdom to worship Him - lives that were broken, but have been made whole by the blood of Jesus. Ask John, Alice, or anyone else from the Living Water missions team how things went - I'm sure you'll be blown away as well.