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| there doesn't seem to be much buzzing around my head like usual- today
i'm more relaxed and mellow- much more than i really should be, with
finals approaching and all of that.
i'm really arrogant sometimes. that's a big character flaw of
mine. it gets me through the day, i guess. i wonder where
humility really gets people. i think about those days i'm humble
and it just doesn't work out well. of course niether does being
cocky. maybe there's a middle ground, which i can't seem to
express in my daily life.
i like to think of the world as a big chemical reaction, all things
flowing to a purpose, but there's an exception to every rule, it
seems.
i think i've gotten dumber since naperville north. in chemical
engineering, sometimes (no matter how hard i study), no matter how hard
i try to understand concepts they still manage to escape me.
maybe the material is getting harder or maybe i need to change the way
i learn new material, to help me better understand it. i've got
about 7 days until the big exam so my work is cut out for me.
regardless of where i am now, i should have everythign figured out by
the end of next semester.
ttfn
- mjl
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| if someone gave you a 3x5 note card, and asked you to write .. in one word.. what you want most. what would you put?
i dunno. someone asked me this, and after a lot of thought, i said i'd
personally put "perfection"- there was a deep reason for it, although i have since forgot.
comments? what would you put?
Freedom?
Strength?
Love?
Power?
Faith?
Hope?
Revenge?
maybe something different?
- mjl
| | |
| How many times in a person's life does his
perspective change? Perhaps that is what determines growth.
Sometimes, however, it seems as though perspective is cyclic (as far as
my experiences are). Is growth therefore also cyclic? Maybe
evolution really is at a stand still; sometimes I think I am.
It kind of makes me wonder if I'm doing it on
purpose, if indeed it is true. I like where I am, it suits me
well. The college perspective really works and it's healthy
enough to stay here for now- unfortunately it's very slow for me.
I wonder if I wake up each day the same as the last, or have I
improved? Do I backslide?
Sometimes I think I haven't developed much since
high school. I've changed and I've grown also, but the way in
which I look at this has found an unstable equilibrium now. I
won't believe this is the peak of perspective because that would be a
cocky, misplaced narcisism. Also that would suck ass... I mean
honestly, lets face it - what person would want to live 50 years
without any growth... not me. Also I'm an optimist, so can I
assume it's just a phase? Where will I progress from here?
Perspective isn't something I can plan for- not so convenient. It
seems like, "I have everything I ever need or want," means "I've got no
where to go, no place to grow, and no way to change." I'm ready
to have my world rocked.
(careful what you wish for...)
- mjl
| | |
| Been a while, xanga. I have my own sort of journal that I use
instead, pages and pages of hand written junk - random thoughts and
stuff. It's good.
I wanted to let the world know how I've been doing though. More
of the same I guess. Working hard, playing hard. All
that. If you're reading me then you probably already know my
interests towards personal improvement (of any kind), athletics, and
religion. My classes are great and my roommates are an
improvement (my roommates last year were hard to surpass, but it has
been done).
I've had a lot of thoughts lately. I'm trying to sort through my
life and wrap up the ends. Self discovery's a bitch.
Lol. My grandmother used to say that 90% of life is the way you
react to it. So I'm hoping if I understand enough of my own
reactions, I can manage most of my life in the way I'd like.
I found an interesting quote a few days ago: "Let no one ever come to
you without leaving better." -Mother Teresa. I've given it a lot
of consideration, and it's really helping me put perspective on the
people I know. There's some really special people in my life
which I've never really considered until recently. It's hard to
live by that rule though, 'cause if the only people I'd ever let come
to me were better off in the first place, then who would come?
Those who have are already very special to me- something I'd otherwise
never
admit to them in person, 'cause it's something I'd never wish to
change, except that roses are meant to be enjoyed, even if their doomed
to wilt some day...friends are much the same.
- mjl
| | |
| Something last night inspired an urge in me to update this long-since abandonned xanga.
It's valentines day today. I've found a special someone. I don't think she's exactly 'found' me yet but at least there's something. Last weekend was great! I took this beautiful girl out to the valentines ball (yes- it was a date) after asking her in the most special of ways.. I decorated her room with red balloons, red hearts, and a red, heart-shaped squishy pillow (ya know, those really cool ones) and covered her room floor with hershey's kisses. Then i wrote her a poem, and hid outside in the study room, waiting for her to come home. A trail of heart stickers and the poem led her away from her room to grab the "final piece" of the poem, meanwhile i snuck back into her room, awaiting her return, and asked her to the ball. The look on her face was amazing, and worth all the thought and effort I had put in.
We had a wonderful time at the ball. She was lively and beautiful in her red dress. I wish I could put up a picture so you guys could see how beautiful she really is. At the dance she would always talk to me and look into my eyes while we slow-danced throughout the night (there were a lot of slow-dances). I loved that!
She believes in astrology, sort of- at least, she reads her horoscopes and refers to them often. It's cute, really. She says that because I'm a scorpio and she's an aquarius (jan 28th) that we're a good match for each other. I want to get to know her more- but I don't know how it's going to work out. I made it pretty obvious that I've the "hots" for her but she hasn't let me in entirely.
Well, regardless, it's VD and I wasn't about to abandon her on this day. So I made her the CD she wanted (Green Day, she loves their band!) and sent her a dozen red/pink/white roses in an extravagant boquett (and a cute little message). I'm getting better at this, lol.
Somethign occurred to me last night which I figured I should write down. I think I discovered a meaning of life. Do you ever think that maybe the meaning of life is not for yourself but for others. You exist to do good to other people. Don't forsake your purpose, I'd say. Any comments? Seems to me like the most important things I've done in life are the things I've done in service of others, almost as if I was meant to do them for other people. Is that my destiny? Is that everyones destiny? Is a higher purpose that we obey the service of another?
Life's good to me,
Mike
Happy Valentines Day | | |
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