mikkovillareal's Xanga

Work vs. Sleep vs. Xanga

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 03:48:38 GMT

I have work to do. I'm supposedly doing it right now. Then again, half my study group pretty much knocked out right in front of me and I'm pretty damn tired myself. Should I stay up? Consider this mindless rant on completely nothing my attempt to stay awake.

I wanna write. Not like that "college level" crap I've been required to do for the past weeks. I just wanna write to clear my mind, not to occupy it. I wanna talk about meaningless subjects that relate to very few people and do not have a real argument or a thesis to support that argument. I wanna stop using big words...shoot...I just wanna relax.

I wanna leave. Something everyone says when stressed out right? Well if that's the case, then anywhere but Piscataway, New Jersey in the Kilmer Library of Rutgers University sounds pretty damn good to me right now. Send me to Kansas, I don't care. Ok maybe not Kansas haha. But give me my iPod and a good view and I'd be good.

I wanna be there. As in, the future. For real. Well, eventually. But sooner than later. I want life to start already and, even though I'm practically positive that I'll wish I were back in college when I'm out, for now I just wanna be there. Making that scrill or making that difference, whatever. I'm about 5 analytic essays away from just hopping in my DeLorean and going back to the future. Down?

I wanna sleep. Given. I'm not one to complain, so I won't. But a little sleep would be heaven to me right now. It's to the point that I'm staring at my out-cold friend right next to me jealous he was able to slack off and sleep on his book. Even if I chose to close my eyes, the anxiety of unfinished work would keep me awake. I'm looking for that 4.0 if you know what I mean.

My mind is everywhere tonight, mostly because I'm burnt out from all the work and, even though I legitimately wanna write about something somewhat interesting, this is mainly just to keep me awake. So I'll delete this tomorrow haha.

Back to Work.....

Summer 2008

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 04:02:58 GMT

I'm not gonna make this a depressing and repetitive recollection of my summer because, for real, too much went on. I'm gonna try to just reflect on what I've learned and got out of the past four months, not give a play-by-play of what went on...haha make sense?

I don't usually write about summer because I don't like dwelling on it. It keeps me from getting my head straight for the school year and whatnot. But I just wanted to put it all down here so I can look back and remember how great this summer really was and how it was much more than I could have ever asked for. This summer was THAT good. But anyway...

I went into this summer with zero expectations. In fact, I was kind of negative about whether or not it would live up to the previous summer. I had it set in my mind that this would be the summer that I would "grow up" and leave behind the mindset of being carefree. I felt I needed more responsibility in my life. So when school ended, I began job searching. I actually had a job lined up to work in a hospital, but didn't follow through because I'm an idiot lol. So instead, I went to Vegas to visit my fam and Cali to chill with friends. For a month. A month away from Jersey...I don't know if I've ever done it before. But again, it was a blessing in disguise because it was a great trip. One thing that was definitely clear to me throughout these past few months was that, sometimes, you just have to take things as they come along. Don't worry so much.

After my month long trip to the west came our trip to Florida. I'm not gonna write about it again, because it's just too much for my mind to put into words right now. But I can honestly say, without being corny or cliche, that this trip made clearer what I need to be doing with my life. What direction I need to take and how I need to go about every day. I don't wanna call it a turning point in my life simply because it sounds cliche. But forreal, that's kind of what it was. And when I think about it, this trip alone made this summer the best summer of my life. I had forgotton about my stresses and worries. I didn't care what my boys back home thought about me going to this conference. All I saw was God. All I wanted to do was love. I mean, I want to be able to wake up everyday and decide to be a loving person. Be faced with adversity and not be phased. It's all good if my friends don't understand my faith; I pretty much expected it. It is what it is and I'm fine with being known as a Christian.

I was about to write about all the chillin and kick backs we did this summer, but all of that was simply for the moment, you know? Nothing to really take out of it. It was definitely fun....great times and memories for sure. But my friends and I have been making memories for years and when I look to take something out of it the only thing that comes to mind is that I have great friends. No doubt, some of us have grown apart and whatnot but I still love them regardless. Even the new people I met this year. All my Las Vegas and California heads really reminded me like "damn there really are still some good people out there". So here's my little shout out to my west coast homies haha. As for that certain girl, it didn't last too long and I hope she doesn't read this but she's a good catch and anyone would be lucky to have her. It's just not fair to talk to someone right now with everything going on in my life. So this is to a great girl with really bad timing.

Another thing I'm actually really proud of is that, this summer, I was able to somewhat kick my materialistic habits. Well, to a certain extent. I still bought mad stuff but I gave away half of my shoes to my brothers and sold more to my friends. I don't know, I just gotta start being more practical. I don't need the amount of shoes I have and don't really care about having any kind of rep for being a sneaker head. In fact, I don't wanna be known as that. To be known as a "sneaker head" or a "hypebeast" is so wack, to me. It's just saying, "Look at the amount of money I spent on all this useless crap that's gonna go out of style in a year". So I'm taking those steps to stopping. I have loans and bills to worry about. I need to fill my car with gas every now and then. When you're dead broke, you definitely appreciate that scrill more haha lemme tell you.

So basically....my summer was aiiiight haha. Nah, it was really good. Beyond explanation, almost. I can't find a single adjective that can sum it all up. At different times I felt hesitant, happy, excited, worried, relieved, humbled, proud, everything. I met new people, went to places I've never been, drove more than I ever have (My 06 civic got some miles out of that Florida trip haha), and experienced moments I never thought could happen. It was one I'm never going to forget and, even though this xanga entry has been pretty corny lol, I'm glad I can look back and remember how blessed I am. I actually wanted to write a lot more but my laziness is kicking in. Shoot, I already wrote way too much. Hopefully you didn't read it all haha. Goooodnight.

ALL good.

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 03:01:45 GMT

Have you ever had one of those days where you just thought to yourself, "I am so blessed..."?

This morning when I was driving to work, stuck in traffic, and half asleep I felt that. The very fact that I was driving to an eight hour work day didn't even occur to me. Just the sunrise, a good breakfast in my stomach, and this feeling of thankfulness that I'm able to go through another day.

Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in a while. Just a mix of every possible bad thing you can think could happen....happened. I don't know why everything happened the way it did but it was just a tough day. And it ended with me and this girl realizing that it wouldn't work out. To have a day as bad as yesterday, though, and to just feel incredibly blessed the next day despite everything that's happened is a really good feeling. A feeling I don't really know how to describe or put in words. Just picture yourself having run a marathon and, at the very end, get that drink of ice cold water you needed from the start. I guess yesterday was my marathon, and today was my drink of water lol. I'd forgotten that anything bad had ever happened and had a smile on my face throughout the day. It didn't matter to me that it was raining or that it was a Monday. I didn't even care about how much I'm going to have to pay to get my car fixed or about the fact that summer is ending. My boss couldn't even get on my nerves today. I felt blessed.

It's easy to look at the bad things that might (and probably will) happen throughout the day and dwell on them. Lately though, I've been trying to focus more on the good things that could happen rather than worrying about the bad things that might. Whenever I look at it like, "Man I can definitely mess up right now", I probably will. Then again, if I think, "Today's going to be a good day", I'll go out of my way to make it a good day. On top of that, dwelling on the past is something that's just not needed in my life anymore. Been trying to just look up and forward, not down and back. When I look at my life, the good and positive far outweigh the bad and negative and my life is way too good for me to ever be depressed.

In the end, everything will be good. If everything isn't good, it's not the end.

PS. Listen to J Dilla, eat your vitamins, and GO USA. GOODNIGHT!

All You Need is Love

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 05:07:53 GMT

I didn't expect this to kinda be two blogs in one haha so it's pretty long (at least for me). My bad to the lazy people of the world.

Florida
Since I got back from Florida I've been kinda getting down by the fact that the peak of my summer has most probably just passed. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for the places I've been able to go this summer. But I guess since I have nothing else to really look forward to, I'm doubting how good the second half of my summer's gonna be. All my boys are either working, home for college, doing their own thing, or you know....changed. So here I am, home pretty early after a night of ball, searching for a job online. Haha I'm not about to make this a depressing post though so lemme up you on what's been going on lately. It's all good, I swear.

Before I start, you gotta excuse me if I sound dead in this post...I'm mad tired and really just writing because I'm bored haha. Alright moving on....

So like I said earlier, I went Florida last week with a few of my friends for a youth conference. I've been in this youth group called YFC (or CFC-youth for you noobs) for about six years now and every year they have a national conference where they get everyone together. It's been killing me every year man because I can't not go but it's so expensive. Toronto, Maryland, Cali, Ohio, Houston, Jersey, and Jax. Haven't missed a year yet and my wallet hurts just as much every time.

Anyway, we left Wednesday night, got there Thursday at noon. We stayed at Ryan G's house with Norcal, chilled there for the night, and left the next day for the actual Conf. I'm not gonna lie, before every conference I always have so many doubts. It's not gonna live up to next year. The talks aren't gonna be that great. Yada, yada, yada. It didn't help that all my friends from Jersey went to the other youth conference in Seattle and it was just about 20 of us in Florida. Every year, though, I'm always proved wrong. I was thinking there would be 300, 400 max right? Over 700 people there man. I was just shocked. A good shocked haha. Everything throughout the conference just fell into place too. From Tito Ricky opening it up with a beatboxing number, to competing in almost every competition with Cali, to every talk being on freakin point, to 700+ having adoration, to having Hawaii close out the conference with their performance, to chillin after Conference with Socal and Norcal an extra night. I could really go on and on about every little thing that made this trip to Florida and this conference one of the best, if not the best, conference I've ever been to. So yeah man. Praise God.

I was planning on writing a detailed play-by-play of the trip but who wants to hear about a 15 hour drive and 85% humid weather? If you really, really, gotta know how and why and what happened in Florida feel free to talk to me about it. But getting into this post really made me want to talk about something else kinda sorta related but uhh...

Anyway, if you've made it this far into my blog, lemme award you by opening up a little haha.

Being a Christian
My whole life, I've gone to mass, stayed up spiritually, made sure none of my friends fell off, gone to youth groups, and all that good mess. What I've lacked throughout my life, though, is something that a lot of my friends have never hesitated to have: pride. Not that cocky, over-confident kind of pride. That pride in knowing who the hell you are, you know? I never had that. I would be a Christian, sure. But I would kind of whisper it to myself while others were screaming it. And if anyone asked me if I'm a Christian? Sure, I won't deny it. But I wasn't about to tell every single person on campus either. Why? Because I care what other people think. Straight up. And I know it's wrong to care what my non-religious friends think or even what a stranger might think but that's how I've always been. I know how touchy the subject of religion is and I never wanted anyone to look at me differently simply because I happen to be a Christian. I mean, if someone met me, got to know me, and still thought I was wack then fine that's on you....your loss haha. I wouldn't care. But if someone were to dismiss who I am just because I'm carrying a rosary? Nah I would never be able to handle that.

This past weekend, though, the pride I had for being a Christian was so much greater than it usually is. I didn't care about any bad images or stigmas that have been placed on Christians in the past. I didn't care that so many people have grown to hate Christians because of how some Christians tend to judge others. I didn't care because, for one, I knew the kind of Christian I am and I was comfortable with that. I also didn't care because I knew in my heart that if anyone were to hate on me for who I am, that's totally on them. The theme of this conference was love. The very thought of hate was just lost in how much love there was that weekend. To think that I would hate anyone that would hate on me? No, no, no. Love unconditionally and courageously, even when that love isn't reciprocated. If there's one thing that stuck out for me this conference, it was that.

With No Handlebars

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:25:00 GMT

I just heard this song by the Flobots called "Handlebars". Confused the hell out of me. But the beat was catchy and, even though the rapper couldn't really sing, he could kinda spit. So I was intrigued and did my research. These guys are apparently some anti-establishment group similar to Rage Against The Machine, just a little toned down. I read the lyrics online. Still confused. Then my good friend Wikipedia came through for me with this quote from the lead MC:

"The song is about the idea that we have so much incredible potential as human beings to be destructive or to be creative. And it's tragic to me that the appetite for military innovation is endless, but when it comes to taking on a project like ending world hunger, it's seen as outlandish. It's not treated with the same seriousness."

We've proven time and time again that, as human beings, we are capable of practically anything. When we were told we couldn't fly, the Wright Brothers thought otherwise. When Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles were told that sight was required to play music, they turned a deaf ear. And when this nation was denied its independence, we took it anyway.

So why is the very thought of a world free of hunger and homelessness unimaginable? Is it really that impossible? If we so chose to take on such a project, there's no doubt in my mind that we'd be able to accomplish it. Our potential as human beings is endless. We simply choose not to make such things among our top priorities. Instead, priority goes to developing things like the MacBook Air, ice-less ice skating rinks, and the most fuel-efficient car. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any problem with new innovations that make life easier. But why make such an effort to make our lives, which are already pretty easy, easier when others are struggling to live in the third world?

I might be getting too worked up over this. I guess I do that a lot haha. But I just wanted to put this out there: we have more power in this world than we might know. The influence of a single person can affect the world if one so chooses to make the effort. Gandhi knew it. Mother Teresa knew it. Dr. King knew it. They had visions and dreams that defied what people understood as the norm and took action despite the struggle that inevitably followed. We all have endless potential. Whether or not we choose to take action, however, is entirely up to us.

EDIT
I'm part of a group that works towards ending poverty and homelessness in the Philippines. If you'd like to help, go to http://www.gawadkalinga.org

Any donations would be much appreciated....Thanks!

Eat Great, Even Late

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 05:32:00 GMT

This xanga's been kinda dead lately...mostly because of how busy the summer's been and how lazy it's made me. Since I'm back in Jersey though I really wanted to write about something/anything before I leave next week for Florida. Vegas and Cali was great btw (more than I expected) and thanks to everyone that made it everything it was.

My time on the West Coast opened my eyes to a whole new world. A whole new world....of food haha. Man I love the food on the west coast. So, being the definite fat ass I am, I decided to give every other fat kid from Jersey some great spots to check out. If you're ever in Vegas or Cali and on a college student's budget, you definitely gotta follow through. Kimmy was right...I DO eat too much. Oh well...consider this my excuse to write about food.

Best Name:

Jack in the Box - Ok, so this one doesn't really count. In fact, I didn't even have Jack in the Box while I was on my trip. But hearing all the nicknames locals give it like Jack in the Crack, J-Box, and Jack in the B-Fish (the "ox" looks like a fish haha), I just had to throw it in. Call it what you want but, in Jersey, this place is missing and I'm gonna miss hearing the nicknames.

Best Portions:

L&L Hawaiian Barbeque - I always finish my food. But sometimes, it gets hard to. L&L made it hard. The food was so good though that I found a way haha. It was either L&L or Ohana, but since I've always loved L&L, I'll give it to them. Hawaii, here I come.

Best Free Samples:

Teavana - Yeah, I bum on samples. In fact, we probably downed gallons of this junk without actually buying any of it. Been walking for 2, 3 hours straight? Ain't got no water or money? Head to Teavana! It's what kept us going in 100-degree weather. Good looking out, Teavana.

Best Drink:

Tropical Smoothie Cafe - I had doubts at first. Jamba Juice and Sonic have been my drink source since I can remember. But no lie, I think I'm feeling Tropical Smoothie more than either. Especially during "Buy One Get One Free" Happy Hour. Can I get a Blue Lagoon and a Sunrise Sunset? Now that, that is a good look.

Best Chicken:

Buffalo Wild Wings: This one was tough because I love chicken haha. It was either Buffalo, Hurricane, or El Pollo Loco but I gotta give it to Buffalo for their quality and number of sauce choices. Just another piece of gold missing from Jersey.

Best Burger:

Cheeburger Cheeburger - I left my favorite food for last. The first thing I think about when I get to the West Coast is In-N-Out. It's become something of a "damn I'm finally here" meal. But while we went to In-N-Out almost everytime we went hungry at midnight, Cheeburger Cheeburger still gets this one. Unlimited free toppings, free sauces, and 375,000 different shake flavors equals fatass heaven. The real reason this gets the award though is because of the Pounder (which is actually 4 ounces more than a pound). When you finish it you get your picture on the wall and whatnot. Look for me and my friends lined up on the Vegas Cheeburger under "Repeat Offenders". Messes.

Well that's my "essentials" list. There's a lot more I wanted to write, but I'm not up to it right now. So eat on, Jersey. Hope this made you want to get food from California and Las Vegas. I also hope this didn't make me look like too much of a mess haha. Oh well, that happens when you chill with my friends.

Still jet-lagged, but I really gotta sleep. Goooodnight, xanga.

Loser Swag

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 08:33:07 GMT

I just recently read a post by some random girl talking about writing for enjoyment vs. writing for attention. She argued that anyone who claims to write simply for enjoyment over attention is lying to himself/herself. I'm not gonna lie. At first, I started this thing to get things off my mind when needed. Lately though, it's become something of a "how many comments can I get with this" kind of deal. It's wack because I'd start writing about something I wanna write about, the way I wanna write it, then think, "Yo no one's gonna care about this crap." But shoot, why should I care what you care about? Haha sorry to be so frank.

I know what you might be thinking. "Why do you care so much about what people think? Just be yourself!" It's definitely good advice. I know because I say and hear it all the time.

"Hey guy/girl/brother/cousin, you don't need to be so fake. Just do you and everything will be good."

Lemme fill you in on something, though. I'm self-conscious. Not on the outside, all of that's good....haha. I'm self-conscious because I'm probably the biggest dork/nerd you'll ever meet. Go ahead and quiz me on anything Marvel Comics, see me at any video game, chill with me on the couch with Spongebob on, and you'll know why. When I start going on rants about Dr. Doom, using endless combos to pwn you at Marvel vs. Capcom 2, and laughing uncontrollably at Patrick Star when he starts laughing with his one tooth, yeah you'll definitely know why. Funny thing is even though I know I'm a nerd, I try to hide it to a lot of my boys so they don't see me differently. I don't tell them I like to write, I don't tell them I know how Winter Soldier was the real muscle behind Captain America (haha....). I don't bring up my "loser side" so we can still talk about hip hop, play pickup games at the park, or take trips without me getting ragged on every 20 minutes. I can picture it now....

"Yo Mikko, we were having an intense debate just now. Can you remind us how Superman beat Iron Man that one time in Issue #49283 of the Fantastic 4? It was the Kryptonite, right?"
- To which I'd call them all noobs for pairing a DC hero with a Marvel hero. Then they'd laugh some more.

What I'm trying to say is this: yes it sucks that I feel I can't just be a loser around my friends but I'm not about to put up some front on xanga, too (where it really doesn't matter at all). So before I continue to post useless crap on this thing, I wanna make it a point to be completely "non-fake" and not care who thinks I'm an idiot aha.

Abraham Obama

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 06:20:35 GMT

"The worldly implications of this years American presidential race have incited a large outpouring of unconventional support from many sources. The legion of Upper Playground artists and affiliates have had a strong allegiance to Democratic candidate Barack Obama. Previous works from the likes of The Date Farmers, MunkOne, Alex Pardee, Morning Breath, Mac, and Sam Flores comes another artist to join the ranks. Legendary pop-artist Ron English has reappropriated a classic portrait of former American president Abraham Lincoln in the likeness of Obama."

credit: hypebeast.com

I thought English really came through with another dope pop-piece here, as he usually does. If you're not too familiar with his work, he usually takes corporate iconographies or pop icons, twists them, and turns it against the corporations or societies they're meant to represent. Even though we're pretty much sure by now that Obama's gonna get the nomination, and probably the Presidency, it's obviously way too early to compare him to Lincoln. What immediately came to mind, for me, was whether English meant to portray Obama this way because of his "potential greatness" or because of the disturbing possibility of a similar ending. I can see either way but because I'm a positive person, I'll stick with the "potential greatness" thing.

On a side note, I had my first In-N-Out burger for the first time in maaaad long. Haha yessssss. This trip has been everything I've hoped so far and it just started. We're in Vegas right now and Cali's coming up again so it's almost time to cheeel with my Cali kids. Looking forward to it...

Oh and if Jasmine's reading, we ARE going through Diamond Bar so we definitely gotta kick it.

Goodnight, kids. Lakers FTW.

Lined with Discord

Thu, 29 May 2008 05:36:54 GMT

"Buzz of the day: A Dunkin' Donuts ad featuring Rachael Ray wearing a scarf that looks like a keffiyeh, a traditional headdress worn by Arab men, has been yanked. 'The keffiyeh has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad,' said conservative Fox News commentator Michelle Malkin, fueling the controversy."

Really? Ok, I understand why so many might find this controversial. I mean, come on..."murderous Palestinian jihad". But really? Rachael Ray? No disrespect intended to Ms. Ray whatsoever but she's probably the last person I'd think to make some kind of symbolic, political stance. I'm not even touching on how there are much, much bigger things to worry about than a scarf. I'm just thinking right now about how stupid it is to think that, somehow, Rachael Ray intended to do this. Just imagine Rachael Ray waking up, making a 5 minute three-course meal, then thinking, "You know what? I'm going to wear a scarf that looks like a keffiyeh." Haha ok that was a little much. But you get it.

Lately, I've been slowly becoming turned off by the news. Not because I'm uninterested in what's happening in the world, but mostly because it usually just gets me down. Nearly every story centers around some kind of murder, devastation, or tragedy that it's just draining to constantly hear about. If not talking about some sort of tragic event, the news never fails to inform me of the latest breakthrough in science, swing in Politics, or drop in the Stock Market. Taking that all into account, I actually find this Rachael Ray story to be somewhat refreshing. I know, I know. How can a story about Rachael Ray's scarf be "refreshing"? Well, besides the fact that this headline isn't lined with discord (as Cise would put it) or shoving boring information down my throat, it's funny to me. That's all. The fact that journalists and news commentators take the time to write about Rachael Ray's scarf is funny. As if it's so controversial that it's actually newsworthy and as if she even knew what the scarf meant.

While there are definitely important issues in the world that need to be known and addressed, stories like Rachael Ray's scarf are needed to lighten up the mood every now and then. We're just so serious nowadays. Even though the Rachael Ray story wasn't meant to be humorous but "controversial", it made me think about how much the news is lacking in the funny/lightness department. So much so that I'm forced to find humor in a story about a scarf. Pretty soon I'll be finding humor in how a man is suing Delta Airlines over a bad family vacation. Wait, hold on. That's pretty funny.

Quick Thoughts

Sat, 24 May 2008 17:57:18 GMT

Next time I write on this thing is probably gonna be when I leave for the west so just some quick thoughts:

This summer's been MAD boring so far. Mostly because I've been lazy, jobless, girl-less (haha), and uhhh...jobless. As a result, I've been blowing all my moolah on kicks....even when I said I would cut back. Dammit. Oh well, it's summer !
Aight so turns out I'm not going to Seattle anymore. Yeah, sucks. But it's really too much. I already have a few trips to make and I just can't afford it. So to all my Jersey heads that are heading to the Emerald City in July: Have fun for me haha.
Speaking of going out of state....only a few days left! I've been waiting for this trip for so long dude. Can't believe it's already here. And if you're reading this Danielle, we better chill ! We've been talking about it for like a month now so it better happen haha.
A bunch of us were at Arlynn's house the other night for her grad party when I realized that we hang out way too late. I mean, everyone has jobs and things they have to do during the day. But, even then, we didn't leave her house until 3 AM. On top of that, she lives an hour and a half away. I'm starting to think this is what causes my bad sleep habits. That and Fresh Prince being on every night.
Growing up, I had three heroes. Aladdin, Tommy the Green Ranger, and Indiana Jones. Haha don't laugh. It's not the same seeing Indy as a 70-year-old guy, though. I thought I could handle it, but no. I might have forgiven them if they included the little Asian kid.

This post was random as hell haha. Peaaaace.