| | There are some things I just can't condone. Manipulation through jealousy is one of them. Messing with people's heads is okay, every now and then. Setting somebody up for a surprise, teasing 'em, that's cool in my book. But using their friends to get something out of them that you want, especially something like a relationship... it just doesn't sit right with me. Friends are too sacred to be tainted like that. Granted, this isn't just a hypothetical thing... I found out a former friend of mine does this shit intentionally. How should I deal with this? I get so worked up over this stuff, are my emotions just telling me I just shouldn't associate myself with this kind of person? Or do I actually have some ground from which I can say "I really can't talk with you if you continue to do this crap intentionally?" I know I don't want to deal with this crap anymore, but I also know I used to do this crap and sometimes still fall back in the habit, and I'm wondering if everybody does it sometime? If so, do they do it intentionally...?
On a similar note, I'm starting to take the stance that the best sign of strength is someone who can ask for what they want straight out, completely unashamed. There's something to be said for the guy who can look you in the eye and say "this is what I want and how I want it." I want to be more like that, and I want other people to be like that as well. It'd just make everything so much easier... no more mind games, yknow? But then, maybe that's too blunt... I dunno, I think I can handle the bitter truth, but then when my professor basically calls me a crass, arrogant bastard, well, something makes me rethink the stance a bit. Perhaps it's better knowing the truth though? I dunno, maybe he can tell me when I let him know what a fucking horrible teacher he has been all semester. It's the only class I've ever felt safe skipping, because I knew I wasn't going to learn anything in lecture anyways.
I've felt like I've been cutting alot of ties lately. Purposely, that is. I mean, I've definitely been falling out of touch with some people, but it's been hectic lately and I'll fix that. I mean literally saying I simply don't want to associate myself with this person ever again, that's what I feel guilty about. Sometimes it's because I can't take the fact that they're condemning me to Hell. That just doesn't really sit well anymore. Other times they just make me furious because they intentionally do things to piss off, degrade, or harm another. And then they come gloat to me about it? Or don't apologize for it? I feel arrogant as hell when I mentally or verbally declare that these people can go fuck themselves, but what else do I say? Should I passively condone it? Taking a backseat keeps me happy in that I haven't burned another bridge, but disturbs me in that I feel like I'm allowing it. And for some reason, people don't seem to listen to me when I say that their behavior is really pissing me off. Or they don't care.
Good thing there's awesome friends. Yknow, like the tripod or the band mates (both new and old) or the frat brothers. Maybe I have ridiculously high standards for what a friend should be... if so, it's because of you guys...
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| | Posted 5/4/2007 12:58 AM - 9 views - 1 comments
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