i remembered her looking at me with a stiffness directed towards a stranger.the way she smirked at my jokes.we both knew nothing is funny anymore.nothing is right.nothing is fucking fine and dandy.

we both knew that.
but admitting that something was wrong.thats a different story altogether.

the way we sat on separate chairs.watching the fucking big tv.
and i remembered her shifted to sit on the floor.that was my cue.but back then,i wasnt sure about anything.
somehow we both got tired of waiting for initiation from the opposite party.

the magic was over.but the sparks left behind.
in times of desperation,
a spark could stand in for the sun.

she looked at me.expectantly.
'why are you sitting so far?'
"you shifted there.not me"
she pouted and faked a sulk
i gave in and plopped on the cushions next to her.

it is strange to put it this way now.
but her eyes.her eyes were filled with
a great concealed sadness.the kind of look you get
from people who let go of things they hold dearly.
things they wake up everyday to.things they cannot hold on to.

Our nose touched.as usual.eyes closed.
me inhaling the air she exhaled
then she turned her head away abruptly
"why honey?"
'nothing.'she shook her head

nothing.that was what she always said.
and that faraway look in her eyes.it kills me.
like the time i talked about my ex.or everytime after we kissed or something more than that.there would be this silence.
it was a comfortable silence.but.she always
had that sad,faraway look in her eyes.

and it kills me everytime.

so we talked a bit.and her eyes kept on teasing me.i dont remember how my lips found hers.
or how my hands slipped into her red top.
but everything.there was a desperate edge to it.like
we were telling ourselves that everything was alright.

she kissed my eyelids repeatedly.i had the
feeling that i was going to miss her doing that.

i was right.

the comfortable silence.
nothing beats that

we parted at her house gate.she smiled and i
pinched her bum.and i promised to call her.

from there.
everything just got vaguer.and vaguer.then
it disappeared altogether.

ka-poof.
just like that.