yeah..its definently been a while. but im been super busy. and now exams exams exams. i hate exams. so im gonna update..and its going to be big. and you will most likely enjoy it. or i hope.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
icons i attempted to make or change in some way or another;;   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 
so yeah...heres one more icon..just because i love this show. 
:) quotes;; there's a point in your life when you know who stays forever, and who's around just for a little while. people change, but so do you. sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worse. bad things happen to everyone, you're not in it alone. people lie, and some people just don't care how you feel. your heart beats no matter how much pain you're in. everything will be okay, eventually. there are people in your life that just make your day, no matter the miles. i know all about distance, i've been dealing with it all my life. so don't tell me it's easy--because it's not. but it is worth it, i'd rather stay in touch with the people i love than just drop it and forget about it. you don't forget about the ones you love, it doesn't work like that. give it all you've got, and live your life to the fullest. people would kill to be you, and have what you have. someone always has it worse off than you, but that doesn't mean your pain doesn't count. maybe it's time you looked at yourself,
and stopped blaming life on someone else. nobody wants to hear this, but
sometimes the person you want the most
is the person that you are best without. i think i'm finally scared now.
i think the truth has sunk in.
please tell me you're not like them,
please tell me you're smarter than that.and here we go there's nothing left to choose.
and here we go there's nothing left to lose. i've held it all together,
but a night like this is
begging to pull me apart.sometimes i just wanna break down, quit putting on this act, playing this role of someone who's always strong. and before long, it's too late. i've become cold and distant, my thoughts are inconsistent. so i suck it up and move foward. i'm beginnning to think i help others with their problems to avoid my own. screaming inside in the purest tone, i quit this time. i'll walk alone. I try to hold it all inside But just for tonight The top of the world Sitting here wishing The things I've become That something is missing And now it seems that I have found
Nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
Slow it down, slow it downwe give up sometimes
and i guess that should be
good enough for me We keep ourselves a mystery
But we provide, provide the clues
So the rest is up to you
& Don't forget the check the obvious
We are so serious
So I guess it all comes down to
How curious you can be she tries to be real
but i dont think she knows
who the real her is anymore I miss being myself all the time
when the laughter was always real,
the smiles never ever forced.
always someone there for laughs
and my heart was not broken
now everything seems so dark
even the future you gotta hurt in order to know
fall in order to grow
lose in order to gain
cause most of life lessons
are learned in pain
i'm afraid to be your friend
because i'm always gonna want more
i feel like nothing again
pretending not to care, but i care
what do you see when you look at me ? Everyone has a certain part of their lives where they truly wish they could just freeze time. Whether it was three years ago, today, or still to come. Whether it was just a moment, a whole day, or a whole summer. Everyone has a time in their life when they wish everything would just stop. The world would stop turning and people would just stop changing because to them, at that time, everything was perfect. Isn't it amazing how you can keep so much
bottled up inside, and you can walk around and nobody
has any idea. I think I'm finally scared now
I think the truth has sunk in
Please tell me you're not like them
Please tell me you're smarter than that Sometimes the simplest answers are the hardest to find. maybe later we can start one:;
start a new relationship.
you'll call it a friendship,
i'll call it a second chance for you. i have to keep on moving,
or i'll get lost in all i'm losing.
i stay, drifting through my
head, with the static you left. [ life isnt easy. ]
love hurts. boys lie.
friends stab. people die.
parents yell. you always try.
you`re never good enough.
& you don`t know why.
Everytime i think about you,
i have to remind myself
that if you wanted to talk to me,
you would. It's so hard to see when your eyes
are rolling in the back of your head.
It's even harder to speak when
everything you say just comes out wrong. Now I do as I please, and I lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me
I should probably feel cheap, but I just feel free
And a little bit empty. And once again we're further away from what we never had and tell me why if your so strong
why can't you save yourself? those days have passed, & they're not coming back. We have so much to say
But no voice to say it It feels like the stars are getting closer
and the sky is closing in
And I don't know where to begin on a different day, if i was safe in my own skin,
then i wouldn't feel lost and so frightened.
but this is today and i'm lost in my own skin.
and i'm so lonely, i don't even
want to be with myself anymore. but i do believe that not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be. it seems like every time i try to make it right, it all comes down on me. please say, honestly, you won't give up on me. i'm always lost in thought as i walk
a block to my favorite neon sign. i'm scared, completely terrified actually.
scared of what will happen if i see you again,
& scared of what will happen if i don't see you again. and i don't want to live my life like everybody else,
& i don't wanna say that i feel fine like everybody else,
cause i'm not like everybody else. i need someone to tell me the truth,
when i am surrounded by people
who can't stop telling me lies.
something is about to change,
i can feel it in my heart today.
& you know it's not the first time,
but i bet it won't be the same. there's a good reason why i'm
k e e p i n g m y d i s t a n c e .
Why aren't I good enough anymore
I'm no different from before What's the worst thing that could happen?
We could change our minds. I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head ^^love that song don't think you're so special
or different just cause you're hurting....
cause here's a secret .. we're all hurting.
i`ll never forget what you did to me;
but i`ll never let you know i remember.
nobody said it was easy nobody said it would be this hard In time I will fade away In time I won't care what you're saying In time, but time takes time you know let's get out of this mess
no one will even know we left
no use in dwelling on the things you'll soon forget Oh, cause nothing is lost,
This is frozen in frost.
And it's opening time,
And there's no-one in line This is me
Forever and i wished for things i don't need,
and what i chased won't set me free.
& i get scared, but i'm not crawling on my knees.
everything's all wrong, yeah, everything's all wrong.
where the hell did i think i was?
and stranger than your sympathy,
take these things so i don't feel.
i'm killing myself from the inside out,
and now my head's been filled with doubt.
we're taught to lead the life you choose.
you know your love's run out on you,
& you can't see when all your dreams aren't coming true.
it's easy to forget when you choke on the regrets. we all dream for something bigger:;
something bigger than this miniscule life
we're leading. but where do we draw the line?
how do we decide what is good enough?
and how do we decide if we should
dream bigger? i am finding out that maybe i was wrong.
that i've fallen down and i can't do this alone.
stay with me, this is what i need, please.
sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you.
this time i will be listening. but don't expect me to be happy
for you and don't smile at me and tell
me things will work out for me too.
i don't want your pity. i hate your pity. because things change & friends leave,
and life doesn't stop for anyone. this is starting to look like a story where
the author got sick of happy endings. and there are some things that
you just can't bring yourself to leaving
until they leave you. and sometimes it just hits me, out of nowhere.
all of a sudden, this overwhelming sadness rushes
over me, and i get discouraged and i get upset.
and i feel hopeless, sad, and hurt, really hurt.
and once again, i become numb to the world. everythings falling apart
and yeah i'm included.
oh how i try to be okay. one of the worst feelings in the world is having to
doubt something you thought was unquestionable She needs time to be alone.
She needs time to think.
She needs time to pull it together again... i figured out what you're all about,
and i don't think i like what i see.
so i hope i won't be there in the end
if you come around. don't let someone create you because
once they do, they can destroy you. we sort of resemble those silent movies,
we never say anything but the emotion is there.
and for some reason, words just aren't needed. you were given this life because
you're strong enough to live it.
it's your choice to live it. ignoring what we've felt,
overlooking what we've done.
no awkward silences, no hiding any truths. maybe that's what i'm starting to realize:;
that pain is temporary. but the connections
we make, they last forever and change our
lives in ways we're not even aware of yet. i want a reaction.
i want you to do something about this.
i'm tired of wondering if you feel the same way.
i just wish i could tell you how i feel:;
to either set the ball in motion,
or end it all right here.worrying is like a rocking chair.
it gives you something to do,
but it doesn't get you anywhere. i guess everyone has their reasons
for keeping people away, an instinct
to protect yourself from getting hurt.
it's part of human nature if home is where the heart is,
then i'm out of place. sometimes i just wanna break down, quit putting on this act, playing this role of someone who's always strong. and before long, it's too late. i've become cold and distant, my thoughts are inconsistent. so i suck it up and move foward. i'm beginnning to think i help others with their problems to avoid my own. screaming inside in the purest tone, i quit this time. i'll walk alone. she jumped away from all her fears and troubles,
face first into the ground. tried to stand in line, tried to obey.
the ghosts of what i was
keep getting in the way. & it's times like these i wish i was a believer:;
because then i could do something to give me hope,
something to make me believe in anything at all. yesterday was over,
today i'm fine without you.
runaway this time without you,
and all i ever thought you'd be.
that face is tearing holes in my again,
but today i'm fine without you.
runaway this time without you,
and all the things you put me through.
i'm holding on by letting go of you.
-aww that reminds me of camp so much.
i heart that song She looked out the window as the rain poured down,
&& sung as loudly as possible,
with tears streaming down her face,
memories that will never be forgotten... & i don't hate myself, just the things i do. but i hope you see i'm trying to improve. I stopped throwing coins into the fountain a long time ago.
I don't cross my fingers anymore or make a wish
When I blow out my birthday candles.
I guess it's Because the normal side of me finally realized that no
Matter what dumb things I do, the things I wish for won't happen Now things are becoming clear
And I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared
& when the ground all breaks, i'll just run away.
i'm sorry i still haven't changed.
i'll trade my vains for your nerves,
maybe then i'll stay strong. i will face the world alone
and never be lonely. i've been waiting all this time
to be something i can't define. sometimes you just need someone
to look forward to seeing you everyday.
tomorrow we will talk about yesterday.
right now i got nothing to say, honestly.
feel betrayed like my love was ripped out of me,
the cycle is all too familiar to me. now you're just another face in the crowd.
you change for two reasons:;
either you learn enough that you want to,
or you've been hurt enough that you have to. i'm beginning to miss the small pleasures life has to offer. i dont' want to live.
i want to love first,
and then live incidentally. i'm tired of these sick feelings, i'm tired of the air not being able to pass through my lips. i'm tired of waking up and wondering what i have to live for, when all i can do is be afraid of this damned world. i've tripped again and things are starting to get interesting. don't give me choices cause i can't decide. my mind is soaked in words, i've come to terms with all my insecurities. you spend so much time wondering who you are, don't you think? you flounder about, searching for your identity, when most of the time it is as plain as the nose on your face. you struggle with questions of purpose and need, and forget that the answers are found mostly in yourselves. get over yourself and say goodbye.
forget my name, forget my face.
i hope you get on a plane
and forget this place. and i've tried to forgive
myself for caring about you.
things are getting to me. just how people are.
how they always expect you to be a certain way.
even your best friend. It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace. time waits for no man, time heals all wounds,
all any of us can want is more time.
time to stand up, time to grow up, time to let go. some things never get any better.
none of us know why we love,
or why we stop loving, or why
everyone we love, we lose. when you drop a glass or a plate on the ground, it makes a loud crashing sound. when a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall, it makes a noise. but as for your heart, when that breaks, it's completely silent. you would think as it's so important, it would make the loudest noise in the whole world; or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a symbol or the ringing of a bell. but it's silent, and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. so if you think your life is complete confusion
because your neighbors got it made,
just remember that it's a grand illusion
and deep inside we're all the same. maybe i'm jaded and bored, always looking for more. wait around for the next big fix. i know i'm a wreck:; i'm a mess, but i couldn't care less. don't know what it would take to change me, everybody's so afraid to be different. her life is like a story:; laid out for all to see, but no one knows who she is, because no one is willing to pick her up and read. they judge her by her cover and leave her on an old table of dust. taken in context, it's not a bad thing.
but when you start to pick it apart,
it gets so depressing. it's that sort of
thing that makes you think too much.
& it's that sort of thing that makes you
lose your objectivity. courage is not the absence of fear,
but the judgement that something is
more important than fear. she needs a getaway,
a reason to drive far from here.
she's memorized the roads, and
all the people she'd rather leave behind. i do understand the impulse. the impulse to put your hand out and want someone to be there at the end of your reach. to want someone to be close to, to want to kiss or touch even if it's wrong. the point is you can't control your feelings. even if they're wrong, they're there. they're always there. i'm not really sad, i'm not running.
i'm looking.
I think that's what's wrong with the world;
No one says what they feel,
They always hold it inside.
They're sad, but they don't cry.
They're happy, but they don't dance or sing.
They're angry, but they don't scream.
Because if they do, they feel ashamed.
And that's the worst feeling in the world.
So everyone walks with their heads down.
And no one sees how beautiful the sky is. after all that's been said and done;
you're just a part of me i can't let go yesterday was a bad day, but it was better than today.
but it took today being worse to realize that
yesterday wasn't that bad. without even realizing it, you taught me
a lot of things. not only about life, but
about what true friendships can be like.
please do me a favor and never give up.
not on yourself, not on other people,
on your dreams, on anything. just what we all need,
more lies about a world that
never was and never will be.
you don't know how you've decieved me. i got no plans and too much time,
i feel too restless to unwind.
i'm always lost in thought. so yes. this is my life. it might not be the best..but i guess im doing fine. wish me luck on my exams. i have gym/ health and history tomorrow...spanish and english wednesday and math and bio on thrusday icons i found;; | 
