i'm so confused rite now.  i thought i was doing the best thing but nothing makes sense anymore.  i keep hearing my mother's words in my head... "worthless whore."  then stefanie said the same thing.  she told me 2 "keep f*ing guys 4 money" cuz that's all i'm worth.  i want 2 get out of here.  i have an option ahead of me now but i dunno if i'm gonna take it.  the money is good, hella good.  but if i take it i'll disappoint my sister, my dad, and the few friends i have left.  if i take my sister's offer i won't be making money but she'll pay 4 me 2 go 2 college.  i'm torn... i want 2 be famous and make money.  that's what i want 2 do.  i already know that.  i don't think 4 years of college will change that. 

i hope i haven't lost his friendship 4ever.  but if i did, it's my own fault 4 being a brat.

i miss being my sister's little brat-brat.

i told him everything, put all my cards on the table.  even told him i love him just 4 him 2 psychoanalyze me and say "i don't think u really love me, i think u got love FOR me which is a lil different."  i showed him everything, he knows everything about me physically, emotionally, EVERYTHING.  secrets that i never told anyone before.  but now that i don't attach certain racy pics 2 my emails his whole tone is different.  what should i think now?

dunno y but he makes me feel soooo.... wow, can't even find the words 2 describe it.  and i don't even know him that well yet but i feel like i'm connecting with him. 

timbo is so crazy!  and he's my favorite homeboy now, he fixed my car.  i'm so goin 2 baltimore this weekend!