miss__pAndA's Xanga

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 18:32:57 GMT

HOLY SHIT! I was sooo lame "Tuesday, April 03, 2007". Jesus I dont dare read the rest...but my life is soooooo much fun since then.

xannnnngggaaaaaaaaaaa. jesus im about to get my first degree! Call me Panda, Doctor Panda

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 16:20:46 GMT

I wanted to actually write in this today like I used to three years ago.

David and I are no longer going out after two years and like three or four months. We were both very happy about are decision. It's very strange but we decided that we still love each other blah blah so we have remained in this like..open relationship. It's funny because I wanted to see him more when we broke up and we hung out a lot and acted as if it was the first week of any relationship. It secretly pissed me off that every time we hung out I could tell he just had smoked. Almost as if he needed to take to hits before he could see him. I try not to let these things bug me so in response I have just avoided him. Probably not the healthy or right thing to do but he's trained me to believe that I cant do anything correct. I know he hasn't done any of that on purpose but when I tried to communicate this to him he just seemed annoyed. It's funny because I really think this situation is controlled in my head (hah) but thinking about this is making me tear up and that is even a suprise to me.

I was talking with Adam about this (i love our random late night coffee chats) and we each had a random overwhelming confidence when we broke up with our girl/boy friend. It's strange how that works out.

For the past three weeks Andrew has been in China working on the graphics for the new motorola phone thats coming out in like six months. According to him it's "fucking beautiful" but he couldn't tell me what it looks like because I would write a blog about it and he'd lose his job hah!

I yelled at him for the first time (sadly via phone) I told him that I do not want to be in a relationship and to stop acting like we are in one...that he obviously likes me a lot more then I do and I don't care if he see's other women and that I even encouraged it. And for the first time in about four years he yelled at me. "How dare you fucking say that...dont think that I am not capable of going out and fucking Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday girl...you don't have to keep reminding me we aren't in a fucking relationship Panda...blah blah blah." I don't think Ive ever been in shock by someone yelling at me before...I didn't even know what to say...but when I saw him though for the first time (since he got back) it was as if I remembered that I actually like him.

Out of all the guys that have ever been 'in my life' I suppose if that makes sense...I haven't honestly liked any of them besides David and it is so strange to actually have someone unveil that I could like them. I still honestly believe I couldn't love anyone as much as I love David...that he holds the bar...that Andrew was the closest version to David but still not in range...but I feel like i can even admit that I am in some denial...that eventually Andrew's huge amounts of compliments, positiveness, motivation (that david seems to have lost), etc will eventually catch up...and the things that are different about andrew doesn't annoy/piss me off anymore...I embrace them.

It's sad because I feel like David's self destruction and no confidence is what will end us...and he doesn't even realize it.

Andrew as of right now is my best friend. He's creative, goofy, sarcastic, open to anything/everything, the most positive person I have ever meet, determined...(all characteristics that david has seemed to lost)..

wow i wrote way more then i thought i would have and on a subject i didn't even want to mention...oh yeah i grew a crush on my science teacher (don't worry he's young hah)...and for the past two weeks we have been emailing eachother everyday. awkwarddd

5 x 2 = 10

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 23:17:11 GMT

i need to make some new resolutions or promises for the warmer weather. anyone wanna help fill some in?

1. dont make calls out of compulsions

2. dont start to believe ugz "dont look that bad"

6. dont be so mean when i meet new people

7. move out!!

10. be courageous. all i need is me.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 21:03:28 GMT

my dad is in the hospital again.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 04:37:45 GMT

I dont recall a time I have been this happy and meeting so many new people.

None of that High-School-Ive-Got-The-Coolest-Myspace-Top-Eight-Im-The-Shit shit..

Just amazing, interesting people. I love it.

ps. Guess whos going to Arcade Fire and LCD Soundsystem ^.~ !!!

Monday, January 08, 2007

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 22:42:45 GMT

so i think im getting this apartment in wicker park with this girl named kelsey.

so bad at remembering names..kelsey..kelsey hmmk

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 00:43:44 GMT

heelloo everyone!!!!

I need to start wearing a seatbelt more and avoiding car accidents. ouc. h

So guess who is getting an apartment with miss emily ?? it will be a beanie baby party 24-7 and youre all invite. Kyra- I wanna hang out with you guys and eat at Inos too!! oh man..that sounds really good right about now. Does anyone wanna help me have a part-ah...its been time...and thanksgiving is coming up soon so that means a bunch of old people will be intown. Talking about old people..its so strange how Im getting to that point were all my friends are at least 21. WE GETTING OLD. No no no man...im still shopping at claires and limited too. hell yeah...HELL YEAH.

i miss you cyber readers...ride on....ride on

pandita.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 03:27:49 GMT

Aids is not funny. Believe me, I have tried. There are certian topics that are off limits to comedians...JFK, aids, the holocaust...the Lincoln assignation just recently became funny.

And I hope to someday live in a world where someone could tell a hilarious aids jokes. It's one of my dreams.

Phrases to help with your interracial conversations: (things that negros say)

1. Fleece it out!

2. Dink and Flicka! <--my fav

3. Mock OUT!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 03:05:58 GMT

lets make the rest of the summer count guys ^.~ eh?!?! yes?! comment yes!!! i have like forty something subcribers but yet it will be amazing if a single yes is posted. losers.

anyone read or heard of Nylon?

Me Alex and Adam were walking in chicago and two women took pictures of us for it. Two inches of nylon fame in exchange for clothing.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 01:24:28 GMT

old proof for yoouu dylan.

Hi.
Yes. Your email is being read. AND YOUR BEING WATCHED! sorry. just kidding. Warped Tour is kind of miserable if you ask me. I dont know why you would ever think that you couldnt see us up close.
Do you mean dont become one of the Untouchables like Keving Costner and Sean Connery? -Tom

oh yes...i will marry tom gable...tom gable will be mine..little did you know! who got vip passes?!??!! thats right. take ONE GUESS MOTHA FUCKAS *le sigh*

aww. this is a picture of him screaming,"PANDddAAA LUuuUUbBBBB mmmMMEEeee!!!!".