Define: Proactive

Recently, I was in a discussion with someone the word "proactive" came into the conversation.  It was in reference towards being proactive in one's life.  Although not meant to hurt or criticize, the words were said in reference towards myself.  (The comment was immediately retracted once hurt was indicated.)  It's funny how when you say the words they are hard to forget or take back.  (Also, I've been told, "the mind can be your own worst enemy at times.")

The word, proactive, has been floating through my mind off and on since that discussion.  It got me to thinking, "What does the word mean to me?"  The analyst in me started to compile a list and these are some of the things I came up with;

I am proactive in my life...

*As a dancer.  Although I don't get to dance as much these past few months I have been out dancing more than I had been.  I can't tell you how nice it is to still have passion towards dancing!

*Because I aim to make friends where ever I go.  (Even though I treat people better than they sometimes treat me.) 

*When I smile at the little things in life.  Examples; a wonderful dance with a friend or someone new, when the little one I care for figures out a concept or more recently is becoming more polite with me/family/family friends, winter finally coming to an end and the sun shining brightly down on me, hearing that a friend is happy for any reason at all. (You get my meaning though...)

*When I can overcome challenges in my job as a nanny.  (You might not believe it, but it is a tough job.)

*With music and movies...need I expound?

*As an aunt and daughter.  Family plays a big role in my life and although they cause me stress and alarm sometimes I still love them and work towards keeping things in line and happy.

*Because I stand-up for the things I believe in and am willing to try-out new things.

But the thing with being proactive, I came to the conclusion on, was being satisfied in choices that we make everyday.  Are there things that I would change if I could?  Certainly.  (I could deal with a little more confidence in some areas, for example.) Would it make me a better/worse person?  That would depend on the proactive choice.  Is there a difference between negative and positive thinking?  And does this effect one's ability to be proactive?  Definitely.

In the end though, I am happy with me.  There are things that I can change, and do, but time will tell on those things because results aren't always instant. 

After the discussion I was wondering why I was so focused on that one word and I was confused.  I have a tendency  towards being confused at times when these kind of thoughts enter, but eventually the confusion disappears and clarity takes it's place.  I hope that in writing these thoughts down I have worked towards ending that confusion.

In ending I pose the question to you; What does proactive mean to you?

Return to blogging...

So it's been heaven knows when since I last wrote an entry.  Life has been quite busy and things have changed a lot in my life.  So here goes...

J has since returned to Portland.  We are still dating, but the distance creates interesting and sometimes very long conversations over the phone.  I miss him daily, but know a visit is in the works, so that keeps me going for the time being. 

C has since married a wonderful man who makes her smile and laugh.  I am thankful to see her so happy, as well as him, too.  I was given the privlage to be one of her bridesmaids.  I wore a gorgeous dress.  C had very good taste in her choice of gown.  The wedding was beautiful and well wishes were all around.  The only downside to the wedding was that I was dropped to the ground when a dip was forced on me.  Thankfully, I was not hurt.  A little shocked, but otherwise okay.  That had to be the first time I was dropped for a number of years in my dancing experience. 

The wedding was all the way back in October and unfortunately my body decided to become ill with something of a flu virus prior making me lose weight...again.  Currently, my health at the moment is good.  The doctors are watching my weight because it is slow returning back to where they would like it to be.  I'm about 5 pounds left to gain, but would be a lot happier with 10, but I will willingly take what I am given at the moment.  Attempting to not get stressed out proves a challenge at times, (and sometimes is the main culprit that makes me lost weight in the first place,) but I try to take these challenges and turn them around to my advantage. 

Since almost a year ago, (last May), I have been reintroduced to dancing on a more regular basis.  In meeting some really great people I found what I liked about dancing to begin with.  And when I said I jumped back into dancing, I think it was Blues that did it.  I am shocked that I am so hooked on it, to be honest.  But back to the people, they are great and it is something that J and I can share once more.  Some of these people have moved to LA since, but I still get to interact with them at exchanges or when they visit.  These past couple of months I have not been able to go out dancing as much as I might want, due to illness or my hectic work schedule, but health comes first. 

When I'm not obsessing over movies or dancing, I'm listening to awesome music.  My latest has been to upgrade my blues collection because those songs are so much fun to listen to and play with at times.  Christina Aguilera's Back to Basics CD 2 of the 2 cd set has been probably been set to repeat since I purchased the album a couple of months ago.  It's a great album, if you don't already own it, I definitely recommend it.

I'm still a nanny, but have since changed families because the twins moved to Texas.  I am currently watching a three-year-old since July and he is a handful, but I always enjoyed a challenge.  Working on keeping him out of trouble has been the key, as well as, making him feel safe and loved.  He is brillant and keeps me on my toes to keep him from boredom. 

I haven't been singing much lately, though.  Which saddens me sometimes, but when you work the early-early hours I work until well into the evening (12 hour days, sometimes more)  it's hard to get motivated to drive far and sing into the wee hours of the morning.  Maybe one day I'll be able to get back to it, until then I'll be happy in the knowledge that I will get back to singing eventually.

Avoiding the computer...yet again...

These days it has been hard for me to actually have the patience and time to sit down near the computer, let alone write or check my email.  (Seems really bad of me, huh?  I know...) 

When I am not off nannying, I have been spending quite a lot of time with my mother, though.  It's nice, too, because she and I are back to the relationship that we had when I was growing up.  (For the last few years our conversations together were more in the form of arguing than that of getting along.)  I cannot tell you how much I like not arguing with my mother, I tend to come out of the arguements a little worse for wear.  Anyhow, so when I come home the only thing on my mind is; food, sleep, and spending time with J. 

Onto what has actually been going on in my life these days, to catch everyone up on things;

I finally passed my final test that I needed to get my certification.  This is a big relief for me, but I am a little nervous about filing the information needed at my former college to have them send in for my certification.  (I know I will have to answer a ton of questions as to why it took me so long to take the test and get my certification moving.  Sigh, don't you just hate having to explain medical restrictions?) 

My nephew, Trent, is almost 3 months old.  He is growing nicely, and is a healthy baby, which is a good thing.  I like being an aunt, and it is cool because I think he is beginning to recognize me.  I can't wait until christmas because I have plans on getting him noisy, educational gifts.  (During my sister's teenage years, she created havoc in my parents house with a lot of heavy bass leaden music, particularly when I was sleeping, so by me giving my nephew educational noise-ridden toys, I will be "getting her back," so to speak.)

J has been focused on watching the Firefly series, as of late.  It's a good series and I was happy to watch the series for the connections the characters made, and some of the episodes were hilarious.  I'm sad that J is going through Firefly withdrawl because we finished the series on Friday. 

Tomorrow I have to nanny and manage to find time to go back to my parents and vote.  It's going to be a busy day and sometime this week I am going to have to find time to make my chicken noodle soup. 

Going to the zoo, zoo, zoo...

I get to go to the zoo today.  It will be fun because the last time I think I was at the zoo, I believe I was in Washington, DC.  It should be a good day to go today since it is not raining and it is cooler than it has been the past few weeks.

It will be good to go out because the boredom problem will not come into play for one thing.  Secondly, I will not get a fight over how long it will take to go pick up the brother from soccer practice over in Fox Chapel.  That will be a relief because I really hate it to hear complaints because sometimes I'm not in the right mind-set to hear it.

Anyhow, the zoo will be fun.  We are going to take pictures and make a slideshow over the things we saw at the zoo with Sarah's camera.  Should be an exciting next few hours.

After work today, I have to find time to go food shopping, but that depends on if I need a nap or not.  Tonight I am heading to the UPstage for 80s dancing with a few friends.  We are not meeting until 9:30, so that gives me time to figure out if I will need a nap or not.  Then it's onto "looking 80s" for me.  I think it's time to take out my high-heel black boots out of the shoe-closet, tonight. 

Okay, off to the zoo.  I wonder if I'll see the lion, and tigers, and bears...oh, my... :-p