this isn't home; this thought is nothing new. I don't belong here. I have one more semester left at central and then it's back home to az...for a month? two? but I certainly don't intend on staying. it's the same old struggle: coexisting with my parents, mostly my dad. it seems that with my sister out of the house, he's itching for someone to argue with, and that lucky person has ended up being me. I won't even be doing anything and he'll find something to yell about and threaten me for. I'm tired of it. I can't talk to my mom about it. a life of living with him has made her weepy and agitated. but I can feel this chapter ending. one week until caleb comes and then we are off to moberly. that chapter (school) is coming to an end quick as well, although I'm all too excited about it. I felt done last semester, so I'm hoping to stay focused for this one. a lot of changes are underway and a lot of changes have happened thus far. my summer, although not as eventful as the previous few, has changed me. I'm still trying to process it all.

anyway, this is just a minor update...where I'm at right now.

I'm in that state of sleepiness where my eyes are burning and nothing makes sense. my glasses aren't on so I can't tell if that's the cat approaching me or some horrid fluffy beast coming to bring my swift end. I need sleep, but I must resist in order to talk to my caleb as soon as he is able. so now I'm on here...passing time.

passing time....that's what I do best here. my time in Humboldt, TN has been incredibly strange in that I feel like very little was truly accomplished, but that much was gained. it's hard to explain, but I have a new excitement for what's to come.

and I'm finding joy in small things. I learn what I can here and there.

and I get sick a lot. I don't know what it is but I've been sick more in the last month and a half than the whole year combined. allergy attack, bronchitis, ....I know there was something else in there (my brain really isn't on; this is partially typed with my eyes closed), oh yeah, bloody nose, and now I had a random ear infection that came out of nowhere. I cured it with vinegar! I do believe that with God and vinegar, anything can happen.

I'm sure I could write you of  the exciting discoveries, the adventures, the ups and downs....but really I am not up to that challenge. and although my spelling and grammer may be up to par, do not be deceived....

goodnight and cheers good folks.

I'm in Humboldt, TN for 2/3 of my summer. It's been interesting so far. I can't say that I've enjoyed it entirely, but at least I've stopped counting the days til I leave. It's just one of those times when you have to stop and listen, when God (and your friends) are telling you to "bloom where you are planted". And so I listen, and so I shall. Today, Caleb is coming to visit me...he should be here in a couple hours. I'm really excited. There's a real possibility that these two days may be the only time that I'll get to see him this summer. But I'm hoping he'll be able to make it out to Arizona while I'm there toward the end.

So what else can I tell you? So far I've managed to escape with only two bug bites, which is a feat considering how many there are here. I've also escaped with only.....well.....a couple severe allergy attacks, a short case of bronchitis, one migrane and a sinus infection. haha. The south loves me. Clearly. But besides that, I'm currently chipper, and currently of good health. I'm listening to the classical radio station, avoiding work, the usual. Sort of.

There is surely more I could share. A lot on my heart and mind. A lot of people are there especially. But for now, I digress to say cheers and well wishes, with hopes that all of you are seeking after God in your lives, in your summer, and in all of your situations.

my sanity as of late has been failing me. this was evident when a used a spoon covered in pudding to scoop lettuce. but the extent of my mindlessness has extended as far as effecting my emotions, sleep patterns and temper. I'm overwhelmed. I have yet to pinpoint the specifics of my anxiety, but I'm thinking it may be the accumulative homework/reading/studying required for my classes on top of work and extra curricular activities essential for my survival...namely my need to spend time fellowshiping with the body of Christ. I'm tired. I'm worn out. and I already want this semester to be over. I hardly sleep anymore. I'm moody. recently I've found that I get annoyed and angry more easily. these are all related. we aren't built to function like this. even Christ rested...it was important, but with assignments piling up and reading needing to be done, rest is a foreign concept. I'm tired of this bible college concept. I want more than mediocre discipleship. I want the church to come alive and not see everyone stuck in the machine of "school" and "ministry"--that's one thing that's been irritating me...people spending four years "getting ready for thier ministry" yet they have no idea how to minister to peoples needs. they are still just as selfish or lazy or self-righteous. ugh....okay, I'm getting on a tangent, but I'm tired of a lot. I'm tired of hypocrisy. I'm really not pointing my finger at anyone specifically. my mind is a jumbled mess of thoughts and I'm sure I just touched on one that I've had sometime this week. but at my current state, I couldn't tell you specifically how I'm feeling or how I got there. 

I want to sleep......time to do homework.....

ho ho hello

here it is, Christmas morning and it seems that not much has changed in the family I grew up in.

I couldn't sleep. I'll blame it on my pillow, but really I think it's because my real family is miles away. I miss my family in Moberly. I miss tip and rach and the kids, I miss the Sorilla's and Buccheri's terribly. I miss Caleb most of all. this isn't Christmas. really, it never was. I don't need a designated day to celebrate God sending His Son. but more than that, it is evident in my biological families actions toward one another. yesterday my mom was yelling at everyone, ordering them around because she was frustrated. it started when she made herself late for the Christmas eve service at their church. she was late and took it out on everyone else. she was snapping at everyone, my retarded uncle included, who doesn't know any better. on top of that...we weren't doing anything. it was obnoxious, but that wasn't the worst of it. my sister has been her usual self. she cussed at my mom an entire drive home from the orthodontist. why, you ask? because my mom wouldn't buy her another $200 retainer... my sister wanted a new one because they got the colors wrong on the one she just received. it's a piece of plastic that goes in your mouth! but apparently it was worth causing a scene over. there are several stories just like this one that have occured within the past week and a half. I'm worn out, tired of these people. they drag me down. surprisingly, my dad has been the least of these.

but there is a beacon of light. Caleb is coming this saturday, and it will be a glorious four days. that, and talking to my friend, Vince, about Christ, are about all I'm looking foreward to. anyway, my family is still asleep. I'm still restless, although my body is hating me for it. I'll say cheers for now, and merry Christmas, and know that by that, I mean in its truest sense...remember Christ. He was sent to die for you and me. crazy, huh...