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mjdancer15
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Country: United States
Gender: Female
Interests: becoming a good person
Expertise: being a good person
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/6/2003
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| I don't believe in limitations anymore. I believe that dreams are boundless and whatever you want, you can have. I've made excuses, saying "I can't have that because..." With that attitude, of course I didn't get what I want! Until, one day, in october, I received terrible news. Not many people know this, but I was diagnosed with a tumor in my stomach. For the longest time, I thought to myself "I wasn't meant to be happy," and that became a self fufilling prophecy. February 1st, however, I found out my tumor had gone away. It was that moment I knew that I had control. I can get what I want because I believe I can. And why not? Why dwell on what I cannot have when I can dwell on eventually getting it!? As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to have a good life, because I believe I will. Negativity brings more negativity, while positivity brings more positivity. I know what I want and I am going to get it by remaining positive. I could have easily given up before, but I didn't. I live with a secret, the secret to a better, happier life. When I look back on all the painful times form october-january, I feel empowered. I can rewrite my story. If I let anyone interfere with my happiness, it is my fault and my fault alone. I am working on myself right now, rewriting my story. I have learned and I am wiser now. I am so thankful, so grateful for discovering a better me. I wake up now and never second guess my day because I know I have the power to set it on the right track. I live with a secret and this secret is the key to opening doors, which I had always thought were walls. | | |
| Auditions are creeping up on me as each day goes by. I can't wait and I've never been more motivated, determined or ready for anything in my entire life. Juilliard...you have no idea *change of topic* I find myself getting angry at certain people for good reasons. Makes me questions their motives, one person's in particular. oh...and no winter formal for me | | |
| I remember how I was back in August. I was, so happy and so grateful because I had met someone who filled a void in my heart. I wonder what would have happened if things had worked out. Would I have been perfect for somebody? Would that somebody have been perfect for me? It seemed that way for the longest time. It was also the happiest time. I felt special, but I don't feel special anymore. How disgusting of me, to want someone to fill a void in my heart. It's far too selfish of me. Celine-you introduced this person into my life and I thank you. Things just, weren't meant to turn out well in the end | | |
| I had 14 viles of blood (over 100 cc's) taken from my vein. It's made me tired. The tests are making me tired. The scans are making me tired. I wish I was "back to normal." Perhaps this is all a blessing in disguise. Maybe I'm supposed to "not be 100%." Gosh, I can't even say "unhealthy." It's too surreal. I'm 18 years old. This really shouldn't be happening. Another thing- I do not believe in love. It is a concept we choose to believe, kind of like religion. It's just sort've always been around. I also do not believe in friendship. I believe there are people we care for, but it's not like there's an impenetrable bond. We like to believe there is, but we're honestly lying to ourselves. We find excuses to not talk to "friends", we get mad at "friends" for the most ridiculous reasons and sometimes, we just dump these "friends" altogether. As human beings, we RELY on other people to get through life, and that is not the definition of friendship. I rely on certain people, as they rely on me. I'll refer to biology and call it mutualism. Both benefit, but are never really connected. Perhaps I'm just bitter because of what's going on in my life. It's times like these when I turn on some Norah Jones and dissolve in her vocals and her captivating tip toe-ing over the piano. I'm inspired to do more with my life. I want to break away from the norm: waking up=>school=>homework=>sleep. It's literally like an equation. If one thing goes wrong, one little miscalculation, the whole routine (the whole calculation) disintegrates. These doctor visits are messing up this formula. Right now, I feel like I've lost more than I've gained. | | |
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