moberhau's Xanga

interesting

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 01:19:20 GMT

3 years ago today an online quiz told me that Washington, DC is the American city that fits me best. How 'bout that.

Long time... weird add-on story

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 00:56:12 GMT

I ran through the line of blue hovering spheres, not knowing what would happen when I did. Upon doing so, I found myself in a whole new world. I dared not close my eyes. I checked my map- no landmarks were recognizable. So I took the sandwich out of my pack and ate it. The tanginess of the mustard really went well with the ice cream taste I still had in my mouth from earlier. I took another bite and was more than surprised to find a very rough texture against my tongue. Sandpaper? I spit out the mouthfull only to see something tunnel into the ground from the small bed of mustard, lettuce, and pastrami I had just spit out. I tried to catch it to see what it was, but it was too quick for my slow, unskilled paws. PAWS?!! What? I examined my hands in greater detail, they appeared to be much like a brown dog's paws. At this point I also noticed that I had dropped the map and the sandwich, as they are rather hard to grasp sans opposable thumbs. Far too intrigued to mind dropping my things, I noticed my arms looked mostly normal, but had acquired the dark hairs as if I had panty hose on them and had been playing with a dog that shed a lot. They seemed to not be attached, but wouldn't come off. At least not with my gentle gnawing or patting. I took a step forward, and felt as if I had acquired not only paws and some extra fur, but also an entirely new musculature. The ground on which I knelt felt new and alive to my foot paws. Suddenly the pastrami smelled amazing and the smell of the mustard almost made me salivate enough to drown myself. I opened my mouth, panting, and let a flood of drool out. I quickly snapped up the remainder of the sandwich, almost shocked by my lack of care for what strange creatures might lie within. Turning to the left made me feel a strange itch on my back. Without thinking, I turned to gnaw on the itchy spot. I could reach it with ease. Sated, I reviewed the map, but found it difficult to decipher. I kept being distracted by the smell of an animal marking the territory nearby. I was obviously here first, so I set out to pee on something. I raised my leg, but my kidneys were being presed on by my back pack. I wrestled it to the ground and struggled to open it. I reviewed the contents, but realized that each was completely useless to me now. I couldn't pick anything up save with my mouth, and everything had tops, and other things meant to be manipulated by opposable thumbs. Deciding it would do me no good to linger, I set out to catch my bearings and possibly find my way home. My sense of direction, poor already, was only hampered by my new view of the world. I decided to follow the interesting smell of something that had passed down the path, but hadn't been behind where I myself had been. I hurried along, because... well... why not? The smell grew stronger and stronger, and I began to hear sounds like a host of stomping feet. I could smell cinnamon, cheese, and a mix of human secretions. I decided to approach more carefully, for fear of someone spotting me, but I was too late. Someone came up to me and I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up as the static electricity from his magic orb encased me. I couldn't move or talk and found myself completely entranced by the stomping feet, sinnamon smell, and the eerie glow from the orb. "Who are you?" I tried to ask, but I found that with each attempt to speak I rose higher into the air. Over the circle dancers I hovered, and a tingling numbness began to manifest in my extremities. I tried to crane my neck to watch the mysterious people, but I felt like my head was becoming detatched from the rest of me. I could feel myself standing, no lying, in a bed, but there was no bed to be seen anywhere. I felt sleepy... I tried to fight my drowsiness, but it looked like it would be impossible. Fading into sleep I realized I could smell the remnants of my dinner and I'd left my computer on. I adjusted my glasses and rolled the chair up to the bar of soap on a rope around my neck of the woods. Perhaps my thoughts fled from me.

-by Amanda and Mike

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 06:21:09 GMT

The world is kind of beautiful at 6am on a Saturday
I'm not even tired, but I should probably sleep
It's crisp, but not cold
The sky is crystal clear
I'm all alone to enjoy this

I. Am. Awesome.

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 20:10:19 GMT

Subtitle: Sprinhill Lake. Sucks. Major.

So, for maintenance reasons, my heat and water were shut off today at 7am. I didn't get to shower before class, and it was starting to get cold in here.

What do I do? Only the most awesomest thing ever. I challenge you to come up with something more awesomer.

I brushed my teeth, washed my hair, and washed my face with two bottles of water.

It was pretty cool. Teeth first: doesn't use much water. Then hair. I heated up some water in a mug, dumped it on my head, lathered up, then got more heated up water. Repeat for face.

It worked pretty well. And I'm super proud of myself.

Bad news? and another dream.

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 13:54:37 GMT

John called me this morning to say that my apartment was on fire.

He woke me up- I almost started freaking out. But then he said "apartments in Beltsville, on Cherry Hill Road." Yeah, I don't live there. Actually it's Greenbelt, and Cherrywood Lane. Close, though. Nice try, John. Back to sleep, me.

But thennnn I was woken up by a cat, at which point I remembered a fun dream. Megan K, AD/SM from The Frogz, called me because she was AD/SMing another show that needed a composer. I said sure. They were already into rehearsals, so I thought I'd stop by and see how things were going.

It another new adaptation of The Frogs... this time all of the characters were Russian. Instead of Aeschylus and Euripides, or Shakespeare and Shaw, or Brando and Belushi, they were Chekov and Ibsen. The cast: my old roommate Dave Michaels, Jake Lemmnes, and Christian from the current season of Project Runway. I think there was also a wolf on stage. I started to watch rehearsal, and I thought... what the fuck... I can't write music for this. Then Christian delivered some lines really poorly and Dave laughed at him. The end.

Conversations

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 16:42:41 GMT

As you can see from this first text conversation, I'm way too obsessed with Project Runway.

Me: I don't think I like most of the women.
Me: Definitely don't like Christian.
Amanda: Haha, he's my favorite thee with fatty
Me: Fear box!!!
Amanda: Yeah Do you know how hard it was to refrain from texting when I saw that?
Amanda: I like Christian, Fat man, and Ralph Lauren girl.
Me: I like hot guy that they just showed in his underwear.
Me: Oh my got I want to smack Christian. He's the gay guy I can't stand. Gives the rest of us a bad name.
Me: Hat boy is cute.
Me: Though I don't like Christian, I liked his dress. I would have kicked off crazy girl.

Also, I rely a little too heavily on John.

John: It turns out I am going to NY, I'll be back for the opera tomorrow. Have fun tonight.
Me: Oh, ok... John, who am I going to eat with? I can't do this without you, man!
John: Pull... (slap) Yourself... (slap) Together... (slap) Man! (slap)

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 23:23:58 GMT

Is Christmas seriously that close? I heard a Christmas song on the radio today. "A Very Merry Christmas/War is Over" wins for first song this year. At least it's not Lloyd's "arrangement" of "Happy Holidays".

Little anecdote- that's all.

Maybe I'm not angry

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 23:54:41 GMT

Wow. So, the director of the opera already replied to my email, saying that since the men weren't originally called, I don't have to be there for the gala. Yay! I get to see the other opera!

I love nice people.

Gonna write a post. Gonna write an angry post.

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 23:50:09 GMT

I am SO PISSED right now.

So. There's this thing called the Gala Preview for the opera. The understudies sing a few of the arias from the opera. That's it. Or, I thought that was it. From all the emails I had gotten, I thought that was all that was going on. Turns out they want the entire chorus there. The men sing like 10 measures. That's it.

"Oh well," I thought. "The gala is on Saturday, November 10. I don't have anything going on then, so nothing to worry about."

Nope. It's on Wednesday, November 14th. Know what else is Wednesday the 14th? The opera at the Kennedy Center that I was going to go see. That Kyle already got me a ticket for. A $25 ticket.

So now I'm out $25, unless Kyle or I can find somebody else to go. I won't get to see the opera, after meeting the composer on Monday and getting really excited about it. And I'll have to put on a suit to sit on a bench and sing two words in one song: "si, davero", and stand behind a bench and sing a few more words in another song: "Qua dottore, a me dottore. Qua due, qua tre. Viva il grande Dulcamara, posa presto a noi tornar. Addio." Beautiful.

Also, on my way home today I stopped to get Taco Bell because I was hungry and wanted to get rid of my anger with some really unhealthy food. Guess what. They were out of beef. Taco Bell was out of the main ingredient of a taco... you couldn't order a taco at Taco Bell. Making it just Bell. Honestly, who wants to go to a restaurant named Bell? OUT OF BEEF? Are you fucking kidding me? That's like Dairy Queen being out of Dairy. Or Burger King being out of Burgers. I bet that never, ever happens.

So, I didn't get the food I wanted after having a shitty evening.

On top of all of that, I have a zit starting to show up on my face.

Un fucking believable.

Hello Xanga. It's been forever

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 15:22:37 GMT

This post may have some language inappropriate for minors. And it's just weird.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO65OlAhEJg

Welcome. Sorry I'm late, I gave myself a cameltoe and not the Dorothy Hamell kind. Let me put my hands together. You know, the one right down in my snackaterium, in my shaggy DA, in my messy cleft pallet, in my mos def, in the dirty old moose hoof, in my fuzzy mimosa, in my dizzy furlough. God I could use some trouser gravy right now.

Something you may not know about me: I take in purebreds and I give them a weave then I tattoo eyebrows on them.

Well look at how big my vagine looks- it's a huge vagine! I've even had to underline it!

Now when I put you down, little dog, you're gonna go run the camcorder because you're gonna take this and I'm gonna sell this.

Oh, my thighs are so huge. Watch me mount -schlurp- I'm now hermetically sealed to the bike.-schlurp- Ok, I'm exhausted. Something else you didn't know about me: I like going to the circus. I like to play whack a mole or pound the beaver.

Well, I'm 100% 50/50 that I can get down to my birthweight of 5lbs 6oz. Another diet tip is if you get too much of anything in your mouth just spit it out. God knows I do. And with dieting it's like life: as long as I don't bleed or cry I'll do it. -schlurp-

Give yourself a chest cameltoe by lifting screws and nuts right under your chin. Well done. Kudos me. I made myshelf pregnant.

What the hell is thish words? Uh, the bottom line is, let me just paraphrase for you:If you get skinny enough you'll look like a lollipop- nice big head and a stick body. And that's the goal, ishn't it?

I just tattooed this cat this morning. Look at the good I do. Get the hell out of here. I'm a pirate.

Here are the oo's and on'ts of dieting: Let me hold my vagine first: we're never ever going to eat anything that you see right here, especially that. That has sprouts and carrots and lettuce. When you consume those they keep growing in your stomach. And they make you puffy. THEY DO, I TELL YOU! THEY DO! THEY DO! That was acting. Thank you.

My shirt just threw up on my head. But if I hold my hands together and pretend I'm skinny, well, I hope you don't take [umbrage?] with that. I'm so exhausted, but that doesn't stop me from reading porn to the blind. Standing and posing, it's just like pulling a trick, now isn't it? And you know how to do that. You haven't? Well, let me ask you this: Who hasn't traded a little quick sex in a toilet cubicle for a sawbuck before?

Well hello amorous congress stick! You know what's good in my mouth? This carrot. I never met a carrot I didn't like. EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE!

Welcome to my ending. Remember that when you eat you're just a vacuum with nipples.