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oh. so. much.
I close my eyes tight tight squeezed eyes tightly until i swear i think they're open.. and concentrate on the way it feels to close my eyes so tightly. The way it feels like your head is growing and that tingling sound happens in your ears....that tight
The song changes and begins and compells my eyes to lift open. I love this song. As Karen O leads the yeah yeah yeahs deeper into my head with another song i haven't heard yet that rocks.
I am squished (but not uncomfortably so) between Drew Mississippi and Winston Alabama in lina's car. We're visiting the place in Petrero Valley that really did and still does exist as a real place..outside of my and kirsten's make-believe. well...
It still was sereal. What with the calm talk of fire twisting over the hills, comming to eat up everyone's homes. With that blue cloudless sky, and the only physical concept of fire being the yellow firetruck we saw parked and abandoned on the way in. Somewhere, cars were packed. But here in this room were family members elated by an unexpected reunion.. the return of a son (with his friends).
I still think that unreal things happen in this place we're leaving.. driving downward against the road that is only now paved again. Karen O is real. Our friendships are real. We're driving somewhere familiar.
but that's how i feel. don't tell.
oh, and i love kirsten, leens, bobby, josh, winston, and drew, and derek. |
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| "we've gone on too long to simply say goodbye to gather sticks and brinks and build our seperate lives... so here's to another time..."
Today is a perfect day for melancholy music that drifts and bends away, that pulls in a few different directions, that leads you whichever way you're naturally most inclined to go.
"so this is where the end meets me
and where roads would lead."
I've decided not to be angry until sunday..at six o'clock pm. Until then, i do appreciate the way our sky is warm and grey and hidden today. and a ceramic teacup brimming with caramel macchiatto awaits me. There is just the right amount of resolve one feels knowing that a cup of coffee will go right on a given day. |
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Last night at work I saw Scott Tuggle walk right in the door. Just as I was about to scream, I realized that it definately was not Scott. I took a double-take.
Definately not him.
Unavoidably, I blushed. a lot. a lot. I had very nearly jumped over the counter to hug a complete stranger. And he was almost deemed "Scott" for thes rest of his life.
So this guy who's definately not Scott stood back and watched extreme facial expressions careen over me at his entrance.
He probably thinks i have a major crush on him.
This probably made his day..
I'm okay with that. | | | |
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I've been flying high all night So come pick me up...I've landed.
A visual tour of Pasadena complete with Leen's semi-regular commentary. We were shown everything..and there's so much more to see. The City of Hope was unfolded before my eyes. We raced the sun to experience childhoods and a real pizza parlor (both ends of the same road), and the Majestic Ambassador College [known as Lincoln Park until further discovery]. As the sun sinks into the ground, all I can hear is Derek reiterate with complete anticipation, "There's going to be so much more to this day." The same as Kirsten covers my eyes and whispers, "There's more."
Back at home, a dim room holds everything anyone can ever need--an old movie and everyone cuddled close with blankets and Ide's quesadillas. Whoever walked in the door received hugs (even from the people they didn't know.) This may have been the best part: When Syd brought her feet up and huddled close to Leens, I brought my feet up too. Ide then pulled my feet to where they would rest against her. I hadn't even known I was cold and could be made more comfortable. I was struck..by the kind of person who would think to do that.
"Rest in me, little David and dry all your tears, you can lay down your armor and have no fear cause I'm always here when your tired of running, and I'm all the strength that you need".
Later, it's Postal Service done Derek style. We were all huddled close in this night that seemed so big. Within this dark and gold glowing room, my eyes were fixated on his bent figure. I'm so glad that we're all suddenly friends. And then the rooms explodes...
you seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
a stranger with a door key explaining that i am just visiting
and i am finally seeing why i was the one worth leaving
the district sleeps alone tonight after the bars turn out their lights
and send the autos swerving into the loneliest evening
and i am finally seeing why i was the one worth leaving
His voice does what only a violin can do..Where it's actually the instrument weeping from sorrow and from victory. It makes the heart expand and soar. (While it's not really anything to say "thank you" about, I just wanted you to know. And Kirsten gets it.) Some of the time, I was conscious of the fact that I would never remember enough. Already the memories were bleeding chronologically into one another. When did we eat Ide's glorious quesadillas? What happened before the bookstore? Who's on first? And when was there a boy with a bird?
Regardless, it is well to let the day end in its own poetic, fading way. With Big Band and Swing tucked safely away in Derek's pocket, the moon dancing above the horizon is my anticipation for other times (soon). | | | |
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this song will become the anthem of your underground.
if yesterday contained the world's emotions, then it did again today..only moreso. emotions can accumulate... a woman and her husband came into the store today asking for a gift card envelope (but didn't want to buy a card). a few hours before that, my manager had told me not to give out envelopes without cards because we're running out. i explained. without warning she declairs, "i'm going to lose my temper." and she did. and ran out of the store. i gave an envelope to her husband and he paid for their other purchases. she now has an envelope.
i needed to be unphased...i had a new face to look directly into and a new request to memorize and pass on..it was an endless game of telephone, where the message kept changing. my job can be tough at times, but i still love it.
i need to rise to the challenge each time.
a woman stands in line and tells me, "grande pepermint mocha...Joanne." i asked her if her name had an 'e' at the end, and she says yes...then she can't stop smiling. after i had walked her cup over to the bar and came back, she was still grinning. when i asked her if she wanted anything to eat, she declined in such a way that conveyed how special i had made her feel. i love my job, still it can be tough at times.
and at your funeral I will sing the requiem. i'd offer you my hand, it would hurt too much to watch you die
Kirsten mixed an album called Peace EP..it's for when we really need peace. I haven't listened to it yet. | | | |
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