gosh....this girl...I duno ....i's good that babe told me to stop or else i will be writing this super long email..

I mean..i do thinnk that all mah emails are pretty good.. heheheee.....i like mah writting for da first time...it's a pitty that I couldn't sent that too her.. I mean..if she really use her heart to read it...I is very helpful to her...it's just I know she can never read it like that. I really dun think she wants to be my friend coz...reading her xanga..how can she...she knows exactly what babe is thinking....know the exact real pic....she just couldn't let go...and hoping that one day babe will chagne..watever....it's better for me to get her out of mah life...it's very true..coz..I know I have the upper hand but...just like what esther said, it is very easy to over look the down side when you know you have the upper hand...so..yea..jstu staying away from everyone.

hahahhaa...I duno wat to say anymore...feeling very emotionally unstable again...is it coz aiiii...

I duno if ｉ　ａｍ　going bak to that stage.....I dun wanna cry day and night. The worst things is I have no reason to cry yet I still cry for nothing...why ?? i dun wanna break down again...i just wanna be emotionally stable just like last two weeks. I wrote her this really long emails. I guess I gave my heart to it. it's a pitty that we can't be friends. I do see the innocent me inside her some how. sometime I was wondering is mun really that bad to me....or just try to be friends with me. becase the truth is..if I am really friends wif her..I would just tell her the truth ...but ...babe is always mah babe...so..I won't...no one can ever replace her in mah heart and I know that...

aiii..why am I even scared....should I trust what brian said...but wat he said is more than convincing...coz..i didn;t even tell him who I am asking about...the hard feelings are just way to deep . There are things that can never be resolved. There are a part of me that thinking may be I should stop everything between me n babe...but I guess she is not the right person if she has di yee towards me. I understand her but jstu can't accept that. plus..needa stary strong.

I wanna be simple....I wanna think simple..but why are people around me so complicated.

dinner wif Paulson tmr. He is bringing his gf to show me..ahahah....I really like the way he listens to me and wat I say...hope he will have a longer relationship this time..I mean..he is not as bad as esther told me....at least to me.. i do understand where she is coming from but...aiii....sometime I just wish esther can come with us to dinner and chill....duno why...I guess this will never happen.....

hmmm...babe babe....why is she treating me this well..feel so guilty sometimes.....

i am sad.....I am really sad....but I dun wanna tell anyone...I wish I can fly....I hope I can fly....

after drinking I am feeling more depress...

I wasn;'t happy at all.....

I am sad...but I dun have any reason......

no where else i can write...may be this will be the only place...

i guess i am very happy these days...eventhough I find out a 'good' news...i jsut hate the way why she say she still love her.l.

 just hated it so much..but i stop myself from giving any sign that I know what's happening...coz...may be i dun really care anymore..or maybe i dun care as much..

i feel wired..but i am still feeling stronger than ever

Wind's nocturne

Wishing on a dream that seems far off
Hoping it will come today
Into the starlit night
Foolish dreamers turn their gaze
Waiting on a shootin star
But

What if that star is not to come
Will their dreams fade to nothing?
When the horizon darkens most
We all need to believe there is hope

Is an angel watching closely over me?
Can there be a guiding light i've yet to see?
I know my heart should guide me but
There's a hole within my soul
What will fill this emptiness inside of me?

Am I to be satisfied without knowing
I wish then for a chance to see
Now all I need,
Is my star to come...