moniyasha's Xanga

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 13:34:08 GMT

mood:>>>need a brake but still going @.@;; lol

hello everyone. sorry for not being on in so long but yesh merry late cristmas and happy new year! sorry i have not been online in so long it's because of my mom and all the studying put towards my finals O.o (meep) lol. Right now i'm tired out off my mind, my head hurts my back is wound up like a pretzle and i cant see strait haha. it's 10:29am right now so i'm going to go hit the showers and see if i can get a spot of rest at least. so i'll see you all after finals!!! lol

~the moni-chan

"doing the impossible can be fun."- walt disney

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 22:55:12 GMT

mood: >>>i bite... grrr. but to my friends I bare no ill will.

hello everyone... gosh i was happy today but i dont know it seems people love to push my buttons when i'm doing fine. You know i really dont ask for to much and i love to smile from time to time to show how i feel but pardon my language if you want me to go back to the fucking stone age and snarle at you then so be it. I'm actulaly very passive and gentile but if showing that i'm happy automaticly makes me sick then i hope you can deal with a robot with no feelings what so ever because if that is what you want then i'll let you have it. i've been in several small spats this week and i dont like to be like this but sometimes it's to much.... i just want to hear something crash under my foot or scream at the top of my lungs. just let out a blood curdling battle cry. " why cant you smile more?, why are you mad?, why are you so cold?, why cant you act more like a girl??, why cant you feel emotions the right way?,why cant you?, i want, i need, you cant....." just shut the hell up.... this is why i'm a blaze... i cant handle this. i only want to be able to be free just like anyone else but if i have to fight for it like everything else..... then ok. I will be ok soon..... i just need to wash this anger and rage out. i'm going to go pray..... dont worry. i'm going to go heal........

~the moni-chan

sorry for no poem i'll make one soon and thankies for the props

i just need to say that sorry if i freaked anyone out

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 00:29:17 GMT

mood:>>> mind wandering,cold,hugging a suffed animal for confort.(i dont know why i'm so insecure at this time lol) ._.''

hellos everyone! Just so you all know i actualy got my lazy self to get a yahoo SN so here it is you all : thisburningsoul90 . It's cloudy outside which makes it pretty cold. i actualy had issues with geting warm today and i still am. But thats not really what bothered me. i sat and thought about how lonely and big the city is. curently i'm reading a book about this guy in rehab for my english home work and in this book he describes this great void and lonelyness which lead me to think about all the lonely people that live in this big city and durring the holidays how hard it must be on them. Also i felt the lonelyness take me by suprise so to numb it i listened to some depeche mode and fell asleep listening to david gahan's voice. It put me right of to bed after i had put the book down. it's a really good book it really was hard to let go of it but i felt lonely and a bit sleepy so i had to. So out of insparation and today's feelings i guess i'll chock up a poem. so here it goes...

*black*

it grows closer to night and i wait for it to come

this blackness,this darkness,this pain

I look away and hold on to you.

we cover our ears and we wait for it to hit

this blackness,this darkness, this thing

the coldness takes hold and we shiver

under it's power. this is a silent killer and murder it wants

this blackness,this darkness, this void

it comes in waves and causes lovers to wither

this deadly state of mind that drives us all mad

this blackness, this darkness, this emotion

it leaves as soon as it came but leaves this stinging pain.

the best way to handle this disease it to let it come then go.

chase it away with a prayer or a spell or even a distant thought.

just make it stop...

(note* i'm not mad or anything i just felt ike that abit)

thats my spot of poetry for now. so i shall talk and see you all laters.

lovash you all!

~the moni-chan

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 04:31:07 GMT

mood: >>>sleepy...but dreamy.

Hello everyone just fixed up my xanga and wow it's been a long time! just stoping by to say hello and that i might be on more often. i actaualy feel creative so i might put up some poems soon also some other stuff like songs and things. but for now i guess just stoping by. The holidays are around the bend and i;m happy but a bit sad at the same time because of all the things that have happened to me on the holidays as well as a bit of nistolgia. but nothing much else. besides my crazy journey through life it gets hard then it it lets me rest a bit like right know i should rest. lol but i'm to cought up thining of things passed and present and when i sleep some times i feel like i want to dream forever. but for now just keeping sane and loving everything that comes my way should keep me alright. well i better go now i'm sleepy. sorry for my ramblings i just had to get that off my chest but yesh see you all soon.

~moni-chan

ps: love will find you. when you least expect it. trust me o.o) ^.^

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 01:17:55 GMT

YOU CAN ASK ME SIX QUESTIONS::
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
__________________________________________________
No matter how random, revealing, rude, naughty or pointless
__________________________________________________
I promise to answer them 100% truthfully
__________________________________________________
All questions are COMPLETELY confidential
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[[[Repost this to see what others ask you...]]]

just a little questionare to lighten up the mood ^ ^''

lovash you all!

~the moni-chan

Monday, September 05, 2005

Mon, 05 Sep 2005 22:44:11 GMT

i will do my best to help to help any one of you! i love you all and thank you maria and to all those I love i will come back to you all. Thank you all. *^ ^*

~moni-chan

I love you all with my heart

"giving....is better than reciveing......love is wonderful but would it not be better to give it to someone who needs it? thats what i belive...so i give my love to all who all who call to me....all who love me...all who will wait for me.....all who understand me.....i know my place now.......and i am....a giver........a giver of love.....and i will try to heal you....no matter what" ~monica

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 11:27:30 GMT

mood:.....

"Still Breathing"

Home, it's not brick or stone
Or comfort in the firelight,
Not in that sense anyway.
Dreams, if only I had known
But these things always seem
So much clearer at a distance.

I'm walking out of this town
I'm never going back there,
I'm never going back there.
I'd burn the place to the ground.
I'm never going back there,
I'm never going back there again.

Words only could break that ring
You know the words still sting
So much harder than the blows ever did.
Heart, though it's hot and violent
My head is cool and quiet
As the ashes that fall from the sky

I'm walking out of this town
I'm never going back there,
I'm never going back there.
I burn the place to the ground.
I'm never going back there,
I'm never going back there again.

Now, I know this shattered feeling,
Trampled but still breathing.

I'm just waiting for a good day
I'm walking out of this town
I'm never going back there,
I'm never going back there.
I've burn the place to the ground.
I'm never going back there,
I'm never going back there again.
Never going back there again,
I'm never going back there again

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

thats the song that is curently playing on my xanga.....it's how i feel.......and if t put anyother song it would be to dramatic and not true...so.............here's a spot of truth........

~moni-chan *sighs*

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 23:45:28 GMT

mood:>>> happy! ^ ^

How is everone? good I hope. well realy dont have much to say today but i shall write a poem instead. lol it's alile thing i wanted to say to some one but did not get the chance to...sadly -.- but i need to release it so i dont keep is bottled up and blow. so i'm going to share it with you poetic style! ^ ^ ok so here it goes...

*talk....*

the time we get to talk is is eaten away by a never stoping clock..

the time we get is very short

you adore me in every aspect and way

i feel the same but hesatate to speak

I try to articulate...but the words just wont come

you acknowledge my silnce for the the love that is realy there

I want to say what you just said and more

but under the prying eyes of others i can'not revieal what is there

for I want you and only you to feel what is meant to be felt

not the others but there's ever constant therat....

that if i dont revial what is realy felt

you wont know and you will leave me here

in this world that i fear

i could not say it to you then

but now that you are gone not forever but awhile

i say "till the next time we meet...I promise...I will wait for you and not falter....for it is you that has brought me to the light so that I can see."

I'll never leave

I am you and you are me......

hope you like well got to go! night and lovash you! ^ ^

~the moni-chan

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 01:21:17 GMT

mood:...i'm back! ^_~

hello everyone! how are you? good I hope. This is a short entry but i'll see you soon k? night! Lovash you!!!!

the moni-chan

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 14:34:52 GMT

Mood:>>> "I'll miss you guys soooo much I love you!" feeling happy yet sad..

Hello everyone! How are u? good I hope. Ohhh my gosh....today WE GRADUATE!!!! XDD! well like the last entry I'm sad beacause we wont get to see each other like we uesed to and we'll miss eachother very much.{note* I'm talking about the class of 2005..lol ^ ^} The past year is filled with memorys and wonderful moments that are curently floating through my mind. And I want to thank everyone on xanga for adding to those memorys! well seeing how there is really much more to say I'm going to atempt to write a poem or some thing of the sort so...here it goes..[please no rash coments...this is my first online poem ^_^;;;]

*Remember*

love has no sence of time

live it, learn it that is what we all do

I will sertantly wait for you

if the time comes we have to leave

I'll never let go of you you'll be part of me

no mater when,where and why

I will always be by your side

call for me and i'll come to you

dont worry we will see things through

but now we have to go

what will happen I dont know

but please dont cry for me

remember I always will

the time you came to me and took me by the hand

you loved and cared for me

our love is timeless it is bliss

that is why it is you I will always miss

but until we meet again

it is you I will rmember and miss....

well hope everyone likes the poem and i shall see you all later ok bye!!! with love.

The Moni-chan ^_^