| royce kalakapu kauhaneits amazing how God can surprise you in so many ways. i remember praying to God and asking him to help me through my pain. and he showed me mercy, compassion. i survived a year with barely any drama with family, friends, and boys. i managed to keep my attention on one, kamauoha. and just when that likeness went down, some angel walked into my life. i believe he is my blessing. through all the suffering and sore hearts, God had brought someone to me, or me to someone. and thats Royce.
i admit, i was afraid to be with him. no matter what i tell people for instance: "oh i had to decide if i wanted to be available this summer or not." totally NOT the truth. i was afraid to give my heart again. but being with him doesn't necessarily mean that i have to give my heart right away. i can give it time. so i said yes. he was too good to let go.
i find myself always thinking about him. and i mean always. every little moment. or i'll think of something i said or he said. something will remind me of him. sometimes i feel bad for always talking to amber about him. but she says that she doesn't mind. this boy has got me.
there are times i find myself thinking i'm not good enough. why? i think its because he treats me sooo good. i care about this boy so much. i've never cared for someone so much. i find myself thinking that if someone special from his past came back into his life, i would be willing to let him go. if there was something about her that made him happy then he should be with her. as long as he is happy. i don't care if i get torn up. as long as he is happy. and if hes only happy when hes not with me, then so be it. as much as i would want to fight, i can't fight how he feels. i care about him that much. so sacrifice my feelings, for his. he tells me to put myself first, but truth is, he comes first. i want to satisfy him. i've always wanted to give my wholeself to someone. and i see myself giving my all to him. as much as it scares me that he will hurt me, i trust him. there's a quote that goes along these lines. i trust him enough not to break my heart.
slowly my heart is letting down the walls. its a little too soon. but in time, i will give him my heart. right now he has my full attention. my mind wants to give away my heart. but my heart needs a little more time. but he deserves to have all of me. he deserves to be happy. and so do i. he makes me truly happy.
thank you God for this blessing.
thank you. thank you.
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