Well it has been a really long time since I've written anything down here. Mostly to avoid boring you with the unsordid, undramatic, goofy silly squishy love that is my life. In a sense it's sad - I usually write here when I'm sad or angry. Or if I'm talking about C.
Since I know I don't have a loyal fan following like most of you out there, I'll recap. C was a friend of mine I met briefly. We lost touch. I had a dream about him one night and when I called his house, his dad told me that he had almost died the night he came to me in my dream, that he was in the hospital and he had a brain tumor. I think he may have lasted a week or maybe a little more after I got that phone call. One night during that week, I went to get some henna to have something to meditate on, and a man came in off the street saying he "sensed me" and gave me a healing crystal. I don't really believe in all of that stuff, but I swear to you, it felt like the crystal left my hand feeling tingly and warm for the rest of the night. On the day that C died a pastor (or someone religious who's allowed to have kids...i don't know what he's called) came to visit my mom out of the blue "sensing" that there was something going on with her. There was nothing going on with her, it was me- and C and he gave her the Christian sermon that he would typically give the family of the dead and/or dying at the exact moment that C was taken off the respirator.
I only knew C for a short time and I feel like I may have hurt him during that time. What I knew of him was that he was sweet and loving and kind, that even while paralyzed in the hospital, he apologized to nurses for not being able to buy them birthday presents, and that for some reason he continues to reach out after death to me and to my friend MC who was with me at the time. There have been two separate anniversaries of his death that I have forgotten only to have C come to me or to MC in our dreams to remind us? to see us? to reassure us? I'm not sure why, but he does. He came to me in my dreams tonight, er this morning, which is why I am up at 5am and on xnga for the first time in about a year. Because he came to me in my dreams in a house that was frighteningly like a larger version of the one his mother lived in, and because well I was petrified (I don't know why) that he had come on the anniversary of his death again, and I again, had forgotten it. Well, I was part right, I had forgotten it (again), but he was a week off....
Eitherways, something about the circumstances of his death changed my life. And continues to change my life. The combination of the dreams, the street healers coming off the streets to find me, Christian folks coming off the streets to find my mom who was thinking about how sad I was, and the combined strength and faith that C and his family had changed my views on God. I mean God was always there, in the back of my mind...when my parents dragged me to temple, I prayed, when they told me it was Sunday and we needed to pray, I prayed. I had a test, I prayed. I don't think I ever felt touched by God until that time, or maybe touched by an angel. Touched by something outside the rational mind. I would love to say that as life changed as I was, I would be a better Hindu, pray more, or something. I guess I came into some of that in my own time, but if not for C, the smidge more of spirituality I have may never have happened.
A lot has happened in the time since C's death. I moved out of Austin, back to Houston. I found my calling in working with kids and adults with disabilities in Houston, went to Nashville to go to school for it. In Nashville I found my soul mate (picked him up at the airport if you can believe it) and thus the fabulous squishy love I was talking about earlier. I am now at a small, tiny little hick town closer to Virginia and North Carolina than I am to Nashville (tho still in TN) surrounded by mountains, dogwood trees, tulips.... and still and always (I hope) still surrounded by my angel, C.
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