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mooseworth
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Name: Laura
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Orange County
Birthday: 10/31/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: becoming more like Jesus, knowing the Lord God and making Him known,
reading, good fantasy and sci fi (by Tolkien, Lewis, MacDonald,...), The Lord of the Rings trilogy,
pursuing truth, goodness, and beauty,
China and the language of Mandarin Chinese,
impressionist art, beautiful music,
learning to let go of perfectionism, daily being filled with God's grace and love,
savoring a cup of tea,
sunshine, green things,
curling up by a fireplace with a good book and mug of hot chocolate
Expertise: good hugs, worrying about trivial things, remembering song lyrics and movie lines
Occupation: Student, learner
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/5/2004
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| updated lookOh yes, I've changed my "site look" again! The color scheme is similar but different than before. I'm trying a lighter, brighter palette in honor of SUMMER! Also, the heading has been completely changed. 
How do you like it? Is everything reasonably legible? | | |
| a mind to writeWhenever I sit down "with a mind to write" lately, I seem to get bogged down in long paragraphs that don't seem to be going anywhere, and then I give up on the entry when it gets too long and unwieldy. My goal for this one, then, is to just share some thoughts and post it before I can thwart my own efforts.
Things have been good here at home. As I've said before, it's nice to be home. I love waking up every morning and wandering around to see what Sarah is up to, stopping in for a quick visit with my Dad in the office most afternoons, and being excited when Mom comes home from work in the evenings. It's nice. I'm pretty well adjusted now to the new routines and the new sets of activities or chores that are now my responsibility as well. There was a bit of a rough period in there as I was learning to invest as a full member of the household and to adopt an attitude of willingness to do what needs to be done if I can do it, even if I don't particularly feel like doing it. For some, that comes more easily, but for me, for some reason, it didn't. I'm glad I'm finally getting the hang of it though- cheerful willingness to help- because it's one of those things that's really required as a part of maturity and growing up. I may be a late bloomer, but as least now I'm in bloom. 
The Great Job Search continues, but at a fairly leisurely pace. I've FINISHED my resume (hallelluiah!) by now, which is a HUGE weight off my shoulders. Phew! My dad was kind enough to devote a few hours of his time to assisting me in that endeavor, and I think it looks like a pretty good resume. It does boost my confidence to have it. Hopefully *crosses fingers, realizes that's superstitious, uncrosses fingers and prays* I'll be having an interview this week with Free Wheelchair Mission and I might just be able to get a job with them. I think I mentioned them before, so I won't go into how wonderful an organization they are. But needless to say, they are wonderful and I would be honored and overjoyed to work with them.
Also, I'm planning a trip to Oregon for about two weeks. I leave this coming Monday, actually, which is kind of amazing. Now that it comes to it, I feel a bit reluctant to leave since there are things I'd like to do first and certainly friends and family who I enjoy and will miss. But it seems that to some degree I'm always reluctant to start a new phase of life, no matter how small, and am constantly tempted to hold onto the last one. That next stage always comes anyway, though, so I am determined to embrace this one and be thankful rather than think of the things I'm temporarily leaving behind. and really, 2 weeks isn't a terribly long time. not compared to 6 or 7 weeks at least!
This time in Oregon is going to be a blessing in more ways than I can anticipate. I'll be living with dear, Godly relatives- my mom's second cousin and his wife and daughter- who I can't wait to get to know better. These are the very same relatives that Sarah spent the summer with a few years ago, so now it is my turn to spend a few weeks with them. The daughter, Sheila, is a couple years my senior and is one of the gentlest, sweetest, and most discerning Christian women I know. Living, talking and praying with her is going to be such a delight! They are also very independent and industrious people~ growing their own fruits and vegetables, keeping chickens and a cow, working hard, cooking wonderful meals, making their own jams and jellies, etc. They are incredibly self-sufficient and creative, not to mention a lot of fun. I hope to learn much while I'm there and I have no doubt that it will be a time of growth, just as my time at home has been, and will be again when I return.
As for leisure activities, I've been flitting about from thing to thing; reading books, getting together with friends, watching movies, and dabbling here and there with Mandarin study and sketching trees~I don't know why, but I've always loved to draw trees. I've got the Pimsleur CDs for learning Mandarin and listened to a useful lesson the other day. I've also been thinking about studying my Latin charts so that I don't forget all of what I was learning last semester from Jenni.
Among the books I've been reading are: Perelandra (number 2 in CS Lewis's Space Trilogy and a truly creative and awe-inspiring work),
The Hidden Life: Revelations from a Holy Journey (testimony to a humble and Godly woman's life full of beauty and a well of deep wisdom),
The Shack (a recent sensation in irvine and apparently all around America that's caused a fair bit of interesting discussion and controversy), and
The Hobbit (Tolkien's adventurous children's tale that started it all) Truthfully, I haven't started re-reading the Hobbit as much as I've just been listening to the next installments of those delightful lectures on The Hobbit by the Tolkien Professor, Dr. Corey Olsen.
Additionally, I've added a few new Chinese CDs to my itunes library (not just pop this time but some jazz as well) thanks to my generous friend Christopher from overseas.
Movies I've watched in the past 3 weeks include (in no particular order)-
- Harry Potter 1,2,3 and 5 (hehe, i'd have watched 4 but Father's Day came and my Dad wanted to watch #5),
- The Secret Garden (a lovely film, brought me back to my childhood)
- Nanny McPhee (great fun, great meaning, great movie)
- The Little Princess (another memory from when I was little. at times sad, but always beautiful)
- To Sir With Love (an oldy but a good-y. the first in the line of 'inspirational teacher movies')
- Bedknobs and Broomsticks (one of my absolute favs growing up! what's not to love about Angela Lansbury, music by the guys who wrote the songs for Mary Poppins, magic and mayhem, Nazis getting their butts kicked, and plenty of unforgettable marvels like Portabello Road? Portabello Road, Portabello Road, street where the riches of ages are stowed. Anything and everything a chap can unload is sold on the bellows of Portabello Road...)
- Finding Nemo (hadn't watched it in ages. it's still just as wonderful as I remembered, or maybe more so)
- The Perfect Man (a surprisingly good "chick flick" with wit, heart, and some good lessons. I really enjoyed it)
- The Painted Veil (words fall short of description. best i can do is: intensely and delicately, hauntingly and vibrantly beautiful. take care to have kleenex handy)
that's all for now, friends. Blessings!
(I did it, hurray! I finished a post and posted it!)
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| Update Pre- and Post-Graduation, Pan and Potterhello again. it's been quite a long while since i wrote anything here. i've of course been reading your blogs (oh friends of mine), but haven't been writing myself. here's a bit of an update on me for those who may not have heard the latest:
much has happened since my last entry, like me writing that Oral Interp piece/speech about Warren and performing it, the "lobby crew" having our usual Philosopher's Ball festivities, finals week- including my last donrags- and the end of the semester, Torrey Graduation, Biola Graduation- the cap, the gown, the walking across the stage to get our diplomas-the whole deal, two grad parties, and moving back into my old room at home. Now I'm mostly just trying to take it easy for a short while, catch up with old friends from home, and clean and rearrange my room to make it reflect the me I am now more than the me I was in high school and jr. high.
I've also been reading some fun books, including Peter Pan by myself (which i'm really enjoying and am sad that I shall finish soon), and the last two from the Harry Potter series aloud to my sis. Sarah was so bored by the fifth book that she gave up on the series and has required a concerted effort on my part of pleading and cajoling to get her to agree to even listen to the last two being read aloud. The sixth book took forever for us to get through, but now we're really flying through the seventh one because she's more engaged in the story and, for the most part, less annoyed with the characters. at last! by the way, that Harry Potter series is just amazing. I am constantly impressed by the scope and quality of J.K. Rowling's writing. Sometimes Sarah and I just pause in our reading as we admire some of her beautifully crafted sentences.
I confess I've spent one whole day watching TV and movies, which is almost obligatory for a proper vacation, right? but it was pretty mind-numbing, except when the Karate Kid 2 came on, so I think I prefer to relax by doing something a little more stimulating and interesting. i've slept in very late a few mornings, which has also been kinda fun but will not become a habit. i prefer to get up and do things with my day. So, the past two weeks have largely been spent hanging out and catching up with good friends I haven't seen in a while. That has been quite enjoyable. I'm so grateful that I still have some really great friends here with whom I can just pick up where we left off. One girl even wants to meet regularly to discuss theological issues and questions, and to keep each other accountable to pursuing God and a life worthy of our Lord. Praise the Lord! I'm still trying to figure out where to go to church now, though for the time being I am back at my "home church" from before. I miss my church in Whittier already, but I want to go where God leads me and I think it's important to try to attend church locally so that I can be involved in more than just sunday attendance and can really be a contributing part of the community. We'll see where the Lord leads... and in August I'll also see where He leads me to a job...
that's all for now. Blessings!
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| More... than all this“More” ©Andrew Peterson
This is not the end here at this grave
This is just a hole that someone made
Every hole was made to fill
And every heart can feel it still--
Our nature hates a vacuum
This is not the hardest part of all
This is just the seed that has to fall
All our lives we till the ground
Until we lay our sorrows down
And watch the sky for rain
There is more
More than all this pain
More than all the falling down
And the getting up again
There is more
More than we can see
From our tiny vantage point
In this vast eternity
There is more
A thing resounds when it rings true
Ringing all the bells inside of you
Like a golden sky on a summer eve
Your heart is tugging at your sleeve
And you cannot say why
There must be more
There is more
More than we can stand
Standing in the glory
Of a love that never ends
There is more
More than we can guess
More and more, forever more
And not a second less
There is more than what the naked eye can see
Clothing all our days with mystery
Watching over everything
Wilder than our wildest dreams
Could ever dream to be
There is more
*~*~*~*~*~*
in loving memory of Dr. Clyde Cook, who passed away on friday, April 11, 2008
in loving memory of Warren Sellers, who took his own life, April 28, 2005
in loving memory of beginnings that have come to an end, of innocence that has been lost, of relationships that have been broken, of the Garden ere the coming of the Fall...
in reluctant recognition of the transience of our existence,
in reluctant recognition of the seasonal nature of life, that winter will eventually follow spring
in reluctant recognition of the necessity of change, the goodness of growth, the inevitability of death, and of the ubiquity of Fallenness until the day when all shall be made well...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In loving memory of all that has come before, was good, and did not endure,
Like a golden sky on a summer eve
in reluctant recognition that much more of the same is yet to come
All our lives we till the ground
Until we lay our sorrows down
and in determined declaration of the Hope that tells us there is more
More than than we can see
In this vast eternity
There is more
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| May I have your attention, please?I'm not usually one to crave attention, but
this whole grieving process for my friend...who jumped off a building three years ago for God-only-knows-what-reason... is a lonely road. And SO,
i am desperate enough to ask for help,
for support,
for any kind of encouraging note
or an extra hug that you can or would be willing to send my way. Please.
i hate having to ask for it, especially like this- online and impersonally- but sorrow pulls me inward, it causes me to be withdrawn and uncommunicative when i need most to speak up. so i haven't gotten up the guts to tell very many people (in person) what's going on with me.
no one else here knew Warren except Sarah and it makes her uncomfortable to talk about it. other people i've told so far (and there have been some) have looked sad and sympathetic but also almost afraid. there's a dam of deep, potent emotions that i try to keep in check when i talk to people...about what happened three years ago... but when it starts to break, i think it genuinely alarms some people. which is understandable, it alarms me, for sure!
i don't know how to handle it but i don't want to dump it on people who haven't consented to that sort of fire hose experience, and who look nervous that i'll start crying in earnest and then they just won't know what to do with me. so i try not to 'lose it' around people,
but yesterday evening, as i sat down and wrote my RC an email (responding to his request for prayer requests), i set the tears free, as i sat alone in my apartment on the couch. even then i didn't give myself full reign. i...i think i'm afraid of losing control, even for a little while; if i start crying, how do i know when i'll be able to stop? i don't. it's frighteningly unpredictable. also, i don't feel like i can afford to take the time. plus, i was nervous that someone would walk in or hear my sobs through the wall.
friends, i don't know how to ask for help with all this in person, not really. i apologize for that and i'll try to do better (and there are some of you that i've talked to at least fleetingly about this already). i just don't know how to bring up the subject when it feels like it's such a heavy weight to drop on people without warning.
but I need people. i need you, my friends. i need your support, kind words, and i even need a few- just a few- people who would be willing to drink from the fire hose and perhaps let me sob on their shoulder (if i can let myself do so much). The frustrating thing is that so many of us, especially 'Lobby Crew' people, seem to be going through tough times right now and dealing with a lot that causes us to send emails to our friends and reach out for their support. It's a familiar plea by now, and I was so willing to lend that support, and-
now i feel the powers of supporting others slipping away a bit as i reach out for the very same thing- support. i wish I wasn't (unintentionally) timing all of this at the same time as so many of you who are hurting as well. Know that i'm still praying for you and i wish i could do more.
so all that to say, here is my plea for your support. i may not let myself show signs of it much outwardly, but I am grieving this month and just trying to get through each day and not get behind on everything in my classes and not break down in any of my classes either.
I want to go on a holiday, a very long holiday. but i'll have to wait till graduation is over to really take a break. In the meantime, please keep me in your prayers, and comment on this post. Thank you, friends!
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