morguedepths's Xanga Site

-Erm...Fucking Moo.-

morguedepths

Country: United States
State: Iowa
Birthday: 3/6/1988
Gender: Female

Interests: reading, writing, drawing, listening to music, sleeping, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Friends, confusing the shit out of you.
Expertise: music, Korn, Philosophy, etc.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other

Message: message me
Website: visit my website

Member Since: 12/6/2003

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Posting Calendar

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

	i am alive and well. thought i'd let ya know.
	5:04 PM - 8 eprops - 7 comments - email it

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

	i feel better now. she never told Brice and he's got a heads-up
	7:39 PM - 12 eprops - 8 comments - email it

Thursday, January 01, 2004

yeah, i haven't updated lately so i'm doing so now.

i'll go into more detail later.

happy fucking new year.

1:10 PM - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it

Sunday, December 07, 2003

I ripped all of your

12/7/2003

pictures off the wall.

friday night i got upset. i don't know what happened. maybe i looked at her picture too long, maybe i thought too much of her. but after i recovered, i tore down all of her pictures, and all of Kuba's. All of Kuba's pictures were torn and burned. too many memories.

It really was nice seeing Josh. i like finding people that make me smile. i should call him. i just don't know what to say.

_mona

7:49 PM - 4 eprops - 4 comments - email it

Saturday, December 06, 2003

i bet you wish you ^never

12/4/2003

woke up and saw my face... i've felt that way a few times about Racheal. My feelings mix between opposite boundaries, wishing i'd been pleasant to her longer than a year, wishing i never was at all. Wanting to see her so badly, and breaking every time i see her picture. it's so odd that this happened this way. a year ago i was well-equipped to handle her loss, waiting for it, ready for it. but she was doing better with her chemo, she was getting better. And then Lance tried to kill himself. he spent a month in the psych ward and disappeared immediately after his discharge. that was three months ago. no one's heard him. i know she waited for him. silent BOOM it's amazing how two little words can hurt someone so badly. i sat in the graphic art room, talking to Sam, Scott's ex girlfriend, and then, simple enough, she said "Racheal's dead." Racheal's dead... ..dead it's so wierd to hear it, to see it, to speak it. Scott was in complete shock about it. he barely spoke. i could hardly bring myself to say anything to him. but when he saw me walk into the art room, i know he knew that i'd found out. all i could do was hug him and say i was sorry, walking away crying as the words were beaten into my head over and over again. I sat with him and his friends at lunch, and eventually it whittled down to me and him, him completely forgetting to eat anything, me not wanting to, both of us knowing the other should. instead, we spoke momentarily of racheal scott:who told you? me:sam...how about you? scott: Gwen [Racheal's girlfriend] me: how's Gwen handling it? it's she okay? (he shakes his head) me:heard anything from Lance? Scott:no... and so it went. i remember when i first saw her. i thought her so beautiful. i got nervous when i talked to her because of such a crush as i had. She would tell me everything, confide in me her fears of dying, because she thought she was so close to it. I was in shock on the day i found out she'd tried to cut her face away from herself, leaving a scar from just above her brow bone along the side of her face. she was still beautiful though. still the same Racheal. i just talked to her on thanksgiving. she checked on Scott, told me she hadn't heard from Lance. Up until a mere few hours ago, i was waiting for the next time to talk with her. Never again. i need to get out to Ohio for her funeral now... ~~mona~~

6:11 PM - 4 eprops - 4 comments - email it