Good-bye

  I think I'm done with Xanga.  Not because it isn't cool enough for me and I've moved on to a bigger and better blog site, but because I'm realizing how much it's hindered me.  I started this as an easy way to update friends on what's happening with my life.  It served that purpose all through high school... but at the same time it really held me back.  I'd write events up here but not feelings... and since I wrote the events on here I wasn't great about keeping a private journal.  A lot of the feelings from high school are lost to me because of that.  The times I would write my emotions on here, it only served to start problems.  So I've decided that in order to rid myself of the temptation to write events up here without emotions, I'm not going to use this anymore.  I'm not going to delete this though because it is my only way of remembering some things from high school, but I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I don't want others seeing what's happening and how I feel about that.  Besides... I've decided that I need to stop relying so much on the internet to keep people posted on my life.  I don't want to be one of those parents who is always on their xanga, myspace, or still has a facebook telling everyone about their life.  I want to have my thoughts and feelings in journals which I can pass down through generations. 

  So good-bye Xanga.  You've served me well... after 3 1/2 years of partnership I need to break it off.  It's not you... it's me. 

P.S.~  I just want to  make sure that people know that just because they have one I DON'T think they're horrible.  For some people it works... for me it doesn't.

Tagged

1. Are your parents married or divorced? married

2. Are you a vegetarian?  Nope... I like Mexican and Italian and meatlovers pizza too much!!

3. Do you believe in Heaven? absolutely

4. Have you ever come close to dying? umm... I don't think so...

5. What jewelery do you wear 24/7? well I wear my CTR ring every day, but not 24/7

6. Favorite time of day? shower time... it's my absolute favorite time!!

7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? yes

8. Do you wear makeup? yeah... usually just mascara and lipgloss though

9. Ever have plastic surgery? No

11. What do you wear to bed?  uhh... pajamas...

12. Have you ever done anything illegal? speeding, jaywalking, being out past city curfew...  i don't do it anymore, though.

13. Can you roll your tongue? yup!

14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows?  yes

15. What kind of sneakers? whatever looks cute... I don't really wear sneakers much...

16.Do you believe in Abortions? i believe in abortions if the mother's life is in danger, and if she's been raped.  that's about it... hooray for abstinence and adoption and responsibility!

17. What is your Hair color? blonde... yes I am still blonde... it's just very dark right now!

18. Future child’s name? no clue!!!  I like so many names, but I don't know anything definite!

19. Do you snore? i don't think so

20. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Fiji!!  or Western Europe since Fiji is in a bit of a delicate situation right now...

21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yeah... I like to have something to hug okay!!

22. If you won the lottery, what would you do first? tithing (assuming the church would let me) pay for college, go on a cruise with all my friends!

23. Gold or silver? silver, or white gold.  i really don't like yellow gold.

24. Hamburger or hot dog? hamburgers!!

25. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? pasta... there are so many different things you can do with it!

26. City, beach or country? city or beach... the country is way to slow for me!

27. What was the last thing you touched?  my keyboard

28. Where did you eat last? a grilled cheese sandwhich with monterray jack and crushed red pepper in it

29. When’s the last time you cried? a couple weeks ago

30. Do you read blogs? duh

32. Ever been involved with the police? i've been pulled over a couple times...

33. What’s your favourite shampoo conditioner and soap?  i really like white rain... but pretty much anything that smells good works for me!

34. Do you talk in your sleep? I don't think so...

35. Ocean or pool? ocean

38. Window seat or aisle? window

39. Ever met anyone famous? uhh... no

40. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life? so far... yes... I've gotten to travel some, I'm at my dream school, there are very few things I would re-do...

41. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl

42. Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey? Oprah all the way!!

43. Basketball or Football? football

44. How long do your showers last? 15-20 minutes, unless i'm really enjoying it.

45. Automatic or do you drive a stick? Automatic. 

46. Cake or ice cream? hmm... I dunno...

47. Are you self-conscious?  not really

48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up? I've come close to drinking so much water I threw up... but in the alcoholic sense... no

49. Have you ever given money to a beggar?  no

50. Have you been in love? Yes.

51. Where do you wish you were?  somewhere really really warm!!  like a cruise ship

52. Are you wearing socks? yup

53. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? yeah... but i was barely one so I don't remember it

54. Can you tango? i wish.  someday....

55. Last gift you received? my grandma took me and my cousin shopping and then told us not to pay her back... so I guess my sweater i bought that day...

56. Last sport you played? raquetball

57. Things you spend a lot of money on? tuition, food, clothes

58. Where do you live? Provo, Ut

59. Where were you born? Provo, UT (I promise I haven't lived here my whole life!!)

60. Last wedding attended? my cousin Rachel's

63. Most hated food(s)? anything with tomato sauce... except pizza

65. Can you sing? yes

66. Last person you instant messaged? i don't really IM much anymore...

67. Last place you went on holiday?  uhh... wichita??

69. Current Song? There isn't any music playing right now...

70. Tag 3 friends: well brianon already did this... and cuyler probably will sometime soon... and they're the only people who would do it... so I dunno...

  Okay...so I am really lost on the whole apartment issue.  I love my roommates and want to stay with them next year, but they keep looking at places that are out of my price range.  They're all recieving some sort of financial support from someone, while I'm not.  Sure my parents have said that they would help out, but there's a lot of other things down the road that I'm going to need help with like grad school, a mission, or study abroad just to name a few.  So they're all willing to look at places that are more expensive.  They say "oh, it's just another $30 from the other places" but it's not!  It's another $30 a month!!  That turns into $240 a year (for just the Fall/Winter semesters).  Enough for an airplane ticket home every year.  And that's a lot!!  To someone who is completely on their own... that's a lot of money.  That's books... or being able to almost pay for one more class thru Independent Study during the summer... or getting that much closer to being able to go to London to study abroad.  They all want to live somewhere that looks really nice, both on the inside and the outside.  I don't care about what the complex looks like.  I like Park Place, but everyone else tends to shy away from it because it looks gross on the outside, but the actual apartments are some of the nicest I've seen. 

  I'm starting to think that I might/probably will end up just signing a contract somewhere on my own where I can afford to live.  It's college people... we don't have to live in our dream apartment... the place you live in college hopefully isn't anything like where you want to live once you're out of college.  And I think people tend to forget that.  I want a nice house in a beautiful city and neighborhood just as much as the next person.  What I don't want is worrying about how I'm going to pay for college and the experiences I want to have while I'm there because I'm spending all my money on housing.

Wedding Fever

  There are some things that just catch... and wedding fever is one of them.  I'm sure you know what I'm talking about Brianon.  That feeling when everyone else is planning a wedding and you're like "oh... I wish I was too!!"  Well... It doesn't only happen then... but that's when  you're particularly susceptible.  Especially when you  have a roommate who is also feeling somewhat the same and you talk for 20 minutes about how perfect your family is going to be once you have your own. 

  I see Bonnie and Elizabeth talking and thinking about getting married and I get jealous.  They'll probably be actually shopping together... and I'll be there to help pick stuff out.  I wish it was the three of us shopping together for stuff for our individual weddings... and the three of us going to get our endowments (maybe not together but at the same time)... and the three of us sitting in the sealing room at each other's weddings.  I want to love someone so much that I know I want to spend the rest of my life with them.  I want to feel utterly and completely happy when I'm with someone and not freaking out about all the little things.  I don't want there to be what-ifs in how we get together.  I just want us to be together and not worry about it past that. 

  At the same time though... I can't imagine not living with my roommates anymore.  And as much as I want Bonnie and Elizabeth there in the temple with me, I want my roommates there too.  They've become my best friends and support system.  They've been there for me in a lot of tough times.  I love living with them and spending time with them! 

  No matter how this whole wedding fever thing goes, my list of qualities in a guy are changing a lot I've noticed.  I'm less intrigued by the popular, jocky, player types.  I think that the calmer, quieter, more serious looking guys look way hotter.  I think that's part of growing up.  I don't want to marry the type of guy I've dated up to this point.  I don't want someone who asks for my number the first time we meet because who knows how many other girls he's getting the numbers for.  I don't want someone who is so hot that all the girls want him.  I want someone who I can adore and love to look at, but I don't have to worry about girls seducing him.  I want and need someone organized who will help me stay on track.  I want someone who when I'm with him I don't feel super giddy all the time, I just feel like my heart and soul are whole.  I want someone who is my best friend who I can talk to about anything because if we're going to be married, we need to be able to do that. 

  So yeah... that's what's been occupying my thoughts a LOT lately.  And I don't know how I feel about it.  I know how my parents feel though.  They're freakin out!

  I'm pretty sure I love my classes right now.  I dropped Spanish... my desire for a higher GPA killed my desire to be challenged.  Besides... I'm thinking about starting over on a new totally obscure language.  Like Tagalog or Hebrew or Russian or click... but I'm pretty sure I can't learn that at BYU.  Or some really amazing Indian dialect... and when I say Indian I mean like... from India... not Native American.

  So yeah... now I'm in physical science.  AKA  The easiest class known to man.  AKA... amazing.  The professor is hilarious!!  So now I have Fundamentals of Literary Criticism (where we're using the same anthology we used in AP Lit!!!  And there's cool poems like "Recovery of Sexual Desire After a Bad Cold"... which I've been making all my roommates read out loud), Introduction to the English Language (which is the most amazing class ever!!!  I recommend that everyone take it!!), American Heritage (which I don't think is going to be as bad as everyone says it is... my professor likes to show movie clips!!!), and Book of Mormon (which I guess will be ok... I liked Brother Swift better).  Basically... I'm going to own this semester!!!  YAY!!

  In other news... I love my job.  I get to work with some really amazing people.  And I don't have to deal with students for the most part... and there's like... no stress!!  Plus whenever there are seminars... I get the extra food.  And it's ALWAYS good food!!  I love my life! 

  umm... in other news.  I hate Provo.  It's been down in the negetive degrees for the past two weeks... and I can't wear sweatshirts because of work!!  EEKKKK!!  I finally gave in and bought some ugg-esque boots because they're the only snowboots that will look decent at work.  I can't wait for grad school and life after college when I will be happily settled in Southern California or Arizona!!