| Many times in my life I was asked who my heroes were in my life, what people inspired me, and which people have touched me so deep. I've been asked this every where from a PSAT essay question all the way to Myspace. So today I was thinking, who are my heroes. And I made a list:
My "heroes!":
1. Cheers to Mr Buffet Man!: My first hero (going in no order) would have to be the man that thought of the "all-you-can-eat-buffet"! Most of the time you go in and you pay before hand. This is genius cause you don't have this mystery bill that haunts you, there are no hidden fee's you just pay this nice fee and you're free to adventure into this safari of already cooked game (food). The beauty is that you can get all that you want, (hence the name "all-you-can-eat-buffet)! So you go up and you eat more and more till finally you think to yourself wow that's enough! I can't eat any more! I'm stuffed!!! Then suddenly unsuspectingly your one friend looks around and says "Wow they have ice cream and desserts! I'm going to get some ice cream on top of what ever cool pies they have" ICE CREAM! PIE!! CRISCO LARD TO FILL MY ARTERIES!!!! your mind screams and you run up and get it completely forgetting that you were stuffed a second ago. When you go get this ice cream or dessert or all the desserts up there you cover it with the toppings, cause its all you can eat, its free its happy and its complete bliss. Then you eat this ice cream and you smile cause you feel complete. There isn't an empty spot in your body any more. Its filled to the max, your belly button is popping out and you your stomach is hard as a rock. So you leave and you think to your self, OH DARN I HAVE TO LEAVE A TIP!!!! You start feeling regret cause you hate tips you think that this is the catch, so you look at your receipt and on the bottom it says "no tips please!" Then that is the final moment of glory felling like you just won the lottery. That's when you roll out to your car and say to every one "I'm stuffed, I'm never eating that much again!" but you will cause you know you'll be back there one day and you're going to eat even more cause you'll starve yourself for a week just to eat as much as you can.
2. You're # 1 The Underdogs: These guys I hold dear to my heart. No matter what in any sporting event or almost any event at all, there is that one guy or team that shouldn't be there. You look at them at first and you feel bad for them like how you feel bad for a orphaned child cause you know they are about to be slaughtered by that behemoth monster team. Yet you watch this game, even though the chances are slim to none, you don't route for them though cause well they are the underdogs, you don't route for the underdogs. That's why they are under, if they were routed for they would be the on top dogs, or the humans but we don't want that. Then suddenly the big awesome team that was suppose to go all the way, sucks completely. You watch in amazement, you even start crying and cursing at the TV. Then final score comes up and the Underdog wins. Then the next game comes, and you route for the underdog like they were your home team. You listen to the radio and everything else where you suddenly get educated about them. You know all their plays and you think they are the best team ever. Then finally its game again. You route for them again, when they are playing that next Behemoth Team. You think "yeah they can take them!" but they lose. That is the moment I love! Underdogs thank you for breaking the millions of hearts, and for taking advantage of our emotions! Plus, we all know you suck and the only reason you go further is cause you take advantage of the ego of the big teams!
3. Seinfeld: I'm talking about the show. Yes the show is my hero it touched me deeply. I'm going to tell you why! Cause that shows plot lines were about "nothing". They even admitted it on the episode where Jerry Seinfeld and George Costanza are trying to make a show about nothing. There is no other show that could be about nothing and be so great. Of course there is family guy, but still that's a cartoon and cartoons with plots suck (except for old Disney). I'm talking about live action every day crap that happens to us made into a show. One day I bet there will be a transition where all the scholars are going to stop saying Shakespeare quotes and start saying stuff from Seinfeld. I know it, its already happening! Look at Spring-ford Economics Teacher Mr. Rhineheimer (sp?)! Further more even though the show is about nothing, it teaches us a lesson and opens our eyes to the simple things in life. Like how much a check at a restaurant sucks or the ladies at nail places talk about you in Korean.
4. Don't die on me slow old man: Every once in a while you'll be at a groceries store, or some random place and there is an old man walking step after step. Of course most of you look at him and dismiss him cause it's just an every day part of life. I don't! I look at him and I feel sympathy. I start crying I feel embarrassed I then go home get a big thing of Ice cream and I go home and watch the Note Book. Why the Note Book? Cause it gets the tears out and it does involve old people. Why do I consider this old man my hero though you ask? I'll tell you cause I'm a nice guy. Cause this old man is not in a hurry, but he does have a place to go and he's going to get there. I mean it! If you ask him if he wants help he'll hit you with his cane right in the groin and say "NO!!!" You'll get up and be like Damn. He doesn't want to be messed with! He doesn't. He's old he has experience. Plus he knows the only reason you want to help him is because it pisses you off that he's going so slow. He's a man with a mission. Not to mention even though he's old, he'll most likely out live us. He looks at us and thinks "stupid kids!" even though you may be thirty. Why do you think he's walking? Cause he's keeping in shape that's why! He's got it right! So This ones for you old man "HAZZAAH!!!"
5. Mel Gibson: Oh no did I say the bad name? I DID! OH MY! This one I was debating about putting down, because he made all those remarks about Jews and such. Though I then realized that I didn't care about him personally. In fact he could go out punch a cop, bite the president, and pee on mount Rushmore. I'd still watch his movies. Though the reason he is my hero is because of the movie What Women Want. Yes a chick flick, that's why he's my hero. What other man could have played that roll? None, we would have called them gay! Though Mel Gibson we didn't think he was gay, nope, didn't even cross our mind because he was in the movie Brave Heart. How can he be gay if he had his intestines pulled out as he screamed FREEEEDDOOOOMM!!! SO there you go that's my reason and I'm sticking too it!
6. The Toll boothers: Every time you go through that toll both and there is that man or lady that you hand your money, that toll booth person has a short five second conversation with you. Usually its about anything, about your day, their day, politics, even N' Sync. What you don't know is that conversation is held out for their whole twelve hour shift. You think that this conversation is just between you and them, but its not! Its with every person on that special road that you have to pay to be on that went through there booth. The next reason they are my hero is because of their bladder control. I don't know where they go, but I believe they don't. If they do go, that's extra props cause its probably in a bottle under their counter. Little do you know that Mr. Tollbooth man has his pee going into a bottle as you speak and hand him that three dollars to enter into Pennsylvania from New Jersey. They are true heroes.
7. Brad Pitt: Jennifer Anniston and Angelina Joli (need I say more)
8. Vince Vaughn: Jennifer Anniston... cause she's a wonderful actor of course
9. Shirt folders: I don't know how when you get a shirt back from a dry cleaner, or when you buy a shirt a place it is folded so perfectly. Its like an origami of a shirt. You stare it as if its piece of art and you don't want to ruin your shirt. Then when you do unfold it, its like unwrapping a present. You don't know what's inside of the mystery gift, and its not Christmas so it can't be clothes. Yet when its done being unfolded you look at it, even though its a shirt, as if its the best gift you ever got and you know that you're going to look super sexy in this shirt that you just unfolded. You put on this shirt and you feel as if you could take on the world, but then you look up at the clock realizing you're late and you sprint out side to your car. That moment your neighbors all stare at you and you're like "what?" and you look down and you realize that you forgot to put on pants, and your chili pepper underwear is being shown to the world. So for folding that shirt perfectly and making it seem like the best gift ever. I LOVE YOU SHIRT FOLDER!
10. John Kruk: If you don't know who he is you're missing out. He's probably the best baseball player that ever lived. Even though he's not the Babe Ruth or Roy Hobbs, he's better. This man's reputation is beyond Divine it super ultimate suprimo! Here is a small exert from a John Kruk Fan Club:
"On his third pass, it happened -- a full cup of soda came rifling down and hit him in the chest. The crowd cheered. Security began to make its way up to the section and everybody turned around to see who the culprit was. When security began walking the man down the stairs, the cheers became louder and when I finally got a view of the man, it was obvious he was not just your average drunk, pot-bellied animal that lived in the 700 level. Or was he? It turned out that the soda-thrower was former Phillie-cum-ESPN analyst John Kruk, wearing an awful gray sweatshirt and completely feeling right at home with the maniacs. As he was escorted out of the section, he made presidential waves to the rest of the fans -- which was now giving him a full-on standing ovation -- and security seemed to let him ham it up a bit because they knew who he was as well. If anybody questions why Philly was so in love with the '93 Phillies team -- and the Eagles, for that matter - well that could pretty much sum it up right then and there."
I believe that says it all. Not to mention that he at one time sold the number on his jersey to another baseball player for a pack of beer.
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