-Frustrated Friend with Benefits

F.F.W.B., you don't fool Mr Ramen. You tell him that you're OK with the current arrangement and this gentleman's companionship is important to you because he's your Friend. That's a crock of slightly spoiled jam, F.F.W.B. You want this beau to come to his senses and declare his undying love for you so you can go about the business of being Happy Ever After. You're each using each other and are afraid of what to do next. If you want a f***buddy, keep seeing this guy. If you want to be an adult and have a relationship, dump him WITHOUT benefits.

- Mr Ramen

Dear Mr Ramen,
I am in a dilemma, Is there a good way to dump the girlfriend and get the best friend with out gun shot wounds or stabbings? Other interesting circumstances are: We as a group have had a Threesome before so does that help or hinder my mission. Inquisitively,
The Guy with too many girls

Dear T.G.W.T.M.G.,
Are you kidding me with this crap? The only thing that will help your mission is if one or both of these damsels is as dumb as a bag of hair. Good luck.

Dear Mr Ramen,
I am an in-closet bisexual. I just checked into this new apartment building and this other man started showing an interest in me (or I think he did). We are really great friends and I don't want to ask if he wants to hook up if he isn't interested.
I've just been picking up on these things like a slight brush on my arms and back every once in a while. He seems really uncomfortable around porn too. We were playing games online and a straight porn ad popped up. He flipped it off very fast. I just don't know what to do. I have never been with a man before.
- Ready To Be Picked

Dear R.T.B.P.,
Mr Ramen has great news for you! The answer to your dilemma is actually really EASY! OK, just kidding. Mr Ramen knows that you would never expect an easy answer from him, so here goes.
Even though you're just discovering this budding new attraction to your own gender, that doesn't mean that you don't have some inkling of that most wonderful of gay traits?gay-dar. Basically, R.T.B.P., if you think this gentleman is flirting with you, there is a pretty good chance that he is! So, that's the easy part! Here's the hard part:
He may be unsure of your attraction, or he may not be sure of his own, or even worse…he may be the elusive and treacherous Equal Opportunity Flirt. Beware if this is the case, R.T.B.P. because the Equal Opportunity Flirt makes both men and women want him, and often wants nothing more than that from EITHER of them.
There is no easy way here, R.T.B.P., so here's my recommendation. It will take much subtlety, but you need to make some overtly flirty gesture that will not be mistaken if he IS interested, but can be laughed off if he isn't.
By the way, R.T.B.P., I have two random observations: for a newbie to bisexual land, the term "hook up" rolls off your keyboard pretty easily. Hmmm…what's that about? Secondly, Mr Ramen knows NO gay men who are creeped out by straight porn, so don't rely on that test. Good luck and Happy Pride, R.T.B.P.

- Mr Ramen

A thought about the simple things:

coming back soon ....

*send some new questions  =)

Happy Easter !!

Dear Mr Ramen,

Please, please help this heartsick girl. Here's the skinny: I met a guy in November on the Internet and went out on 4 dates with him over a period of 3-4 weeks or so. There was no physical contact during that time beyond hugging goodnight, though we hit it off.

On the fifth date, right before Christmas, he told me he was attracted to me but not ready for a relationship as he was recovering from a 2-year relationship that ended 4 months earlier. We talked about personal stuff for an hour or more then ended up having sex. He didn't call for two days, so I called him, asked him how he felt about stuff, and he said his position on the no-relationship hadn't changed. I told him that I couldn't deal with the friends plus sex thing and we'd just have to be friends.

So, I went away for 2 wks for Christmas, came back, we hung out twice as friends and got along famously. (Let me interject here: I'm in my late 20's and have dated lots of people, and this guy and I are incredibly compatible) The third time we hung out we ended up going to his place, drinking wine, talking for hours and hours about deeply personal things, and having sex.

He didn't call at all afterwards, and five days later went on a six-day vacation. He sent me a short, light email the day after he returned, to which I responded in a short, light manner, and then didn't hear from him for a week. Then I sent out a mass email last Friday, to which he responded with exactly four words on Monday. I haven't responded.

My question is: what the hell is going on? If I were looking at this from the outside I'd say it's clear he's not interested...but it's hard to accept b/c we get along so damn well and are so damn compatible. My theory is he's not over his ex-girlfriend yet and was hurt by her (she basically left him, though he now says he thinks it was a good thing) and so is afraid to get into something again.

Then again, I could just be completely wrong about whether he likes me. Maybe the whole thing has been just for sex all along. What do you think? I am driving myself nuts thinking about this and feeling generally pathetic. I've actually started dating someone else but can't stop thinking about this other guy.

Sign me, ARGH

Dear ARGH,

Mr Ramen has sifted through your tragic (and long) story and come out with what appears to be your actual question: "What The Hell is Going On?" Well, Mr Ramen is pretty clear he knows what the hell is going on, ARGH.

Before he shares “The Answer?however, Mr Ramen. has to ask you to take off your "wounded-puppy glasses". Like rose-colored glasses, wounded-puppy glasses cause you to see the world in an altered fashion. Instead of seeing the non-committal, opportunistic, guy in front of you, you're seeing this poor damaged girlfriend-ruined-him-for-all-others sad, wounded puppy. If he's that damaged, he should seek therapy.

ARGH, any relationship requires that TWO (or more, for that matter) people decide to play together. Otherwise it's just stalking. So far, you've decided that you want to be with this man, but he hasn't decided that he wants to be with you. Stop making it so easy for him to be non-committal and still get his card punched (Mr Ramen is pretty sure you catch his drift). In summary, What The Hell is Going On, ARGH? You're being a doormat.

Leave him at the door.

- Mr Ramen

Mantra of the Day

Don't sweat the petty stuff - Don't pet the sweaty stuff...

Note:

Mr Ramen is back - slowly getting back to everyone's questions. Patience - all answers will be posted soon