mstar2007
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Country: United States
State: Georgia
Birthday: 8/29/1985
Gender: Female


Interests: drawing, singing, trying to play piano and trombone(notice i said try), walking, skating, reading, watching movies, shopping(well window shopping since i have no money), listening to music especially music by linkin park, system of a down, red hot chili peppers, metallica, love rap and hip hop also and some r&b
Expertise: being lazy yet academic and musically inclined
Occupation: Student


Message: message me


Member Since: 5/19/2003

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

hey today  I completed a major task and went through one day without judging anyone nor myself lol...one down a lifetime to go

John 5:22-24 For the Father judges no one, but has committed all judgment to the Son, that all should honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him.  "Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life.


Monday, February 19, 2007

The Devil is Back

ok so its been a long while since Ive written in this thing...and my life has been completely bonkers with my mind going along on the ride...Ive upset alot of people in my life, broke off people from my life, wish I could amend some..but oh well I am more mature and stronger through all the drama..

 

I think I am writing in this journal again because this xanga has truly been my only "friend" no matter what BS goes on in my life. It is the one thing that doesnt doubt me, question me, make me feel unworthy, judge me, its just a blank slate that absorbs what I give it and accepts me. It accepts me no matter how open I am and I think I began to mess up in my life when I tried to close myself up just so I could please people. But that is not me...i am a "truth-speaker" as some old psychic lady told me(long story)...for me to not voice my opinions, for me not to express my quirky individualism is to inprison me in an emotional prison of misery. Therefore I have decided instead of having this public journal be edited to not piss off people like I did before...I will no longer hide my feelings and let it air out for the world...be they music lyrics, poetry, various musings...no matter how bad I may think they are or how a certain person may judge me, they shall be aired.....

 

I have some things to get off my chest in the coming months, but for right now, im content I took the first step with my precious xanga and vented to it so now it can dust off its virtual cobwebs and take my unadulturated words to heart....

this may sound corny but to cap things off gotta put down 10 things I love about me, and why other people SHOULD love me, and if they don't...it's simply their loss...You see I am a "Lover"...I exist to please other people, I exist to see people laugh and smile but yet I dont take out time to make my own self happy...heck sometimes I get mental beatdowns from people and later blame myself as If im the person who did something wrong....this is my senior year in college, and frankly its about time I start at least attempting a little love towards myself...I actually hate doing this because I honestly think it's Gay...but oh well such is the work I must put up with to find myself and learn to heart me

10 reasons why I should love myself, and never let anyone...any mere HUMAN bring me Down

1) I am beautiful

2) I am classy and mysterious

3) I am quirky and Unique

4) I am intelligent and crafty

5) I am gracious towards those gracious towards me

6) I am strong, Assertive, and work EXTREMELY hard for what I want and dream for

7) I am passionate about everything in Life especially Music

8) I am on a constant search for self without needing others to define who I am

9) I need no biological father for the Lord/Jesus are all the fathers I need...so fuck you sperm donor dad!

10) I am a shining star, a diamond in the rough, now is the time to glow...yet noone else thinks so...therefore warrior African Princess that I am...I must be my own support, and not just only be the supporting system for others

 

i will also try to post a pic of things that inspire me, or show how I feel during the time I write916da07d07

I am Vanity: A strong woman with a complete sense of self, she is alluring and powerful and needs no man to verify her "sexy"...She is a bad girl simply due to the fact she willingly expresses her opinions that do not conform to what society's view of a woman is......she is Vanity, a woman divine and a Diva Queen *two snaps and a twist*


Saturday, August 26, 2006

so oprah was freaky as hell last week...

topic: girls issues with their physical appearance

they even had like a 4 year old worrying about her weight and a 3 year old having tantrums if her hair wasnt "perfect"...and a teen model who looked GORGEOUS having issues with her whole entire self...

 

the epiphany of the show...if you are a mother, have personal issues, it will manifest itself with your daughter while she is in the womb in an EXTREME fashion

FREAKY HUH?

so the mother of the 4 year old had past issues with anorexia, the mother of the 3 year old had issues with her facial appearance, and the mother of the model had issues with everything about herself...

 

sooo i basically looked at my mother...and why I have some of the issues I do...and yes it's true...her issues with herself passed down onto me in a very extreme fashion...case in point

I dont like people touching my face....if you touch my face seriously i feel just icky or sick, i dont like people looking at my face because I will quickly turn away, i don't even like people looking me in the eye because I feel they are focusing on the ugliness of my face...my mother has always had issues with her face due to acne...my face isnt as bad as hers was back in the day but my self esteem issues about that part of my body is overblown...like i remember crying when I was little when someone attempted to touch my cheek..my mother has had issues with her stomach, therefore with me even though people say my stomach is flat i still feel my stomach looks gigantic, especially on some days i just feel "blah"...these are the only two issues my mother has with her body and for some reason it traveled unto me even though people say I look fine...my mother is currently over her whole "i have acne thing" and now has issues with her weight which didnt affect her when she was pregnant with me but it did with my sister...and I can already see my sister concerned with her own weight or picking at fat people...my mother also used to have long hair with me so Ive always been confident about my hair, but while pregnant with my sister she had hair issues since she decided to cut it all off, from how long it was to how straight it was...and my sister...she even said my hair was "too nappy" or her hair was "ugly"...or when she had it pressed out after her braids were undone she would be so happy and joyful...this is a damn 6 year old??....so I gotta work on myself...just for the health of my future babies...I don't want to have girls/boys and them being as screwed up as I am...feel me?

Thanks Oprah!


Thursday, August 17, 2006

something about my life is different

is it that, i FINALLY have found someone to love

which is myself?

 

about damn time...hooray

 

cause something aint right with SOME of you trifling ass black men....something just ain't right witcha...and note i said SOME

as my grandmomma used to say "yall are cutting the monkey"

on a serious tip...BLACK MEN WAKE THE FUCK UP

oh yeah...and leave these white hoes alone.......and these latina chicks....hell and these asian chicks....like damn do yall not realize there is a serious shortage of the good ones of yall...and yall running around sticking your willy wang in any and everything, and trying to talk to women you have nothing in common with besides the fact yall both like 50 cent?and she knows how to lean with it rock with it from some music video she saw on mtv yet she don't know a damn thing about who malcolm x is?......and that's all imma say on that matter....I'm not against interracial dating...it's just dont just be humping something, just to say "oooo i dated a chick for the exoticism of it, can I get a trophy?"....at least mentally connect with the chick is all im saying.....at least maybe have some common struggles yall can relate with....or she wants to learn about the culture besides the latest songs from BET....like DAMN.....that's like me dating some abercrombie and fitch surfer dude from beverly hills, and who some of yall men are breaking yall's necks for.....ugh

 


Thursday, July 13, 2006

Now you mention all these whores while sittin' in my presence

and it destroys my very spirit and you know that im stressin'

how do I become Tocarra or any girl who be dressin

like a top model diva and someone who you'd like to question

with "excuse me ,miss?", or "what's yo name?"

while im staying here stupid, kicked out from the game

I look like a lame, a face you wouldnt even frame

what have I truly become, have I just become too tame?

 

 

 

Chorus(2x)-(slowed down second time)
Why You wanna treat me with less respect

than a video whore that you've never met

while I'm sitting here crying

and trying

to fulfill your needs

 

Verse 2:

Now here I was speaking nicely

but I gotta speak my truth

cause

I might as well be a lesbian

and orgasm like a thespian

going "oochie wally wally"

when I'm Thinking "nigga you're low quality

If you were a bitch I would rape you

cause you're nothing but a glorified cunt

something the niggas all want to go quick through

ride the train, "choo choo" yeah I'm blunt

I'm sick of you niggas going stupid disrespecting

 us women like whores yet caking the whores youre electing, chorus?

Chorus X2

*Let's rewind cause I'll be Nice again

Verse 3

Now ,if "iiiiiiiii ruled the world"*STOP!

you wouldnt need to pick a woman 'round your finger to twirl

every man would choose a girl, like a diamond or pearl

keep the nice ones for display and use the bad ones to hurl

a nice exterior wont hide her true value nor her pension to hurt

nor her golddigging ,nor her skeletons, nor her piled up dirt

But something you will find when you measure her up

is not felt, not touched, not seen, just a dream

Chorus 4X

 



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