| Life is sucking the big one right now |
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| Awesome night!!! Twenty four hour quiet hours started tonight but guess what we did instead of studying. Febreeze warfare!! It was freaking awesome. Running though the halls trying to spray each other. Then we took the battle outside! It was SOOOOO Much FUUUUNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay off to take a shower because I smell really bad.   |
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| Sometimes I frustrate myself  |
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| I have such mixed feeling about coming home for the summer. I'm sure we all do we've had interesting, fun, exciting, life changing years and now were expected to go back to our old lives. But were all different and I guess that is what makes it so difficult and so worthwhile at the same time. I know this year, for me has been one of the most life changing. I've learned so much about myself and have become so much more of the person I am and am supposed to be. I'm not ready for it to end. I want to be a college freshman forever. I'm not ready to move on. Because once I finish finals and leave my dorm behind, my home for a year it means its really over. Everything I was so afraid and nervous for was unbellievably wonderful. I can't help thinking that while I'm a freshman I'm still safe. I'm still protected from the real world, after all I'm only a college freshman, but thinking of being a sophmore I feel vulnerable. I know its stupid... but when I'm a sophmore it means next year I'm a junior....and then a senior.... and then I'm alone on my own in the real, scary world....my life. I'm not ready I'm still figuring out myself and what I want with life. I'm still struggling with what will make me happy and what can really be. My whole life I've been a student and I've known what has been expected from me. There were requirements rules. If I failed or made a mistake it wasn't the end of the world... but now...very soon it will be my life I"m fucking up and I'm not ready for that responsibility. I'm not ready...I don't know if I'm on the right path... any way this is a bunch of rambling and probably doesn't make much sense but it was just my thought pattern  I love you all. All my friends who I'll get to see and spend time with this summer, who made highschool not suck and All of my friends who have been my family at school and made it so wonderful I'm gonna miss you more this summer then you know. I don't know what I would do without you all. I've truly been blessed with you all in my life  |
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