good. good. was it my smoothness? or also her interests. heheheh.

she's not that 'nice girl' nice of a girl. heheheh.

she's prettier, so. maybe if she doesn't disappear like thin air...

anyway, yeah. it doesn't matter how pretty a girl gets, her convenience level may vary. maybe she's not up for that kinda thing at all... and if she's pretty and intelligent enough, fine. just another friend to like, hang out with. and stuffs. maybe even watch tv shows. like 24. she's a neighbour. that's convenient.

well, if she's not intelligent enough... but pretty enough... fine... maybe hang out... make fun of her... and stuffs. but if she's pretty and not so intelligent, i wish she coulda been better suited for more... of those things. hmm.

either way, like she said, take a good care. there's a good convenient thing being neighbour and all... also more risk, though. hohohoho.

it's true Lord, even as bad as sickness as it was last night,

as I was still confident that it wouldn't take my life,

all I could was only sigh, and probably admit my own shame, if I were to see you, o Lord...

and I do not want you to weep for me or turn from me, for how much you've loved me, and how much I've disappointed You in return.

I'd hate to see anything but the welcoming smile of Your face O Lord

but if I must, I'd rather see you rebuke me, weep for me, or frown

all that, so long as you will hold on to me and not turn around so I can see is only Your back

as my heart throbbed, I could only regret that I haven't been the best I could have been

but I would take all the rods you'd throw at me, shatter me till both the rods and my bones break,

for as long as you do not let go of me, and I do not let go of You, o Lord

for there's still no worst fear that I have but to lose You

I could lose my eyesight and I would probably cry and my life would be shattered for a while,
but for as long as my blindness would remind me of Thy light,
I would cry in remembrance of Thine mercy

Lord, what better way for me to understand how You would want me to be other than for me to understand You, what's in Your heart, what's in Thy will?

That way, I could look at myself with Thine eyes, see the black spots that I have and work my way on removing them

But what you have given me is bountiful, it is enough, and more than I can ever ask myself

But if I could even ask for more and that You would supply me Lord, please supply me

I would rather be weak so that you'd strengthen me
I would rather be mute so that you'd speak to me
I would rather be deaf so that I could hear you
I would rather die so that I will live

With all honesty and sincerity,

All the same,

I'd rather be weak so people'd be strengthened
I'd rather be mute so you'd speak through me
I'd rather be deaf so people'd hear you
I'd rather be dead not for others Lord, but only for You

this life doesn't belong to anyone but You
but the second chief of this life would be me

and to me, Lord, You are the most important
second to that, I'm the most important

therefore I would not waste my life for others
but I will gladly give it to You, if You so will

Is this because I haven't learned of love, Lord?
Or have I been bitten so badly by it?

I don't think I've met the person whose life I'd dearly substitute for myself, Lord. How I long to meet such people... O Lord, that they'd be a window for me to see Thee more closely... How beautiful it would be, if I could understand more closely why Your love was so great you'd give it away for me, for personal reasons... not impersonal justice... sweet sorrow?