musicalangel2's Xanga

Monday, June 09, 2008

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 22:39:51 GMT

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

Being Me

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 10:43:31 GMT

"Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matt 11:29 (The Message)

"May you believe in God. But may you come to see that God believes in you. May you have faith in Jesus. But may you come to see that Jesus has faith that you can be like him. A person of love and compassion and truth. A person of forgiveness, and peace, and grace, and joy, and hope. And may you be covered in the dust of your rabbi, Jesus." - Rob Bell

Update!

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 09:28:07 GMT

So, I've been meaning to thank you, Kimmy for like a month now for all that you commented on! You're so amazing with your words, thank you!!!!!

So, it's been a month and a day for Will and I lol. I think I might just end my 1 month and 9 days relationship curse. I'm enjoying the summer. My stats class will be over on Thursday and my Dad is coming in a little over a week. That should be interesting; my Dad and my step mom in my territory.... I pray it's productive and that I become more at peace with it. Now's my chance to have a nice time, to show them the person I am becoming, even if they don't see it. Weds are going well, though today we have it off. I miss a ton of people though! I can't believe the summer is nearly over, I don't want to believe it! Maybe I just feel that way b/c it's a bit cooler here today. There's a Josh Ritter listening party tonight but I don't want to go by myself so I guess I'm not going. I would, I just don't want to take the T by myself in the dark, it's just not a good idea. Besides, the listening party is pretty much in a bar so I doubt I'd hear much anyway. Well, I'm gonna finish my take home exam and get some reading done. Peace out.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 15:20:09 GMT

And we're official as of oh, 2-3:00 am something on the 14th. Yay for those life guard chairs!! :)

About A Boy

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 11:30:08 GMT

So... hey. I feel like I don't do any writing anymore and I need to! I've learned so much in the past few months, but it feels like I've forgotten about some of it too. I guess specific dates are not needed, but those convos sure were important!!! So many Weds have gone by that I did not write down; online, in a song, in my journal. Oh well, hopefully I'll recall some of it and start jotting it down, even if I don't remember specific dates.

On to Will. Yeah, he's great. Of course, this is bringing up every fear I could imagine about the whole aspect of whatever this is, but I am trying to trust God. To trust God to take care of me if nothing comes of it. To trust God if my heart gets broken. To trust God if I (a long time off I know!) marry the kid. To trust God if I marry the kid and he leaves me. It's the trusting part that is hard. But I've been praying, he's been praying so, I need to just stay calm, don't turn into a girly-girl and uh... wait I guess. Well, learn but wait for him to open up more b/c he's introverted to the core. I am a borderline extravert/introvert. Much thanks to Alison for figuring this out for me. If I was writing a paper for class I'd cite her. I miss my friends a ton.

What else.... walking on the beach is amazing, as is green tea and uh hanging out with Will. Oh, and there is this silly little fact that I am going to see Hanson two days in a row next week. I am actually not that excited. I hope to become a bit more excited, but yeah... it's kind weird. I think Will is having an effect on me and I know God is doing some changing of my priorities so... things are going well.

I still miss you and Wednesdays, but you have to take care of you, which you are doing so you are being a good role model. "If goodbye never comes it'll be ok because I'll hold on to the memories we made." (Or something.) I am going to back and figure those out.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 13:45:44 GMT

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 13:39:56 GMT

Hello to the online world. This quarter is going to be crazy, but good as well. I just have a ton of stuff to do in less than a month. First up is researching feminest family therapy. Fun times.

Random thoughts:

I love: green tea, reconnecting with old friends, thinking of others, walking everywhere, being in the sun, receiving a pay check with more money on it, spending time with friends, playing guitar.

I need to increase my passion for things though. I was reminded of this a few Saturdays ago. There was one of those semi-annoying / insane people on the corner with a sign that said something with a bad word and the President. Now, I didn't even read the sign, just the bad word. But this guy was like what do you think about that. I am just like I don't care. He said what are you going to do to help the country, I said, very honestly, I am going to write them a song. He questioned me on that, that made me curious. I still do not know what his point was, but we had about a 20 min conversation about life and stuff. Sometimes he didn't know how to respond to me which made me happy. We weren't debating really, it just reminded of me of how passionate I can be. How I really do know what I believe a lot of the time when I stop and think about, which I have not done lately. This makes me sad. I miss those times of passion talking with Jamie, Ben, and Jim. I miss digging into therapetuic approaches instead of thinking oh that's nice, I'll memorize this therorists perspective for an exam. So, I want to reclaim my passion. Or at least try to. Not that it's something that can't be done. The sun shine, beach, and nice smiles somehow do help in all of this.

I miss you.

So much for that...

Sat, 26 May 2007 23:22:27 GMT

It's kind of sad when you find out, nearly four years after the fact, that your whole friendship was based on lie. I am still kind of in shock. I want to say it doesn't matter. It doesn't. It's been years. It's just really, really sad. Sold out is the perfect name after all. Who knew, not me.

And Again, But Different

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 14:53:13 GMT

God provided again. I will not be homeless!! I am always amazed at how things work out, but yet still fear them not working out. I have trust issues with God, though He gives me no reason to have them.

But I am upset with myself in that I would be upset if I still did not have a place to live (but I do). (If you understand that you get an "A" in Understanding Angel 101.) Truth: Sometimes I feel like a spoiled brat who cries and freaks out when she doesn't get her way, but when she does, she's as happy as lark. I don't mean my way specifically b/c I don't work at Starbucks, write songs and play music for a living, but nonetheless am very content. What I mean is when things gets messed up or becomes uncertain in my life, I have this tendency to freak out. This doesn't happen with everything and I have gotten better at being more chill, but I still cry a lot when I am scared about the future.

We talked about awfulizing last week. I know I do this, I don't think I am drama queen (PLEASE tell me if I am) I think I just worry a bit more than I should... or something. Not even that really... it's that I make everything about who I am. BUT THAT'S NOT WHO I AM!! I create so many things to be about my identity when they are not. B/c I am/was fearful of the ice that will come in 5-6 months from now and b/c it will get dark at 4:25 pm that meant that I wasn't going to make it in life. (I am being brutally honest right now). What the crap?! That's not true! I realized something on Saturday, something that Jim and many other people have told me all along. I am not my visually impairment. I am proud of my walking every where. When it bothers me, I think, is when people feel sorry for me *coughmyMomcough.* Then I start to feel kind of sorry for myself. Now my Mom loves me to death, worries about me and wants what is best for me, I appreciate that so very much, but I also need the encouragement to keep doing my thing. (My Mom is learning this too.) To become excited over the fact that I can go either direction on a one way street when cars can not! :)

I most certainly do appreciate when people offer me rides especially when the weather is crappy or it's dark. Ok, here's the a huge part of the issue... ready, here we go.... It's not that anyone else would think so but what I am declaring is that no one is better than me b/c they can drive a car and I can't. So screw this world who says, you must have this, this and this. And screw the people who say you are ok when you have / can do / are this or that. I am me. I am not only a few select things.

This is liberation.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 11:33:22 GMT

Judges 6:11-24 (NIV)

11 The angel of the LORD came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. 12 When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior." 13 "But sir," Gideon replied, "if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the LORD bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the LORD has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian." 14 The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?" 15 "But Lord , ^[a] " Gideon asked, "how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family." 16 The LORD answered, "I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together." 17 Gideon replied, "If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. 18 Please do not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you." And the LORD said, "I will wait until you return." 19 Gideon went in, prepared a young goat, and from an ephah ^[b] of flour he made bread without yeast. Putting the meat in a basket and its broth in a pot, he brought them out and offered them to him under the oak. 20 The angel of God said to him, "Take the meat and the unleavened bread, place them on this rock, and pour out the broth." And Gideon did so. 21 With the tip of the staff that was in his hand, the angel of the LORD touched the meat and the unleavened bread. Fire flared from the rock, consuming the meat and the bread. And the angel of the LORD disappeared. 22 When Gideon realized that it was the angel of the LORD, he exclaimed, "Ah, Sovereign LORD! I have seen the angel of the LORD face to face!" 23 But the LORD said to him, "Peace! Do not be afraid. You are not going to die." 24 So Gideon built an altar to the LORD there and called it The LORD is Peace. To this day it stands in Ophrah of the Abiezrites.

Ephesians 1:7 (NIV)

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace

Luke 1:67 (The Message)

67-79Then Zachariah was filled with the Holy Spirit and prophesied,

   Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel;
      he came and set his people free.
   He set the power of salvation in the center of our lives,
      and in the very house of David his servant,
   Just as he promised long ago
      through the preaching of his holy prophets:
   Deliverance from our enemies
      and every hateful hand;
   Mercy to our fathers,
      as he remembers to do what he said he'd do,
   What he swore to our father Abraham—
      a clean rescue from the enemy camp,
   So we can worship him without a care in the world,
      made holy before him as long as we live.

   And you, my child, "Prophet of the Highest,"
      will go ahead of the Master to prepare his ways,
   Present the offer of salvation to his people,
      the forgiveness of their sins.
   Through the heartfelt mercies of our God,
      God's Sunrise will break in upon us,
   Shining on those in the darkness,
      those sitting in the shadow of death,
   Then showing us the way, one foot at a time,
      down the path of peace.

6-8Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.