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| The BandaidThere are bad news all around, coming in all directions. From back home (my uncle has lung cancer), to where I am (my sister is always sick and almost had another stroke), to my friends (depressed or dying to live), spring is here and the winds are changing. And me. My bronchitis hit me unexpectedly, but otherwise I am trying to do what I am known for. What I do best. Make others smile. Do the trick in front of their eyes to make their problems disappear for a moment. A southern magician; a band-aid. But I find my band-aid is not working that well for me. I put them on gushing, problematic wounds that need more attention that I am not capable of providing. We can only do so much. The rest....you might need to get a bigger band-aid. | | |
| R.I.P. Shelly-booPeople usually say, "I don't know when it happened, but..." But I know. It happened July 28, 2007, maybe a few months after that. That's when I stopped thinking like a child. I put away childish things. I especially noticed it tonight, as my nieces played around me. I usually play with them, get into whatever they have in mind, AND love it. Tonight, though, and for the past few months, I haven't done that. Instead, I've become one of the adults. One of the adults that don't laugh hysterically at the jokes. One of the adults that don't let them do fun things. One of the adults that think about responsibility first, then fun things way later (if we have time, if it doesn't interfere). I don't like change, but that definitely has to change, too. Its just that,... being an adult sucks! Its around that time, now that I look back, when I had a huge argument with momma and we decided to agree to disagree from now on, when a friend rocked my world to its core and it has never been the same, and when I was informed that I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon because Ecuador had to be put on hold. Now, I pray, in earnest, to let me be the adult I am forced to be without losing the little girl that knew how to laugh without letting something in the back of her mind stop it. Its finding that balance that is giving me a hard time. | | |
| Employed Poor"Employed Poor" by Claudia Alick Living in this city ain't no joke.
I'm working 40 hours a week just to stay broke.
Property? Property is still the great divider
because landowners, they hold all the power.
If you can't afford to live in the neighborhood you work in,
then something is not right, my friend.
Can I get an amen?
I mean, what the difference between me and an indentured servent
when more than 50 % of my paycheck
is going towards my rent.
I've got collectors siphoning me off
just a little at a time.
These monthly bleedings have got me losing my mind.
I'm talking gas, electric, phone--
I ain't even got cable!
If luxury is the garden of Eden,
then call me 'Cain and Abel,'
because I am fighting with myself.
Struggling to retain my drive,
because you got to keep on hustling
if you wanna stay alive.
See, I gambled on education, but all I got was loans.
I wen for the chicken.
Instead, I got the bones.
Now I'm living in a lilliputan apartment,
And I'm feeling like Gulliver.
I got a bedroom/dining room/living room/other.
I've got a loft bed where I sleep up high in the sky,
And I climb that ladder each night
reaching for my piece of the pie!
I rise before sunshine alone and in pain.
I shower unconscious, dreams dribbling down the drain.
I'm always running late.
The train doors wake me with a jerk.
I'm riding the Middle Passage
each morning from home to work.
I'm getting sick of this sisphean struggle,
but all the alternatives only seem to spell trouble.
I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Quit my job? Become a bum?
I tried that.
Turns out not being able to affordfood?
Not fun.
So I'm just going to stay on this treadmill headed towards wealth,
but I'm about to drop hard doing this shit for my health. A funny poem to go with a not so fun week. I've been searching for jobs and training in nursing, and apartments with deadends. Though, on a plus end, I've gotten a promotion at Barnes and Noble (lead position with more pay and constant hours). But the promotion is soaked in irony, since its not in medicine! And I have money, but not enough to live. I am at least thankful for my patient family and understanding friends. The degree I've earned and money are great things, and I'll be ecstatic when more credible output comes out of the input I've put in over the years. | | |
| Autumn in New YorkIts not easy to accept change, but I'm coping well. I have been in the Northeast for more than 3 weeks now. I have gotten a job as a transfer in a bookstore. I have moved in with my sister who I haven't seen in a year and haven't lived with since I was 12. Now, God help me, I haven't looked back! First arriving here, I was worried about the decision. My sister neglected to tell me that I was living in a garage, not a furnished room, like she said over the phone. There is no close bus line and my parents tell me that my car being shipped is going to take longer than expected. My deadlines for school are approaching. And I still haven't found a church, which makes a month without a service and more without a good helping of some good fellowship. They say bad luck comes in threes, but this is rediculous! But that's the bad. Now for the good... New York! Amazing! Fast paced. Exciting. Diverse. Too much in so little time. Researching areas and current news, the new New York is the place where you can do any activity, at any time. I've heard horror stories. I've seen disaster come from New York. But not this New York. Its so family friendly now. And the comradity is amazing. Everyone was so warm and willing (unless you stop them from where they are going...I think the phrase "places to go, people to see" came from 42nd street!). Central park was breath-taking, especially with the leaves starting to change and the weather being perfectly cool. The people I was hanging with made my first experiences to the North even better! We ate, we danced, we walked, we subwayed. In a weekend in New York, I did more than I ever did in two years in New Orleans. By Sunday, we had finished hitting Manhattan hard, seeing Les Miserable on Broadway, hanging in great and not so great restaurants and bars, and dancing before the break of dawn. Pics on my website! If you haven't gone to New York, its time to made plans! Getting back home, I hung with my fam and told them everything I did. I get to work, blah, blah, blah. The living situation is kinda weird and unstable though. There is no guarantee that my sister will be in this same place for the next few years, so I am starting to look for more stability. Any suggestions?... My neices, Thyronica and Kiara, are great. So eager to catch up and mimic my every move. My shadows! If they only knew...I'm not that cool. I'm pretty boring! But as they head off to school and they head off to work, I look forward to see them again so we can change that. Besides that, I've been getting into New Jersey. Seems I have found Mecca. This is a large community of Indians and Hispanics that have all settled here. They have families with the backyard and the well-manicured grass. It has the living-the-American-dream-dinner-on-the-table-by-six feel. The schools are the same. Whites and blacks are the minority!! Quite a change!! Its great to meet new people and,now, I have plenty to choose from. That's the update. Next stop, training and hospital work! | |
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| In case you didn't know...I realize I didn't tell many about the latest changes in my life, but I had no idea how many people that actually consisted of! Well, I'm in New Jersey, living with my sister, Tina, and her two girls, Thyronica and Kiara until I can see if I can move into a rent controlled apartment near here or my jobs. I've been here less than a week, and since I have never lived outside of Louisiana, its has been quite a change. The pace is the same, but the dynamics are quite different. Majority of my neighorbors are Asians and Latinos and everything has different rules to abide to. Its a real family community, though.
The community I was SUPPOSED to be in, Ecuador, was an unfortunate change. For those of you who do not know, a year ago I graduated from LSU expecting to go to Ecuador for a year. I had an amazing experience at Chi Alpha's annual New Years Eve bash/'The Uprising" and got countless confirmations from God to use my skills in Latin America. After earning starter money and getting the proper papers, the supervisors in that area came back to the States to earn money. Replacements would not be available until next year.
Meanwhile, I started working two jobs. I expected to hear other news. After 7 months, the supervisors of the AG church confirmed that I would have to find another area. My plans were coming apart. Doubt and added pressures from family started to weigh on me but I am determined. The time is just not right. For now, I have decided to continue my employment at Barnes and Noble and local clinics. I have moved to New Jersey because I can. I can be anywhere, at this point. I am glad to have made these decisions though. In effect, I have branched out and I am experiencing much more than I ever expected.
On my way to New Jersey, I took two trains and made a pit stop in North Carolina! Derick Brumley really showed me some great places and we had another exciting weekend in New York with his cousins, Amy Geiger, and some new friends. In between the weekends, there have been job training and looking around for libraries [ : ))] and local stores. Breaking a few driving rules, I am just now getting my bearings.
So, I will ask for your prayers in this time of big adjustments and new discoveries. I look forward to the roadblocks as well as the blessings! The roadblocks make me move outside of my comfort zones and the blessings encourage me more than you ever know.
I hope this shed some light on your questions! Any more, and I'll just call ya! | |
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