|
| i'm so lost...it's amazing...it's been 4 years...and i am in the very same spot i was 4 years ago...sometimes...i think it has to be me...
think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady,
i don't want nobody to follow me
'cept maybe you
i could make you happy, you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do too bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it but you're perfect together
so fuck you
and your untouchable face
fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
who am i
bet you can't even tell me that much
and now i'm a different person
different in so many ways
tell me what did you like about me
and don't say my strength and daring
'cuz now i think i'm at your mercy
and it's my first time for this kind of thing
and you are so lame
you always disappoint me
it's kinda like our running joke
but it's really not funny
i just want you to live up to
the image of you i create
when i say you sucked my brain out
the english translation
is i am in love with you
and it is no fun
but i don't use words like love
'cuz words like that don't matter
but don't look so offended
you know, you should be flattered
i see you and i'm so unsatisfied
i guess that makes me the jerk with the heartache
here to sing to you about how i been done wrong
there's just a couple things
i'd like to know
like how could you do nothing
and say, i'm doing my best
how could you take almost everything
and then come back for the rest
how could you beg me to stay
reach out your hands and plead
and then pack up your eyes and run away
as soon as i agreed
and now i'm tired
and i am broke
and i feel stupid and i feel used
and i'm at the end of my little rope
and i am swinging back and forth
about you
| | |
|
think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
i don't want nobody to follow me
'cept maybe you
i could make you happy you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do
tell you the truth i prefer
the worst of you
too bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it but
you're perfect together
so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
and who am i
i bet you can't even tell me that much
two-thirty in the morning
and my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
a safe haven of sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down
the top 20 country songs
and out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
y'know, i don't look forward
to seeing you again soon
you'll look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
and i won't know what to do
and i won't know what to say
except fuck you...
i see you and i'm so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a changing constellation
of balls as we are playing
i see orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of saying
is fuck you...
| | |
| 
our house in Atl...i guess we're really moving now...
| | |
| Lover I Don't Have To Love Lyrics
I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you
I said I liked your shoes
You said, "Thanks, can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs and out of view
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time
Now it's two o'clock
The club is closed
We're up the block
Your hands on me; Pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been here before
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here but I'm not sure
I've got the money if you've got the time
You said it feels good
I said, "I'll give a try."
Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
And the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching; let's just keep... keep singing...
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I've got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need a meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind
But you, but you...
You write such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt.
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do
Then hurt me... [x10] | | |
| Where did the time go?taking a break from ochem...and decided to break on this blog for the first time since...what a couple months ago...*shrug...things have been ok with me, a lot of things have been going on...a bit overwhelming sometimes, it's hard to think that i am going to be a 3rd year soon...when did this happen? and that i am looking for an apartment with my friends and staying in chicago for the summer...and my home is no longer going to be in STL...when did all of this happen? it's weird to think that my spring break will be one of the last times i can truly call stl my home...from then on...it's chicago...my homebase is chicago...in one way it sounds amazing...but it's also so scary at the same time...it's scary to think that i have come so far...and yet feel like i have nothing to show for it...it's scary to think my group one is going to be split up since the first time since what...forever? jamie is going to be in japan for a year...i'm moving to atl soon...susie is staying in cali...and rachael is off running around saving the world...when did all of this happen? i'm not scared that i would not be in touch with them...somehow...even with all of the distance...i feel even closer to them...cause i know how fortunate i am to find friends like them...i miss them so much sometimes...with the situation current situation with a person i know...i've been thinking about Em a lot lately...i miss her a lot...and sometimes i wonder if i will ever be able to forgive myself for what i had done...and i hope and wish she knows how much guilt i carry around me everyday because of what happened....everytime i listen to r.kelly's i wish song or eat a bit of chocolate i think of her...i guess which is why i have to believe that there is something more to life than this...that someday i'll see her again...maybe...with everything that has been going on with my life, i have so many questions and not many answers...and all i want is some peace and be with the people i love so dearly and work everything out and plan my path...i feel so lost and this is so not like me...what happened to the OCD yuan so was so driven and knew exactly where she was going and how to get there...you would think that the older you got the more you would know and have figured out...but i find that it's quite the opposite...when did all of this happen? and as i sit here in teh reg...and watch the clock tick...i wonder and panic...will i have the time to do everything i want, to get everything done...and yet still find the time for me...with many different people and commitments pulling me in so many directions...i feel so confused and surrounded with so many options and yet no true guidance for my proper path...*sigh...the ochem problem set and mind paper is calling to me...
| | |
|
