The food is a nightmare.
I used to not care about something as insignificant as my weight - but I wanted so hard to fit in with the rest of the kids at my school. All of the guys were strong, athletic, and built. I've never been good at sports. I did the next best thing to make myself skinny.
Yes..I did it. I purged. I ate food and the guilt made it come back up. I made it come back up. My own fingers. My own fucking hands took the insides out of my body to burn burn burn my throat, my mouth, my heart, my mind. I did it every day until one day when I got caught by my older brother, Stewert. He told my mom and she made sure I stopped - she told my stepdad. He threw me around, and said if people found out at school they'd have to send me someplace. I stopped throwing up, but to make up for it, I stopped eating so that I wouldn't have to.
I eat sometimes so nobody will consider that I might be the shit that I am - an anorexic, former bullemic. It doesn't help, the weight loss. People at school still treat me like fucking hell. They still toy with my emotions and make me cry every night. They don't care about me. Nobody does. Not even myself.
One day I'll get away. Maybe go to the states - I watch movies and see kids like me. Outcasts with lives of waste and I think...what if I'll belong with them? That would be absolutely wonderful.
But until then, I only have a world that is totally against me and the tears that never stop coming.
One day I'll get away...one day...
reDell
P.S. - This band is really good. They're called the Used - I can relate to their songs on such a personal level. I can especially relate to their name - Used. That's how I feel half the time, afterall... | 
