|
| Yesterday wasnt bad..i didnt eat all that much but i ate a regular amount i guess. I feel really really fat though. And all this stress shit is getting to me. I didnt go to school either yesterday. But obviously i have to today. Im up and ready, im tired as hell though. I didnt go to sleep until 2 last night. Bad choice i must say but i wasnt even close to tired.
intake.
salad, lots of dressig: 300 cals
tv dinner: 230 cals
Jello: 10 cals
pickles: 15 cals
Total cals: 555 cals
Not too bad i dont guess. When my mom got home we went to the mall and i got my hair cut, it looks really really good. then we went shopping a little bit afterwards and got 2 t shirts and a sweater... Well im going to school, stay strong<3
})i({Whitneyyy | | |
| So, today i havent eaten that much. Its been horrible though. Me and Poser broke up last night. Which totally made me want to shoot myself. I got up at 7:30 this morning and i usually get up at 6:30. I hate this. I went to school but checked out in my 4th period class (around 11:00 or so.). I came home and then i called him when i thought he was home. He said hed call me back when he had time to talk before we goes to work. He begged me back for like, 3 minutes and then told me to hold on and he was gone for like, 15 minutes after that. I was furious. When he got back i told him what i thought and he got pissed at me. whatever. Ill just stay in my room, no school, no food, all sleep, laying there watching tv high, skinny, and completely alone. Ill probably go to school tomorrow, or at least try to anyhow.
To top all of that off, one of my good friends is pissed at me. We were suppose to hang out last weekend but he couldnt. so he was suppose to come over today after school but i went home. and he asked me if he could come over Thursday and i said if its okay and i dont have practice and i feel good. He got pissed and totally went off on me telling me my every fucking flaw...yeah i love friends.
eatten
pasta- 615 cals
gatorade- 30 cals
total- 545 calories.
All ive done is lay in bed if that counts for losing calorioes but i doubt it. I just feel like going and dying..seriously. I have no one to talk to. no one at all
 | | |
| The Boyfriend.
He said he'd call when he got home. But he never called.
So she tries to call over and over, until she worries herself to the bones. Then one of her good friends call. She's with him, along with a bunch of other guys and a couple girls. She asks to talk to him. Kind of mad and upset he didnt tell her where he was going to be. His first words are "I love you.". But shes too mad to care. She replys with an "I know."
So, he asks whats wrong. And she explains that shes been worried and that she called him but he didnt answer. And that it upsets her that he didnt call when he said he would. But he busts out in complaint. "I told you i was going skateboarding after work with my friends. Did you not listen?" She gets scared of the incoming fight, "You said you MIGHT, but when you said one of your friends was coming over i thought you would go back to your house and everything." She's getting worried, her voice trembling already because she knows he'll yell.."I SAID THAT I WAS, I DIDNT SAY MIGHT."
She tries to end it but he wont let that happen. She feels smushed between the way he's acting. If he weren't around all of his friends he wouldn't be yelling at her like this. Blaming everything on her. Leaving her to grieve. Does he really love her the way he says he does? Or does he just not want to feel lonely.
She doesnt know if he head can keep on with this. Knowing its all her fault but still being with him because she loves him so much. Fight after fight, every single day. She practically knows he doesnt want to be with her anymore but still he says that he does. So she tries hard to keep up with the way he feels. The pains too much. Knowing that she made him feel so horrible, and him feeling that way has made her feel that way.. Its too much. | | |
| Im Whitney.
Im 15 years old.
This is just a way, to pretty much let it all out..And to write stories and things like would normally do in a notebook at school or something.
Sometimes things go wrong, but i dont know how to fix them.
Sometimes things go wrong, and i dont feel like fixing them.
I get high on occation. As much as possible usually.
Im thinking of becoming Wiccan, but i go to church to learn about God anyways.
Most of my friends are beautiful.
Im the fat one of the bunch, or so my distorted mind tells me.
Im quit at some points of the day.
At others im obnoxious.
I would be diagnosed with ADD if id ask to get tested.
But my grades are pretty good.
I have a boyfriend, at which i bitch at him all of the time.
I dont know why..
My mom the same way, she's anorexic.
When im feeling like shit, or feeling in love i usually write short stories.
Im horrible with words.
And ive been to rehab..not a cool thing i must add.
Im depressed.
Medication doesnt usually help it much either.
I wish i lived alone.
Im obsessed with sex and drugs.
Im not a whore or anything. Ive only had sex with 2 guys my whole life.
In which i was in love with both. Or so i thought.
Im always freezing.
My hair falls out extremely easily.
Im a cheerleading and its basically what my life evolves around.
I love my friends.
And my family.
But i cant stand to look at myself.
I miss a lot of people who walked out of my life, who dont even think of me.
Im scared of time. Its so weird and i hate it with everything i am. So therefore i am Chronophobic.
I have an eating disorder in which im trying hard to make go away. So therefore i am sitiophobic.
Im bothered by it alot.
My chest gets caught in my throat.
And i cant be alone. | | |
|
