*sigh* here goes...

I don't know how much or how little you all know about me.. but this past year i have been really distant from most of you, and i apologize for that, although it was probably for your own good sicne i havent been making the greatest choices....

This past year i have really been trying to find myself, to see if what I believe in is true, if its what i would die for, I have lost a lot of friends in this process...friends who were great for me, but i took them for granted, rejected the advice they had for me, and did my own thing... it kills me to say this.. i wish i could have stayed the way you all knew me, the way i thought i was.. a godly christian... but we all fall sometimes right?

I wont get into my sinful life that i was living, but i will tell you that i am trying to fix what i broke.... ive not only hurt the ones closest to me, but i have hurt myself SO deeply, i often cry bc it hurts so much and i dont think it can ever be fixed... im getting help,(aka counselor) and he is an amazing person... im dion this new Bible study, very in-depth and it is really helping me to see what i have become, why i do the things i do, and how i can change. I guess ive been stripped of my personality by all the things that have happened this year.... so its relaly hard to just not want to stay in bed all day, and not go anywhere or talk to anyone...which is not like the old me, u all know that lol.. i have gone through depression which im getting out of, i was suicidal for awhile..   but thank god i never did anything to myself...

but yeah the whole reason im telling you all this is because i need ur prayers, and i know i havent been a good friend to u guys but i NEED you to pray, to pray that god would give me strength bc i dont think i can get through this without ur support and prayers, u have no idea how BROKEN i am, and how desperately i need help... So please pray for me, i would appreciate it..

Again, i apologize for letting a lot of you down...:'( You are all such wonderful people with such amazing gifts and talents. God has really blessed you all.

I hope i made some kind of sense...

I'm very sorry for hurting or letting down any of you..

Please pray...

Thank you...    ~Rach~