Love~ From the Bottom of My Broken Heart I dont want to be "someone's girl" I dont want someone to "call my own" I just want...I just want my "older brother". Someone I could trust. Someone I could talk to. Someone who would stay up with me till 3 in the morning talking about random stuff. Someone who takes me on impromptu trips to the mountains to go skiing. Someone I could go to when I'm stressed and tell me that everything will be okay. Someone who always knows how to make me smile. Someone who I could tell all my secrets to. Someone who would tell me how stupid the guy that broke my heart is and how I deserve better. Someone who would help me in math, chemistry and physics. Someone who would hold my hand during the "hard times". Someone who would never ever break our promises. Someone who calls me their "little sister."<3 The truth is...I dont miss you as much as I miss myself when I was with you. I was so happy, so confident, so fearless, so...me. But I dont want you back- I'm happy, I'm doing well, really well, plindishly well- yeah I miss our 3 hour long talks, your cheesy text messages, your neck kisses, your cooking, your smile, our cuddles...but I've come to accept that somethings arent meant to be, no matter how much you wish for them. And, anyway at the end all that matters to me is that you're happy. Because when you truly care about someone, as much I do about you, your happiness is more important than mine <3 What do you do when you fall in love with the one person you promised you'll never fall in love with? No matter how hard I try...no matter how hard I try liking someone else...no matter how many times I tell myself that you're in the past...no matter how many times I tell myself "I'm over you"...no matter how many times I try to forget about you...no matter how hard I try to not think about you...you're still the only one I think about every second. Maybe...it was for the best...the way things turned out. Did you know that I still think about you every night? I would have done anything and everything in my power to see you again, even if its just for a second. Now...I can finally let you go. At least I have all the memories of you and I <3 Lets start all over...lets pretend we just met...so I could take back all my little mistakes.<3 Looking at the picture where we're together- makes me smile...even though I know that I'll never see you ever again. <3 If I could have one wish it would be do spend one more night with you. Maybe it was for the best...for us not to be together... The truth is I cant imagine myself being with anybody else. My favorite thing about you...was that I didnt feel like I had to be "perfect" because I knew that you loved me all my strengths and imperfections....just me <3 When I heard that you might be coming...my heart skipped a beat. The funny thing is...I dont want to see you again...I want you to stay in the past. Was I wrong to believe that we had something? So like...you're so last season. I just want to know that you're doing okay...even if I'm crying myself to sleep every night <3. Your name is still the first one to come to mind when I find myself day dreaming. Baby...you loved me didn't you? Even though its been over 5 months since I last saw you...I still clearly remember your amazing smile, your goregous eyes, your sweet voice, everything about you <3 Baby...we never really had a goodbye...did we? I always pass by your picture on Myspace...and I want to see your page...but I know that it would only make my heart break again. Whenever I hear the same songs I listened with you on your I-Pod...I can feel my heart breaking all over again as I remember all the memories we had together. I still listen to "our" song...and I cry everytime...because now you're not sitting next to me and I cant lean on to you anymore. Its funny how I still think about you on a daily basis. The sad thing is...that I believed in what we had...believed that the distance would mean nothing...that the only important thing was that we loved each other. I'll never forget the words I told you, "I want my first kiss with you." Now my question for you is...did you feel the same way? I keep on replaying those moments we had...those instances that I had...where I thought you were the one. If only I had one more night...one more day to tell you how I truly felt...
I didnt want you to be a summer fling...but now all I have are the summer memories What do you do when the one person you truly care for is over 3 hours away? Everytime I see you the only thing I could think of is...why are you here in my life? I know I should have taken a chance and kissed you...but I was afraid you would turn your head away. Sometimes I wish I could just be where you are... I still remember how safe I felt sleeping next to you. What makes me mad is the fact that I had a chance with you... Why is that whenever I think I found the one...he always runsaway? I know that crying isnt going to get me near to where you are...but thats the only thing I can do right now I keep on playing back the moments we had...those times when you were the only thing I could see...the only thing that I could think of Every little thing reminds me of you. Was I just "another girl" to you? Cause for sure you werent just "another boy" to me... I wish I didnt need you...but you're my only hope... What makes me sad isnt the fact that you dont like me...its the fact that you dont have the guts to tell me. I dont want you to be "just another guy I met"...I want you to be "the one" I didnt want to be another girl you just hooked up with...I wanted to be the one... Its funny how the guy that makes me smile the most...is the guy that makes me cry at night. You're still the only guy I want have my first kiss with. You'll always have a place in my heart...the only question is...do I have a place in your heart? At times I dont want to wake up in the morning because in my dreams you're still mine. What makes me feel stupid is that I actually believed you would call me. I never wanted to wake up because I knew when I did wake up you would be gone... Its funny how the guy that makes me smile the most...is the guy that makes me cry just thinking about him. Even after all of this, the only thing I want right now...is to have your arms around me.. I never understood why I fell in love with you. Maybe thats why I will never understand why you lied to me. One day...I know...that if people talk about you...I wont think about you...when people mention your name...your face wont come up in my mind...when I look at pictures with you in it...I wont stare into your eyes...when I think about my perfect boyfriend...your name won't be the first on my mind...But right now...you're the only one I truly love <3 I look around the hallways, the cafeteria, the gym, the classrooms....hoping that I might...just might...see you again... I wish I never said no to you, cause everytime I see you the only thing I could think about, is what life would be like if I said yes. I love the way you make me smile...even if when I say your name it makes me cry. I told you would need me...but then you were never good at listening. Its amazing how I can find you instantly in a crowd of people. But the question is...can you find me in a crowd of people? Your face haunts me every waking moment. I never wanted you back in my life. But when I see you in front of me...the only thing I wish for is for us to be together. I want to smile, laugh, and be happy. But without you I just can't...because I miss you too much.... I know in my head I'm over you. But my heart tells me that I still love you. Truth be told...I still love you I keep on looking of pictures of you...and I smile inside knowing that then...we were still together I listen to stories about you that other people say...and pretend that you mean nothing at all to me...when in reality you mean everything to me When people ask me about us...all I can say is "Nothing happened" because nothing really did happen. I read my diary, over and over...remembering all the times we spent together. I wish I am stronger than your words. But I am not. I wish you never meant anything to me. But you meant the world to me. I wish I could forget about you. But I've been trying that for these past few years. I wish I've found someone else. But I havent. I wish I was yours. But you're someone elses. I wish that I could be in your arms. But I'm not. L-O-V-E...a simple four letter word...but so hard to get. It would have only been a "good bye" kiss. I wish every guy I see didn't remind me of you. But every guy does. I wish every time I walk into a clothing store I stopped picking outfits for you. But I always think about what you would wear. I wish every time I eat ice cream I didnt think about the ice cream sundae we shared that one night. But I remember how we ordered that ice cream sundae even though I didnt like rhum ice cream just so you could have your pistachio ice cream. I wish everytime I see a couple kiss on tv I didnt think about you. But I always remember that one kiss we had, when I knew that you were the one. I wish I liked someone else. But I still love you. |