it's a strange sensation to discover that the looming threat of adulthood can no longer be ignored. student loans, prospective careers, friends and lovers all remind us that we're closer to the real world and farther from the sandbox than we'd ever realized. aging and maturing is all fun and games when you're young, but when reality sets in and you must face gray hairs, finances and health issues, well, you begin to understand what your mom meant when she told you that you'd grow up soon enough.

when i was younger, i was under the impression that my years as a young adult--in high school, in college, in my "prime"--would be the best of my life. if this notion is true, what does that say about the great expanse of time that is my future? have i really reached the apex of my small, meager existence?

no one can really say for sure what i have (or don't have) to look forward to; all i have is twenty years of mediocrity upon which to reflect. i see that i'm not too young to have regrets, to have unfulfilled dreams, to have the burning desire to change my fate--even though fate has never treated me that poorly in the past. i have very few answers to these great questions i ask, very few reassurances for tomorrow. but this very feeling of emptiness offers hope--a hope that without a future set in a stone, there will be room enough to breathe.

i fear the ramifications of getting too comfortable with an ugly sweater.
how much is too much?

it's one of those nights where my mind's been asleep for hours, and it is berating my body for not doing the same. i smell a long, boring weekend, filled to the brim with homework and stressing (and maybe if i'm lucky, a few good hours of knitting).

lord, i really am old.

but these pictures are fun and remind me of happy times.



this grandma needs to get to bed.

i went to a baptism yesterday, and the following open house was pure delight: drinking with my mom, fantastic food, and the coolest family in the world (quite possibly because it isn't mine). i wish i were a shingola.

it was a pretty lovely weekend involving cool new people, the mending of broken relationships, getting no sleep, and just being chill. i could think of several improvements, but i know better than to start asking for favors. for now, i'll just fly under the radar and forget about a lot of shit...it's what an old soul does best.