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n2jesus419
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Name: Andrew
Country: United States
State: Florida
Gender: Male
Interests: I am interested in a lot of things. The biggest pursuit of my life is my relationship with God. I really enjoy talking to people one-on-one and being open and honest, and I can't be around a lot of people for long periods of time. I enjoy art and really that's about it as far as interests go.
Expertise: Well, I can paint and write. I don't have too many hobbies. Of course myspace, facebook, aim, and now xanga apparently.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  N2jesus419
Member Since:
3/29/2006
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| These past few weeks...The past couple weeks have been really emotionally intense for
me. I'm not really sure why. I feel like there is this huge block of
sadness and anxiety sitting in my chest. It was strange because last
night, as mental images of everything I had gone through that day
flooded my head, I pictured this huge brick sitting in my chest and
swelling outward, and it grew so big that it was the same size as my
body. When I woke up this morning, I was really inspired to paint
something, and the idea was already in my head. I ended up painting
all day. I wanted to put the painting on here, but my computer isn't
working right. What I painted was a man's face next to the feet of
Jesus on the cross with blood dripping down on him. I am so
overwhelmed with the fact that I mess up everything in my life. God
blesses me, and I destroy the blessing. I'm not trying to destroy my
blessings; I'm actually trying to keep them. I feel like my fears and
anxieties do nothing but plot how they are going to lead me to my
downfall so they can control me even more than they already do. I just
wonder, why does God give me something that He knows I will destroy?
Why is it that when I try to hold on to something that is from Him, it
breaks like glass in my hands and scars me? Maybe the problem is that
I hold on to it so tightly, but then I wonder why that is a problem.
Maybe the reason I hold on so tightly is not because I want to honor
God with the responsibility He has given me, but because of fear. I am
afraid that if I somehow receive something that I've never had, it was
an accident. My thought is that God gave it to me by accident, so He
will take it away as soon as He turns around and realizes that He made
a mistake. Basically, I feel confused and messed up in every way, and
I feel like I only make it worse. This is where the painting comes
in. Regardless of how messed up I am and how crazy I become, Christs
sacrifice is still there. God still loves me even though I mess up.
Every time I crush the gift God has given too me and throw down the
shards in pain, God picks up the pieces for me, gives them to Christ
and punishes Him. It's so beautifully unfair. All I have to do is
stand and let the blood of Christ shower over me.
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| Turkeys, Otters and AlligatorsSo, I haven't updated in a while.
When I was jogging on
the UNF nature trails yesterday, I'm pretty sure I saw a turkey. I saw
something huge run into the woods and it kinda freaked me out so I
almost turned around. Then it ran out and down the trail for maybe 15
feet and ran back in the woods making a weird noise.
Less
than a minute later, something splashed in the water next to the trail
(its kinda swampy), and I thought that maybe it was a small alligator
so I looked. But it wasn't an alligator, there were two otters, and
they swam into the piping that goes underneath the trail.
That's pretty much the end of my story.
I
only have two more weeks of class and one exam day (which means i only
go five more times), then the day after exams I leave for California!
Other than class and work, my summer's been pretty uneventful.
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| Strange conversation...So, I seriously just saw the most annoying girl I've ever met.
She's crazy. No, I mean, she really is crazy. Basically, in high
school, she was in love with me for a couple years. She asked me out a
couple times and asked me to go hang out with her every weekend. I
said "no" every time. She didn't get the message I guess. Anywho, I
went on a youth group ice skating trip (she came to my church for a
while) and she was taking pictures of me from the other side of the ice
skating rink. Weirrrrd. A month later my youth group went camping.
She was taking medicine and I innocently asked her why she was taking
it. She said, "When I'm alone, I hear voices." Hm. I was a little
freaked out that the girl that had been after me for two years was
taking medicine to keep her from hearing voices. A month later she
called me and said, "Andrew, ever since the ice skating trip...things
have been...well...weird between us. I just want to know what's going
on." I said, "Well, every time I'm nice to you you ask me out again
and its really aggravating." So she cried and got off the phone, blah
blah blah. I may have felt bad if I hadn't already rejected her a
million times. Anywho, I didn't see her for a few months until she got
a boyfriend and showed up at church and started comparing him to me.
Then she eventually left my church.
Anywho, today I was walking
to the library at school and then I saw her, and I know she saw me so,
of course, I had to wave. "Heyyyy...Candice...." It was probably the
weirdest conversation I've had in a while. First she talked a little
about her classes. Then she talked about her boyfriend. Not only has
she been dating him for two weeks, but she met him two weeks ago. She
decided to casually tell me that she was raped a year ago. Ok, this
was in the courtyard at school and people were looking at her. She
then decided to tell me how safe she felt at her boyfriend's house and
how she couldn't sleep in her own bed anymore. Then she told me how
pretty his eyes were and said they were like mine. Then she started
talking about her body lice... She was telling me about how she got
treatment for it on Monday and her boyfriend was getting his cream
today and how her friend hasn't gone to the doctor yet. She got my
phone number and I couldn't lie because 1) that would be wrong, and 2)
she was going to call me so I could save her number in my phone. Then
I came to the library to blog it.
Sayonara dudes!! | | |
| School and SuchSo, I've been thinking a lot lately about school and my major. I've pretty much decided that I want to change my major to architecture which means I will have to transfer schools (probably UF). It would be a year from now and I would transfer in the summer. I've been feeling like I'm not really doing anything in psychology other than learning theories and then regurgitating them back for the tests. My plan was to then go to seminary and become a Christian counselor or do some kind of ministry (which I haven't thrown out the window yet). Now I'm thinking about architecture which was my original dream, but I got scared out of it because of the math and the creativity. Anywho, I'm still praying about it and it's not set in stone, but it's a definite possibility.
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| My List of Annoying ThingsThese are in no particular order, just some things that annoy me....
1) Rich people who tell me I should give my money to poor people.
2) Politicians (I feel like voting is usually picking the lesser of two evils)
3) People that don't believe in eating meat, but are pro-choice at the same time.
4) The fact that house pets in America have a better life than people in third world countries.
5) People that don't laugh at anything in a comedy that doesn't involve farting, pooping, or a mixture of both.
6) Most liberalism
7) Christians who tell gays they are all going to hell (All sin is the same in God's eyes).
8) People who use the facebook wall for conversations (or the comment section on myspace for conversations).
9) Celebrities. No really, I hate ALL of them.
10) Sushi
11) The fact that time moves too quickly
12) The fact that time moves too slowly
13) People who give you advice(or quote scripture) when you have a bad day.
14) People who think you should be going to their church and wonder why you don't see it that way (there is a reason I go to mine)
15) People who think they got to the four-way stop first
16) People who weren't paying attention while they pulled up to a four-way stop first and then give you the thank-you wave when you tell them to go as if you are doing them a favor.
17) Brownies with nuts
18) Waking up wanting cereal and realizing you have no milk
19) Wanting to make a pb and j sandwich but you realized you have no peanut butter
20) People that are jolly and happy all the time and always laughing at nothing
21) People who WriTe LiKe tHis
22) High school
23) People that sit behind desks (seriously, they don't budge on anything)
24) People that think they know what you "really want" in life better than you do
25) People that tell me what God's plan is for my life
26) People who get mad if you don't return their call within and hour (but sometimes that's even too long!)
27) The impossible physical standard we are expected to live up to
28) People of an opposing view that are intolerant of my view because they say my views are intolerant
29) People who don't follow through with what they say they will do (its called integrity)
30) People that talk about the diet they are on whenever anyone talks about anything remotely related to food
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