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| i used to joke with my best friend al that i was jesus. now i tell people that my middle name is jesus. what is up with me and blasphemous humor? the world may never know...
in other news...
i don't know why people get these online journals. to stay in contact with others? to meet potential datees/hook ups? i think that has got to be a small amount of people with them- probably 15%. then there is about 25% who like to complain about everything, and find it theraputic to type out 500 words of bitch that they and everyone else will forget about in five minutes. then there is probably 55% who do it because it is popular, and fun to paste weird logos, song lyrics and movies and sounds- like some pseudo website that has nothing to do with your personal life -this is the middle schoolers/japanese demographic
so finally, that leaves 5% of these xangans/my spacers who have respect for their small amount of webspace. they are the true creative people of our generation who acknowledge the faux blog as a great chance to make others laugh/cry/think while online (because let's face it, soon the internet will be as mindless as TV has become!)
i cannot give examples, but i can say that the ones that come to mind have some connection to the ruff draft ( further proving its awesomeness.) i have always enjoyed their posts, and actually thought about their thoughts and felt a connection with them... until i saw the comments they recieved. when i did that, my connection with them grew deeper as i realized not one person understood what they were going through. sure one of their chick friends said, "oh sweetie i love you XOXO" but she could not grasp the true situation....what is 'the situation'?
this is the situation: xanga can not be taken seriously.
no matter how many amazing college student angsty, yet ending incredibly optimistic and perfectly, kate calahan entries you read, it will never reach its full potential. the same thing happens with allison blank's entries. she has an amazing style and flow to her entries, and they ask crucial questions, but no one always takes them seriously. when derek moore was around he had some great devil's advocate entries, that actually made someone think about life. jonathan merkel as the most personal, honest entries, but they are always overlooked. why is this?
BECAUSE MY XANGA IS AWESOME!
for the past THREE YEARS i have single handedly dominated xanga. i have brought amazing comedy, political/ pop commentary, and a site that asks the hard questions my readers think about. it has been the meca for xanga, the greatest place to come and feel fufilled- to feel me! my writings have touched you in ways that you're embarrassed to talk about!
this is why i present you..... n8_the_gr8's TOP TEN MOMENTS!
10. January 15, 2004: makes a freakin second xanga, because poetry rules!
9. September 19, 2004: posts "Assault weapons ban expired, government questioned"
8. June 30, 2005: posts two leaked Islands (ex-Unicorns) songs
7. December 11, 2004: posts satirical Arnold christmas letter
6. June 13, 2003: posts a semi-inspirational entry
5. August 15, 2004: posts true inspiration
4. May 18, 2003: only time to ever post crappy lyrics about a girl
3. February 25, 2005: posts swine week '05: mardi hog daily updates
2. February 1, 2004: posts awesome pictures of The VanOsdols, earns 43 comments!
1. April 11, 2003: posts the phrase "tickets to sum41=KICK ASS!"
there you go sirs, that is my legacy! i came, i saw, i conquered! i brought xanga to Oklahoma. if you live in Oklahoma, and you have a xanga- you owe everything to me!!! YES, I AM AWESOME!
since i am jesus, i present to you my covenant: i will never look at xanga again. just as i have brought you xanga, i will take it away. where goes i, so goes xanga. i am leaving, so xanga is no more. i will probably start a blog spot in a few days. that is all
in conclusion:
if you are a frequent reader of this site, or one of my good friends, thank you. i truly love you, and appreciate our friendship. you are very special to me, and anytime you want to hang out or talk please call me! if you've never been here before, i'm not really an asshole...or jesus (as far as we know). this is just the best entry i could think of. call me.
i love you
take it easy.
-nate | | |
| "What I'd Say to Martians" by Jack Handey
People of Mars, you say we are brutes and savages. But let me tell you one thing: if I could get loose from this cage you have me in, I would tear you guys a new Martian asshole. You say we are violent and barbaric but has any one of you come up to my cage and extended his hand? Because, if he did, I would jerk it off and eat it right in front of him. “Mmm, that’s good Martian,” I would say.
You say your civilization is more advanced than ours. But who is really the more “civilized” one? You, standing there watching this cage? Or me, with my pants down, trying to urinate on you? You criticize our Earth religions, saying they have no relevance to the way we actually live. But think about this: if I could get my hands on that god of yours, I would grab his skinny neck and choke him until his big green head exploded.
We are a warlike species, you claim, and you show me films of Earth battles to prove it. But I have seen all the films about twenty times. Get some new films, or, so help me, if I ever get out of here I will empty my laser pistol into everyone I see, even pets.
Speaking of films, I could show you some films, films that portray a different, gentler side of Earth. And while you’re watching the films I’d sort of slip away, because guess what: the projector is actually a thing that shoots out spinning blades! And you fell for it! Well, maybe not now you wouldn’t.
You point to your long tradition of living peacefully with Earth. But you know what I point to? Your stupid heads.
You say there is much your civilization could teach ours. But perhaps there is something that I could teach you—namely, how to scream like a parrot when I put your big Martian head in a vise.
You claim there are other intelligent beings in the galaxy besides earthlings and Martians. Good, then we can attack them together. And after we’re through attacking them we’ll attack you.
I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves. But you have treated me like an intruder. Maybe it is not me who is the intruder but you.
No, not me. You, stupid.
You keep my body imprisoned in this cage. But I am able to transport my mind to a place far away, a happier place, where I use Martian heads for batting practice.
I admit that sometimes I think we are not so different after all. When you see one of your old ones trip and fall down, do you not point and laugh, just as we on Earth do? And I think we can agree that nothing is more admired by the people of Earth and Mars alike than a fine, high-quality cigarette. For fun, we humans like to ski down mountains covered with snow; you like to“milk” bacteria off of scum hills and pack them into your gill slits. Are we so different? Of course we are, and you will be even more different if I ever finish my homemade flamethrower.
You may kill me, either on purpose or by not making sure that all the surfaces in my cage are safe to lick. But you can’t kill an idea. And that idea is: me chasing you with a big wooden mallet.
You say you will release me only if I sign a statement saying that I will not attack you. And I have agreed, the only condition being that I can sign with a long sharp pen. And still you keep me locked up.
True, you have allowed me reading material—not the “human reproduction” magazines I requested but the works of your greatest philosopher, Zandor or Zanax or whatever his name is. I would like to discuss his ideas with him—just me, him, and one of his big, heavy books.
If you will not free me, at least deliver a message to Earth. Send my love to my wife, and also to my girlfriend. And to my children, if I have any anyplace. Ask my wife to please send me a bazooka, which is a flower we have on Earth. If my so-called friend Don asks you where the money I owe him is, please anally probe him. Do that anyway.
If you keep me imprisoned long enough, eventually I will die. Because one thing you Martians do not understand is that we humans cannot live without our freedom. So, if you see me lying lifeless in my cage, come on in, because I’m dead. Really.
Maybe one day we will not be the enemies you make us out to be. Perhaps one day a little Earth child will sit down to play with a little Martian child, or larva, or whatever they are. But, after a while, guess what happens: the little Martian tries to eat the Earth child. But guess what the Earth child has? A gun. You weren’t expecting that, were you? And now the Martian child is running away, as fast as he can. Run, little Martian baby, run!
I would like to thank everyone for coming to my cage tonight to hear my speech. Donations will be gratefully accepted. (No Mars money, please.) | | |
| - BUY THIS
well, contrary to what my past seminar-buddy thought, i am not a student at the university of kansas. however, on an interesting side note, yesterday was the first time this year i regretted not being a student of kansas state university. boy, what i could have said to the president. i mean, asked of him.
i am so damn productive. wake up-go to class-go to work-do homework-go to bed. not a minute wasted! i don't spend my time on those ridiculous distractions of life (see also relax). maybe next week i will have time to be exahausted.
"wire-taping? torture? weapons of mass destruction?! OSAMA BIN LADEN?!? HAHA at this rate no one will remember my taste for cigars and loose women!"
john merkel: do not worry about if your writing is good enough for others. make sure it is good enough for yourself, because then it will be awesome- and everyone will love it. i mean shit, do you think this xanga got popular because i worried about what others thought. well it did. and it also was ruined because i stopped worrying about what others thought (see also 43 comments compared to 3 comments). well...i know i would never give you a negative eprop.
eric pollard: come back
computer lab technician: go away from your computer so i can steal photoshop off this computer
 "oh give me a break billy, it wasn't that hard!"
it will not be long before the masses cry for a reunion tour: http://www.stereogum.com/archives/002255.html
with another anniversary coming up, i have the feeling it will not be long before i shut this thing down and start up my own blog, with which i will make a fortune selling advertisement. thanks for all the support...except for my girlfriend, she stopped reading this a long time ago!
speaking of...
allie, very very end of senior year of high school, "nate is a total player, it's not like i expect a relationship out of him or anything." please, laugh to yourself
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| thoughts from the road:
there is no fate. the fact that i belive this proves this. unless it is fate that we think we have free will, but in the end come back to beliveing what is right any way. in which case i recognize fate, but think it is very shady and bite my thumb at it.
thoughts from back at college: break was the fastest month of my life. "there once was a time i feared i would not get in to TCU" - too true. downtown fort worth is cool. being there ten hours a week is...more than i thought. why do we even have roommates? texas. i don't know what i am doing. love making on the phone makes me feel corded? or wireless. everynight i've told myself i'm going to switch my major to english- every afternoon i talk myself out of it. music, should have done that. i don't know what i am doing.
college football, where are you?
KU: 55 KSU:59
KU:86 MIZZOU: 89
sucks to be attending the university of kansas this year! | | |
| well, i guess there isn't much to say
except i did better at college than i thought i would
and i miss my high school friends more than i thought i would
and i love my girlfriend more than i think i should
but it's all together now in the hoooooooooooooooood
politics:dick cheney is a dick. if the patriot act gets renewed i will go to the library and check out every flagged book i can find. on second thought, they might give me some good ideas/inspire a trip back to DC
music:i should forget about a career in the music industry; the grammy nominees make me puke. when it's possible for gwen stefani to win multiple grammys, something is wrong with music! the 'alternative' category should be abolished, and the artists should be treated just like everyone else. but dammit, fall out boy should not even be acknowledged as music.
faith/spirituality:take note that this category is not entitled "religion". i will never read a book published by a christian book seller- they are more subjective than conservative funny papers. real writers deal with God in real ways...as do real people, and i intend to do so.
here are some good quotes that mean a lot to me:
"be the change you want to see in the world" ghandi
"i'm not a christian. i am a follower of jesus christ, but i am certainly not part of that group [basically, politicians/voters who preach one way, but vote another]" my political science professor talking to a class of shocked/terrified stern republicans/zombies.
i love each and every single on of you that i saw this weekend. i have a place in my heart for each one of you and i can't wait to fill it again.
nate...i hate my memory. not because i don't remember doing things, but because i can't relive them. you can never go back.
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