After many years of loyalty to Xanga, it's time to move on!  :)  I'm now a 'blogger' at http://grootles.blogspot.com .  I'm hoping to update regularly again, just thoughts I have, things I see, and all the rest!  Well, if any one still checks this, here yah go! 

Daniel

The school year is over!  Summer con is come and gone (I was going to write about it on this blog, but have had neither time nor energy... call me if you want to hear more) the class of 2007 has graduated and it is time to rest...

Or maybe not!  I have spent the last week and a half moving stuff to a new house 3 blocks away, tomorrow I'll be going to Erna and Cam's wedding (woo hoo!) and finally move into 1480 Armadale Ave. on Saturday (crazy eh?). 

So I have been trying to rest in a restless time and it has been difficult to say the least!  I have learned one thing though.  I am probably about as busy now as I am during the school year, but shifts in expectation create shifts in experience.  I was expecting rest, and I got business.  In the past two weeks I have consistently lived out the feeding of the 5,000... if not the cool, "Jesus feeds lotsa people" part, the "I'm too tired to understand what Jesus is trying to show me" part. 

Expectation's impact on experience is interesting.  I see it happen with movies a lot, where either my high expectation creates massive disappointment in an otherwise inconsequential movie (e.g. Matrix reloaded), my low expectation allows me to enjoy a movie worth missing (e.g. Jurrassic park 3), or my grim determination that a movie must be good makes it, well, good (Pirates 3).  What has this to do with me now?  Well, my expectations of rest have made an otherwise, pretty normally busy work week, feel very busy and tiring, and FULL (how can anything be full compared to intern life?!?).  Things I normally don't assume, like time to read at home, I am bothered that I don't have. 
    And in all honesty, my spiritual life has suffered as a result of my expectations.  The expectation of free time and rest time has made me lax about the disciplines of spending time with God, not just wanting to later.  And so I go through the week and realize I am not giving Jesus the time I usually give.  Rather my mind and soul are swept up in the e-mails I send, the people I see, the blogs I read, and the economist (honestly). 

    At one of the last conferences I went to while in school, Brad Arnold exhorted us to "keep our eyes on Jesus," what at the time seemed a trite and condescending phrase takes on new meaning every time I sit, reflect, and see myself sitting where I am now: eyes to ground, bewildered that I know not where I go. 

    Why I am better at learning from failures than success I don't know (probably more practice!), but I am grateful regardless.  If you see me, ask me what I'm looking at.  If I give a blank stare... laugh, and maybe I'll remember and maybe we can get a cup of coffee! ;)

Fifty days! 

Perhaps it's my Thai (expand: southeast Asian) upbringing or the core nerd-should've-been-a-math-major in me, but I attach special significance to numbers.  And so I figured today would be an interesting day to return to Xanga (and repent of my "only read others and maybe comment" leaching ways) and reflect. 

Fifty days ago I took a risk and asked a girl out. 

She said yes!  I was happy.

7x7weeks (+1) later and I find myself...happy! :)  yet still unable to articulate much beyond that (a humbling reality for someone who uses words so often to express himself).  Dare I try here in this open public space?

Because you see... I have signed on to the new digital reality where life is shared via web... and it wouldn't be fair to those whom I stay connected through the blogworld of Xanga not to write, express, share the primary happenings of my otherwise frenetic life. 

But I fear trying to express what is yet unexpressible lacking the prose and masterful word pictures and stories painted by my peers in this space.

'sigh' I let myself digress by asking questions I can not answer.  What can I say...

I am thankful, thankful to God for the gifts he has given me, and one this year has been a relationship with Sarah Huang!  Fifty days in, and still much is unknown.  But what I do know is that I am still happy and grateful, humbled and fearful, joyful and contemplative...

Dating forces me to see myself for what I am, often hiding behind other people's desires, unwilling to have expectations of others or myself, realizing (again and again) that what I call love and care is an inner drive to please others so that they like me. 

It encourages me to take risks, to let someone into my world in more intimate ways, to risk rejection. 

It gives me joy and excitement, and a new appreciation of an old friend.  Sarah has always been one of my favorite people to talk to, to discuss life, passions, frustrations, to pray with.  She has often been the target of my sarcasm, anger, spite and indecision.  We have fought more than most any of my other friends in my life.  Why i have been so lucky as to still have had a beautiful friendship and now romantic relationship with Sarah is amazing.

So I apologize for the late notice xanga friends, but here it is.  Hopefully you will all be hearing more soon!

For some reason I have avoided writing about Urbana in my Xanga blog.  I think I am scared of misrepresenting it by magnifying a part over the whole.  The opportunity to sit in the presence of God among over 20,000 like minded people is an awe-inspiring and humbling experience.  I wouldn't want to boil it down to any single element. 
    But I do want to share what God seemed to be pressing on my heart.  To begin from the end, I committed to going overseas for more than three years!  This decision came out of a desire that has been in my heart for a while.  I have always wanted to go back overseas and serve God living in a context that is not my own.  To go and introduce people to Jesus, who understands their experience better than any one could, who can bring transformation in their lives and in their communities in ways that no government program or human agency can. 
    However I was never sure if this was in God's will for my life.  I wondered if perhaps I was to stay in the United States.  I didn't want to subvert what God was doing.  However, I felt the freedom here to make a commitment and put that before God and have a dialogue with God in a new way!  it was  a very freeing and exciting commitment moment for me. 
    That said, one of the most memorable speakers was Oscar Muriu who is a pastor from Kenya.  He articulated the new rising global church in fresh, clear, and uncomfortable terms.  He challenged the 20,000 mostly american and western college students that perhaps they had something to learn from the thriving church in the two-thirds world.  That perhaps the theologies and theories of the west were impotent, if anything can be shown by the decline of the church in the west and the growth of the church in the Global south.  He challenged the students to come, to follow their calling, but to do so in postures of learning, with the goal of creating global interdependence, not independence.  It was a hard word, but it was exhilirating for me to hear that having grown up overseas.  It was a new and refreshing perspective that I had seen in the works since the last Urbana.  May the global church become the true global body of Christ!!!
Amen 

maybe more later...

December, the last of a string of four "--ber's" leading towards... a new year!  What happened to 2006?!?  When I look back on the year it is full of memories, jokes, tears, and all that other good stuff... but why so friggin fast?

My sister left for Thailand yesterday, this will be the second year I haven't been with my family for Christmas.  I know my mom would like me to be there.  I wonder when the next time will be?  This year I am going to Urbana 2006.  It's going to be in St. Louis, will the name change?  No... the name's an institution 60 years in the making.  My sense of anticipation of my time there is growing.  It isn't often the case that you get the chance to pause in life and join 20 thousand other individuals all giving God space to direct their lives.  It's a profound experience. 

less than two weeks to 07... who know's what is waiting in the year to come?