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This Christmas season got me thinkin': Who would win a hypothetical TV character showdown between Doogie and Urkel. My memories suggested to me that Doogie was far superior, he was a doctor and the TV show was named after him. But like a true historian, I decided that further research was needed. Could my memories have deceived me? Were Urkel's suspenders greater than Doogie's tennis shoes? In an attempt to come out with a clear winner I put their attributes against each other in separate categories
Attractiveness and their ability with the opposite sex
For this category you simply cannot count when Urkel transformed himself into Stefan. Doing so would compromise the integrity of this study. While Doogie's looks would have definitely never gotten him a role on Beverly Hills 90210, he was a fine looking young kid. It is important to remember that Doogie had a girlfriend, Wanda, for the majority of the show. The big event came when Doogie turned 18 and he and Wanda lost their virginity together. Urkel is a different story. He makes Doogie look like a heterosexual version of Tom Cruise. Urkel was always a few moves away from a restraining order being filed by Laura Winslow. The websites I have read tell me that towards the end of the series he and Laura actually got together. Oddly, me and probably the rest of the population do not remember such a thing. Quite frankly, I choose to not remember such a thing. Advantage: Doogie
Supporting Cast
Make-believe TV characters are only as good as the fake people around them, thus the need for this topic. Doogie: He had his faithful sidekick Vinny, who spent the entire series being as horny as an elk during mating season. The Dr. and Mrs. Howser, I can just imagine the writer's working on the script before the show started, "okay, we have the 15 year-old kid be a doctor, but I think we need a something else just to put it over the top." (some other dude says) "I know we'll make his dad a doctor too, that way the can get into arguments at the hospital and it will be cool 'cause they are father and son." The Other Hospital Staff: They are friends of Doogie's, except sometimes they get jealous 'cause he's young. Don't measure very high on the importance meter. Urkel: Carl Winslow, one website compared the Urkel and Carl relationship to that of Abbot and Costello. I would like to simplify it: Urkel did dumb things, these things upset Carl. However, Carl and Urkel would always end up being friends because Carl would feel bad when Urkel was offended by him. The moral: abusive people will eventually feel bad and stop being abusive for awhile. At least that's what I learned when I watched every friday. I will not spend any time writing about the rest of the cast because historians have the right to skip over any information they want. Advantage: Tie
Intelligence
This topic is vital to this debate. You have a 15-year old doctor and a kid who once cloned himself. My head is exploding just thinking about these two. Here is Doogie's list of achievements: graduate of Princeton, a doctor of medicine, once delivered a baby in a shopping mall, made the finals of a national quiz show, taught a safe-sex class before having sex himself, and has given public service announcements. Urkel's achievements: made a robot of himself, built a jet pack that propelled him through the roof of a Chicago home all the way to Wisconsin and the set of ABC's "Step by Step", created a potion to turn into a more attractive version of himself called "Stefan", and later cloned himself to make for a permanent Stefan. While Doogie Howser excelled quite well in the area of Science, it is apparent that Steve Urkel's inventions have gone far beyond that of science. For this reason, Advantage: Urkel
Conclusion
This is the most ridiculous study I have ever conceived. I desperately need to go back to school so my mind has no reason to wander this far off course. However, until that time I will continue to debate things that have no bearing on the world around me. Be certain that the shows, "Growing Pains" and "Full House" will enter the blog at some moment. As for this debate, each person needs to choose for themself. I must take Doogie Howser, he and I have a close relationship. |
