I feel old. We're not supposed to feel old right now. We're supposed to have our whole lives ahead of us.

I went to see a friend tonight. I have been worried about her. I could feel that she needed someone to talk to. I walked in and she smiled, but it was a forced smile. "How 'bout a Jack and Coke" she shouted from the kitchen. I laughed and took the drink with gratitude. I could tell I was going to need it. We sat and chatted for a while about nothing. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "Let's talk about something happy first." We talked about our boyfriends, her last day of work, the friends we love to laugh at, and then it was time. She tried to hold back her tears as the words came out ever so slowly. "My heart is failing", she said softly. "I'm on the list for a transplant, but I don't know if I'll make it in till then." Silence. I'm thrown into a world of darkness where nothing makes sense, and I have difficulty breathing. The feelings of protection that I have for her rise up more than ever. How can you protect someone from the only sure thing in life? I know you can't, but I'll keep trying anyway. Suddenly the Jack and Coke is my best friend and I hope the poison will dull my emotions. Thoughts swirl through my mind like a babbling brook.

We begin to chat merrily again. A wedding picture comes out. I begin thinking about my own, and how much I want her to be a part of it when it hits me like a concrete wall: she won't be there. She won't see my children. She won't pick up the phone when I call. I'm going to lose her. I'm losing her.   

10 years ago: I was almost nine. My mom was pregnant with Providence. I was a complete brat, but starting to get over it. I had just found out where babies come from and it freaked me out like nothing else!

5 years ago: I was 13. In love with any boy that would talk to me. I had just started choir (if only I had known where that would take me). I tried to be fasionable and was failing miserably.

1 year ago: I was 17. I was horribly confussed and madly in love with Daniel Schlegel. I decided I wanted to be journalist. I started working at a political office down town. I was starting to become comfortable with myself.

5 things I love:
Talking to old friends
being kissed
singing
driving with the windows roled down
dancing

5 people I love:
God
my mom
my sister
Gary
Joanna

5 songs I love:
Band on the Run
Time of Your Life
Work
Fast Car
Come What May

5 places I want to go:
Brazil
Argentina
Spain
Italy
England

Wow. My life is literally flying by. I don't even know what to post. I'm happy to inform you all that I am still in one piece (just barely). God is good. 

I'm so busy. I think I'm the busiest person I know. School and work are all consuming. I wish I was consumed with something I loved more. I'm taking my first journalism class and it's great. Thing that has inspired me to write the most recently is the crazy and somehow intriguing show "Sex in the City". I know you are all thinking how evil I am, but really, the main character in the show has her own column and hearing her writing has inspired me to write. Not on the same topic of course. Anyway, that's me for now. Pray that I the perseverance to get up every morning.

Love.