You ask me if I love you And I choke on my reply Id rather hurt you honestly Than mislead you with a lie And who am I to judge you In what you say or do Im only just beginning To see the real you
Romance and all its strategy Leaves me battling with my pride But through all the insecurity Some tenderness survives Im just another writer Still trapped within my truth A hesitant prize fighter Still trapped within my youth
At times Id like to break you And drive you to your knees At times Id like to break through And hold you endlessly At times I understand you And I know how hard you try I watched while love commands you And Ive watched love pass you by At times I think were drifters Still searching for a friend A brother or a sister But then the passion flares again
And sometimes when we touch The honesty's too much And I have to close my eyes and hide I want to hold ya till I die Till we both break down and cry I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides
Happy b-day to me! Nothing really much to say as words cannot expres my thanks and gratitude-especially for the cake, that was pretty sweet...THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I was seriously, and really touched that you guys remembered. Never was a really a fan of my own bday, but i guess you guys proved me wrong. :D
As all of you might or should know, i am a very insecure man. like my shadow- where i appear, pessimism is not far behind.
I never really liked letting my feelings take control of my life. But like the cascade effect, after holding it back, my despair and melancholy suddenly ignites. I get really vulnerable, and weak, and even tho i can bounce back, i need that helping hand.
I know this does not constitute being promiscuous or whatever, but in the end of the day, what a player really wants is someone to be there for them. Even if it is just for the night. Even is it only physical. that is where all of you came in. whether it be for the night, for a few months, or for a few years, you helped me stand up. you helped me get back on my feet. you showed me that i was worthwhile afterall.
And with that, i give you my greatest gratitude.
This is what i look in a girl, How pitiful it may seem, i just need someone there for me. Contrary to belief, i do not like people answering to my beck and call, dont you think i ever had girls like that before? It annoys me and disgusts me. But what i do need, is there for you to be there for me. When my skies turn grey, all i need is you to say- you'll be there. If you need me too, ill be there- and you know that. Its a choice, not a requirement. if you do not comply, it is fine. its always fine. but dont blame me if i get dissapointed, cause i will, and im sure you know that. each time you let me down, there is damage, there are cracks. My perception of you is shaped by only yourself. I do not care if there is no reasoning or justice in how i look at you, you cannot change my point of you. My presence flows like sand, you can hold me, but if u do not grasp me, clench me tight, im going to seep through those cracks.
i have told you many times that i dont need much, heck, i dont even need to be on top of your list, but sometimes, maybe just sometimes, can i jump the queue and be no.1? when i desperately need you. when im shattered in pieces, can you please put me back together. cause if you don't, it doesnt matter. But dont mind me if i look for someone who cares, let it be 1 year, 1 month, 1 week, or 1 night, for me, they are there. and thats all that really matters. i swear.
When girls asks "Are you drunk" , does it translate to: "do you want to sleep with me?"
let me rephrase this. If a girl sitting from the table across asks to move her bag from her table to your table and asked you to call her since her phone is missing and she kindly replies i dont do this to get guys' phone numbers (but then clearly contradicts this later from phoning me later on in the night asking where i am) then asks to dance, and when we dance, she asks, "are you drunk? (when i'm as sober as mickey mouse)" does that roughly translate into "do you want to sleep with me?"
well the answer to that is, "clearly not"
(P.S. on the side, i also get the same "notion" when girls ask me how old i am after a very nice session of mingling and a couple of drinks)
so why is it when we grow up, after 1 generation, that girls are so easy? I dont know if its jsut hong kong, or maybe the guys i hang out with are super players, but people seem to get hooked up way too fast and way too soon... i appreciate the efficiency, but it kinda is a grim wakeup call to regular stable relationships everywhere.
i have a lot of girl friends (as people claim), and since most are mostly friends, i usually put them in the category, "hot and fun but is not a skank and has a healthy relationship with her bf", but once they break that rule and act skankasaurus at the club, it makes me really disgusted...
what really shocks me is that when i meet a girl i presume is innocent, but turns out to be the sluttiest of them all... and girls who seemed super slutty, had like.. 1 bf in their life.
so starting from 2007, i will assume all girls are sluts until proven innocent :)
**TOPIC OF THE NEW YEAR: STDs
DISCLAIMER : as not to offend anyone, what im trying to say is not not not that everyone's a slut. lets coin another term for this, since you dont go all the way, but still whore yourself around first-base, lets call you "first-base whores". i think is what im trying to say, is that the world's perception on relationships and physical expression has greatly "matured". I am an old fashion'ed guy, with old fashion morales. with constant exposure to sex and that witchcraft show called sex and the city, it has been assumed that is okay for girls to throw themselves onto guys whenever they please. this may work for white girls, and yes i know most of you studied abroad, but that still makes you chinese. and a central motif of chinese culture, is "pureness." I mean, i dont even expect anyone to be a virgin before marriage, but now you girls are overdoing it. Believe me, i have had my fair share of fooling around, and I'm not saying im the best guy out there. But that being said, neither are you. So don't go messing around and saying you are the queen of the crop. Cause you're not. I have nothing against first-base whores (most of my friends are one, and i have also had my fair share of that pie), just admit you are one and get on with your life. Just don't mind me or get offended if I judge and classify you as a (first base) whore, cause that's what you are.
the one thing i hate the most are ppl (first base) whoring themselves around, but then try to portray themselves as innocent and pure, justifying urself with lame excuses.. You simply disgust me.
As people come and go, leaving footsteps and dents on your road to life, you sometimes wonder, was it an act of fate that brought us together?
Bluntly speaking, people usually hang wth each other out not because they're friends, but because they are there at the right place at the rigth time and offer the right things. So roughly speaking, you can say its fate.
Say, I'm in vancouver, you're in vancouver, we both like XBOX, so we hang out. Simple as that. We say B.F.F but why cant friendship endure a different city, a different time?
When most ppl emigrate back to hk, youll find that your hangout "buddies" are dispersed and segregrated into different groups. Theres a big mixup. you hang out with ppl u would never hang out before. Sure, you would have a few friends that might still be your hangout buddies, but overall i know no1 who studies abroad, hangs out in a group, but when they come back, hang out with the same people. the definition of cool is different in cities. friends change, just cause its convenient to do so. I don't need to care about your feelings, cause you're disposable as yesterday's paycheque.
Just something i've been thinking about for awhile. cause lots of friends have been touching on this subject. i guess its just hard to find real friends these days- As the farther you move up in life, you got to build bridges to cherish the ones you have.
(kat's bday, doesnt really have to do with the above subject, just had no pictures to post :))
