"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greaterpart of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."
-Martha Washington
Here I am, Lord. I just want to serve you.
You know, it's all about what's inside. Yesterday seemed so bleak. I felt overwhelmed and stresses out about all the things going on and about what will happen in the future. "Will I be accepted into medical school? Will I get this job? Will I be good at this job? How will I pay for the class I need this semester? How am I going to get that slideshow ready before Sheena's wedding? When will I have time to spend with a doctor? How will I ever provide for my family? Will I be a good daddy? What are we going to do about money? ..."
...yeah, I was feeling pretty overwhelmed. I had been working on my medical school application, and reviewing some guidelines for a possible new job. I felt sick in the pit of my stomach with a feeling of restlessness. I've often had to take short walks in the woods to cool off and breath. To quote the plaque on my wall:
There is a path that leads through the woodland~
a path I love to trod
To get away from this wild world's rush
and be alone with God
So yesterday, when I felt I could take no more, I stepped out into the front yard. There waiting for me was a cool but sunny day and a variety of pretty little flowers who seemed content just to flow with the breeze. I stood staring at God's creation, taking it for granted, when God reminded me of how much I usually appreciate the beauty of His creation. I realized that the day was really no different from any other day of the preceding week or year. There was beauty all around me, but I did not have the eyes to see it. It is amazing how different the same world can look to one person of varying emotions. I realized that how I see things relies on me and what's inside me. That's when I felt God reminding me that no matter my carnal emotion, He is inside me. There is nothing like feeling overwhelmed by His love.
So little in this world actually matters. The outcome of any situation matters little when you realize that the reason you are here, the reason for anything you do is to serve and give glory to Him.
I hope that makes sense. Sometimes it's almost embarrassing how many times God has to remind me of my purpose and of His love. But then, I am only human, and He is a big God.
Bless you,
Nej
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