nellynel01's Xanga

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 23:31:53 GMT

me and dan were in the brink of destruction this past week (i know, right?).. it was tough. After all the puffy eyes we went through we are all good again. this is the reason why couples get into fights, so they can know more about each other and in the process become stronger than before. thank god.

anyway, i need to start packing. just bought 3 big boxes. i hate packing. i still cant believe that i am leaving for st. louis this thursday. it still hasn't hit me. 7 weeks is really long. but it will be a good 7 weeks. alot of new fresh starts when i come back. But.. im kinda excited to go now because after all this school work i did im going back to the place where i become a party animal. this is going to be sweet! My friend Danielle already called me about a huge keg party that my friend David is throwing. Great to reunite with people i haven't seen in a long time. Oh yeah, and can't forget about the family. Im excited to see them in person and not through my web cam! Family trips, partying, getting fat, doing absolutely nothing.. here i come!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 03:28:11 GMT

ive been having thoughts latley. thoughts of fear and uncertainty. ill be graduating in a about a year. All ive known has been college for about 5 years and childhood before that. the thought of becoming an adult is really starting to kick in and the feeling of uncertainty has overcome me.am i gonna get a good job? after college am i going to stay in hawaii or move back home? what is going to happen with my amazing relationship if i do move? what if i stay and i wont be able to afford an apartment if i stay in hawaii? things of that nature. mostly im concerned about finding a great ass paying job, with that comes everything else. im really hoping... but im scared shitless.

to be continued. gotta go see bf.

here to stay.

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 02:20:18 GMT

summer school is not bad at all. i have 2 classes with the same teacher. she is quirky and funny. i just dont like this having to study thing and write 2 papers. 3 more weeks of school left and i have a long 7 week break ahead of me! whoohoo.

gonna see my family July 4th! yippyyyy.

his parents got orders to leave September for Phoenix, AZ.. ...he's decided to stay here with me instead. =)

summer is turning out great ; )

things that need to be said.

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 17:57:44 GMT

i looked up to you when i was growing up.
now that im older and understand... you might be successful but i pitty your life.

i feel like you are going to weigh me down in the future but i love you and thats all that matters.

i hate this feeling of uncertainty between you and I. Tell me now so i dont have to waste my energy.

i am going to buy you a louie bag when i get my first pay check, you deserve it.

im glad our friendship has lasted this long. i am truly blessed to have you in my life. i dont know if you know this but you are my soul mate.

i will never forget what you did to me when i was little.
everytime i see you i get flashbacks and i get angry at my parents for not confronting you.

i hate that you are so use to me being there for you, you push me to the side when you want to because you know that i will be there no matter what. stop taking me for granted.

you make me feel so humble. when i say i love you i really do mean it. thank you for being my friend. when im with you sometimes i wonder if i chose the right person.

even though we had a falling out and we are not talking. please know that you are still my family and i still care. i wonder if you do?

i hated you when i was little. i prayed that you die because i was so scared of you. i forgive you, but i will never forget what you did to me. thank you for changing.

she gave her life to you, she takes care of you, without her there we would not be living the way we are. i want you thank her and make her feel appreciated after all these years. Even though i love doing it, i hate the fact that its because i am just filing in for you.

im afraid that i will not be successful financially. i want so much to take care of both of you. you mostly. but i know i will be because you are my motivation.

im glad we are closer. im sorry for being the teenager that i was.

i dont know if you remember this, probobly not but i took advantage of the fact that you didnt talk yet. I made it so you stole it and you got in trouble. I look back and regret what i did. please forgive me...cause i cant forgive myself. you are my heart.

you make me feel left out. i hate you for this.

i hate that i depend on you so much. but i hate that fact you depend on me so much too.

you make me think twice sometimes but when we are together nothing else in the world matters. i love you so much.

i hate that we arnt friends anymore, i miss it more then anything in the world. But i dont regret what i did because if i didnt do it we wouldnt be where we are today. we are both happy.

it bothers me so much because i know you will be so much more finacially successful then i will be.

i will die of sadness if something were to happen to you. why does dying have to be a part of life?

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sat, 31 May 2008 23:21:24 GMT

omfg. speechless.
sry babe. haha.

you are my motivation & inspiration

Sun, 11 May 2008 06:28:57 GMT

i hate being broke, so broke that i have to use my credit card.. which NEVER happens
literally no money whatsoever thanks to UH. fuck u school.
thank you bf for holding me up, especially this past week.
& thanks for telling me,'im the one' =)

schools over, kinda. 1 final & paper.
finally passed COM class, thank god.
dont take hippensteele, ever. she's a beast.
one more year to go.

i am craving crab & lobster
what would i do without sea food? prob die.
i want to go to Todai seafood buffet, but its like 18-20ish a person?
again.. fuck u school.
i really do want to eat healthy, i just dont know where to start.
thanks to KFC for the billion calories you gave me today.
& i really have no motivation to work out.

tomorrow is mothers day.
2nd year in a row im not with mommy, i hate this.
have fun at harrahs stuffing your face.
i wish my dad was romantic, cause he's not.. at all. i dont think he knows how.
without me buying her flowers or making my sister get her some cause im not home-- she would have nothing.
she deserves the best, and all i can afford is a card.. a homemade card.
dont worry mom, when i land that great job.. you dont have to work ever again, your going shopping all day & purchase that louie bag you always wanted but never could afford, cause you think about your family first. You will finally reunite with your family in the Philippines and travel back and forth all you want without having to worry about money, promise.
hopefully one day id be half of the mother you have been to us.

you are my motivation & inspiration. i love you, mom.

you win some, you lose some

Tue, 06 May 2008 09:08:02 GMT

i hate when you put effort into being someones friend and all they do is ignore you or act like you dont exist.
i hate when people judge you for something you did wrong and say that its forgiven and forgotten but really its not. especially for things that you never meant to do.

i guess there are people you get along with and there are people that you dont. you win some you lose some. oh well.

other than that....
school is almost over. no more 7 page papers, 1 more paper but its no more then 5 pages.. no biggie. summer session 1 commences after a week break, im not worried.. its gonna go by fast.
im really starting to hate the school's housing office, very inconsiderate and charge you up the ass.. all at once.
going home for 7 weeks, very happy about that but at the same time very sad, havent been away this long from bf.
started talking to the family from the philippines through yahoo chat and webcam. havent seen them for 8 years. its very heart warming... especially for my mom.

did you hear that all the airlines are going to charge your second bag 50 bucks? not only do they jack up the prices of the airline tickets, they find some other way to charge you up the ass... like your bags. oh and did i mention that the planes are going to fly slower? so.... pay more, to get charge more and get to your destination slower.... great.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 07:38:36 GMT

should i go home this summer or make 2,000?!?!?!

pros/cons to make to staying
pros:
-$2,000 which would help me finacially
- only $100 for this class
- counts as WI upper division and OC

Cons
-not seeing my family
-paying another 650ish for housing that i dont have
- yet another year with no break

pros/cons to going home
pros:
-seeing my family
-eating moms food
-taking a long needed break from school, this is my toughest semester to date.

cons:
-no $2,000
-not getting my last WI out of the way
-not seeing my family
-not eating my moms food
-no break for me, yet again.
- $790 for plane ticket

What do to??!?!? help/advice?!?!?!?!

one month of school left! so close yet so far..
all the homework and papers, projects are comming to me all at once, and its pretty much all do the same time.
I have... two 7 page papers for history & Sexualitys, a 5 page paper on project summer for sexualities, 2 page paper for project summer for COM, Project on gays in the military for Sexualities, Project on music as a communication for COM, my com midterm on wed, 3 books to read. On top of all this.. im sick =(
this is the hardest semester!! thats i want to go home, so i can take a break! a break that ive never had since i started college.. i always took summer school! im already taking first sesssion. Now that i want to take a break i get offered this awesome job that i would make 2 grand on which could help me so much! =((((( HELP and i need it soon because if i dont end up taking the job i have to buy my plane ticket soon. The cheapest i found was 790, the price stayed as is for 3 days now.. but its not going to last that long. aaaaaaaahhh.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 07:52:11 GMT

this past weekend i experienced something that i havent felt in a while. The single life. No, me and dan did not break up.. never! he is still in South Padre-- well STL now. Anyway, i went to this really big party down at the beach on friday, i shouldve put a sign on my back and front stating where dan is because im sure i repeated it about 20x. i guess people just dont ever see me in public without him, i usually am with him, unless in school. Anyway, thats besides the point.. the point is that i got hit on alot, haha. it felt great that boys still notice me. For the first time in two years i wished i was single and i despised myself for even thinking that way, especially the next morning. He woke me up this morning and i started tearing up because i miss him so much and it just made me realize how lucky i am to have somebody like him. I cant believe i thought that way and that i even had a hard time resisting the temptations, dont worry i did not do anything. But I guess its just human nature to feel that way especially after being in a relationship for a long time. Face it, girls love attention. Anyway I still told him him my feelings and that i hate myself for thinking that way even if it was just for one night. I asked him if he had any temptations, he said yeah he did just like any other guy would but it never crossed his mind to do anything that would damage our relationship. =) That call just reassured how deep our relationship really is. Never again would i even think about jepordizing what i have with him, ever.

3 days till spring break. =)

I despise writing papers

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 04:08:34 GMT

School is kicking my ass, big time. I just got done writing a 5 page paper on the weekend and now I have a 7 page paper along with a proposal for my sexualities project due next week tuesday on top of a oral exam and a project for my communication class that i need to start on. I called in sick all this week so i can do my homework. Im so burnt out already and we havent even reached midterm yet. So burnt out that I got a 64% on my french test. its ok, i guess its just one test. But.. i have to keep focus!!! I need to pass my communications course, i would kill myself if I have to take it all over again, again. but im def ready for spring break and the incubus concert!

Dan is leaving me tomorrow for STL =( He hasnt been there in two years! Hes going to be so cold with all the snow thats been falling! He's going to be gone for 3 week. 1 weeks in South Padre with his boys and 2 weeks in STL. Im going to miss him sooo much. He gave me a shirt that i can sleep with so i can smell his scent whenever i want to, how thoughtful.. haha. i love him. ok back to french homework, blah.