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| the futurewhat is the future? how should I know? I know some of what I am suposed to do, but not everything in it's entirety. I know some things, but there are also some unknowns. too many? how do I figure them all into the equation anyway? do I ask this person their opinion about this or that? I can pray, but what is that anyway? what do I do all day? walk around saying things which appear to make the most sense? judge other people by how I believe other people judge me? why am I so self critical? is it because I know someone else will do that if I do not do it first? yeah, probably. but how do I know the truth? is it something I believe or something I trust? who do I trust? who do I run away from in fear? didn't God give me a spirit to conquer all my fears? so what am I afraid of? failure? no I have failed plenty of times! fear itself? I do not think so! so what is my problem then? | | |
| pridePRIDE MOTIONED TO HIMSELF IN A MIRROR AND HE THOUGHT DEEPLY. HE SOON REALIZED HE WAS ONLY MAKING MOTIONS BECAUSE HE WANTED TO EXEMPLIFY HIS POINT. IT COULD HAVE BEEN THE WAY HE WAS STANDING OR THE WAY HE WAS GESTURING. EVEN THOUGH HE WAS UNDERSTANDING THE PURPOSE, HE SOON DISCOVERED THAT THE ONLY PURPOSE IT WOULD SERVE WOULD BE TO MAKE THE POINT, HE WAS WANTING TO EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE ELSE, TO HIMSELF, BUT HE ALREADY UNDERSTOOD THE POINT. HE STILL FELT THE NEED TO PRACTICE, HOWEVER. HE ASKED HIMSELF ALOUD, " SHALL I THEN PURSUE THE SAME CAREER AS YOU? " BUT IN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT VOICE. HE HEARD THE VOICE, BUT IT WAS ALTOGETHER NOT AS THOUGH HE WAS TALKING TO HIMSELF, IT WAS LIKE SOMEONE ELSE WAS TALKING. " REASONABLY " HE RESPONDED. TO THIS THE MAN, OR PRIDE RATHER, LAUGHED, BUT PRIDE THEN REALIZED, WASN'T TRYING TO BE FUNNY. PRIDE THEN ACTED OUT THE SCENE WHILE PRETENDING TO LISTEN TO DIALECT THAT HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND. AFTER THE INVISIBLE MAN LEFT, PRIDE SAID OUT LOUD, " SO TRUE " " SO TRUE " HE REPEATED THIS TO HIMSELF FOR SOME TIME THINKING TO HIMSELF THAT HE WISHED THE MAN HAD HEARD HIM SAY THIS. HE PLAYED THE CONVERSATION IN HIS MIND. HIS SAYING DIDN'T SEEM TO FIT PROPERLY NOW. ALTHOUGH, JUST MOMENTS BEFORE, IT SEEMED TO FIT PERFECTLY. HE WONDERED WHY THIS WAS. " PERHAPS " , HE THOUGHT, " SINCE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR SUCH A LONG PERIOD, IT SEEMED TO BECOME MORE AND MORE INSIGNIFICANT. " HE FOUND THAT THIS OCCURED WHEN HE WOULD PONDER WORDS OR COMMON PHRASES FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD. TO THIS HE LAUGHED AND FINALLY AWOKE FOR MORNING. AS HE SAT AT WORK, HE WOULD SOMETIMES " CHECK OUT " FEMALES. PRIDE WOULD CATCH HIMSELF " LOOKING OUT THE DOOR " AND IF HE FOUND A CERTAIN FEMALE APPEALING HE WOULD " SIT UP " AND " WATCH " FOR THEM WHEN THEY WOULD CONTINUE WALKING AND HE COULD SEE THEM AGAIN. FOR THERE WAS A SECTION OF A BUILDING THAT WOULD PREVENT HIM FROM " WATCHING " THEM FOR TOO LONG. AFTER THIS THOUGHT, HIS DAD CAME UP TO HIM IN HIS DAD'S BOOTH. HIS DAD HAD COME TO " RELIEVE " HIM. PRIDE VISITED WITH HIS DAD AND THEN TOOK A " BREAK ". HE WALKED OUTSIDE AND REALIZED HE WAS AT A FAIR. HE KNEW THIS, BUT SEEING IT CAUSED HIM TO REMEMBER. HE THEN WALKED THROUGH SOME " COMMERCIAL TENTS " WHERE VENDORS SOLD THEIR MERCHANDISE. HE LOOKED AT PEOPLE AND SAID YHINGS TO THEM. HE FOUND THAT HE SAID THINGS AND THEN WAITED FOR THEIR RESPONSE. HE WAS TALKING, SO HE COULD TALK SOME MORE. HE THEN PASSED THE " VENDORS " AS HE STARED. SO THE " VENDORS " WOULD ALL BE SMUDGEY AND DISTORTED. AFTER HE WALKED OUTSIDE OF THE LAST TENT HE HEARD MUSIC, THE VOCALIST'S WORDS, HE COULD NOT UNDERSTAND. HE THOUGHT THIS IS WHY HE LIKED THE MUSIC. PRIDE THEN WONDERED IF THE " ARTIST" HAD DONE THIS PURPOSELY, OR BECAUSE THE VOCALIST KNEW WHAT HE HAD SUNG, HE UNDERSTOOD IT. HE THEN WENT INTO A RESTROOM AND BEGAN TO URINATE. AS HEWALKED OUT HE DRIED HIS HANDS UNDER A " BLOW DRYER " THERE WERE THREE OF THEM AND THE FIRST ONE WASN'T WORKING AS FAST AS PRIDE THOUGHT IT SHOULD. HE THEN PRESSED THE SECOND ONE AND STOPPED AT THE THIRD. HE PRESSED THE BUTTON. NOTHING. HE PRESSED IT SEVERAL MORE TIMES. NOTHING. HE THEN NOTICED THE SIGN WAS UPSIDE-DOWN. HE WONDERED IF THIS WAS WHY IT DIDN'T WORK. AS HE LEFT, HE SAW THE WORD " NEM ". AS HE LEFT HE SAW A FELLOW " WAITING " BY A PAY PHONE. HE MADE A MENTAL NOTE " TO CALL THIS PHONE WHEN HE GOT HOME. " AS HE PASSED VENDORS FOR CARNIVAL GAMES, HE NOTICED THEY SELDOM BECONED HIM INTO THEIR GAME, BUT THEY WOULD OFTEN TIMES CALL " GROUPS " OF PEOPLE. HE WONDERED IF THIS WAS BECAUSE HE WAS ONE PERSON, OR BECAUSE HE WAS HIMSELF. PRIDE WONDERED, " PERHAPS IF I WERE SOMEONE ELSE, I WOULD BE CALLED UPON. " | | |
| this is funnywhat are we supposed to do? no I mean seriously, who tells us when to do things and when not to do things? our own selves? our own minds? is this the fact or the fiction? how do I know what to do? I would like to think that the Creator and me are tight like that and I have the inside source on what is really going on. Who knows? maybe I do.
who is the truest gangsta? what is the definition of a gangsta? or gangster, if you prefer. what will happen in this world? how the fuck should I know? I have my knowledge but it will get me into eternal bliss and heaven come tomorrow or yesterday for that matter, and in the end, when ever that is, what will make the most sense? doing drugs? and what is that? a group of people getting together for the soul purpose of gaining insight through talking and communicating? how is that different than church? other than people not attempting to act as hypocrites.
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| what to saythis is so weird I did not even want to do this it always happens to me like something taking over my body and causing the transpiration of events to transpire I need someone to complete me, but who and how? what is wrong w/ my memories? why do I imagine the things that aren't true instead of focusing on the things that are true? Why do I think that life is a game? or do I? maybe I just do what I feel like doing @ different moments rather that doing the correct thing I do something totally off and that wouldn't even make sense for me to do. I know what to do, and I know I can actually do it. I know I can think through the things in my life that have caused me real pain and real suffering. I can remember the good times and the bad w/ out needing to escape reality I can face reality. b/c reality is good and I know the answers I just need to stop running away from the truth.
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| I will not give this your name facetheir are nothing from your was time into the form as vision of plural is that even a complete sentence i will remember to worry about it on the morrow fruit and berries whoopsie i almost changed my identity fabulous intricate intraspecific with the members of auspicious aulic communities do I need to be more self-sustaining? and what does that even mean?should I allow creative forces to unite against me? or should I join them against prejudice, evil content(motivations, harmful effects ) generalization and violence ( unnecessary ) Possessions: I could join a cult/commune where they do not own possessions People are waiting for me to fuck up again. there are my parents, I should join the Marines or become a ninja, that would make them happy once and for all. There is my cousin Dave who I thought was cool, but proved himself not to be. I realize my uncle had to say some of that bullshit just because of who he is. There are my blood brothers and sisters. Who knows how they view me now that I am living w/ them and my parents. I choose to remember the good times, but what were those? today was good, I went to work and did some productive shit around tha crib, know what I am sayin'?
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