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Friday, June 20, 2008

Fear

Lately I've noticed myself being unreasonably afraid of everything.
Well, maybe reasonably, but just a few short months ago I wasn't worried about anything at all. I truly was pretty content with my life. I was soo unbelievably happy to have friends, friends that were there for me not because they felt incredibly sorry for me but because they felt incredibly sorry for themselves. I felt free. I didn't have a care in the world. I knew the purpose of being a....
And, just as I am writing this complete load of crap, I hear a song. A song I remember and one that I have not heard in many years, except for in my dreams. The first song I remember ever hearing. One tear appears in my eye and flows down quietly. I remember. I remember! This is who I am. I'm that child who buries herself in the autumn leaves and jumps out to scare passerbys. And stuff like that.
Life's ok. Life's all we have. We're here because we're here. So why not relax and enjoy the feeling of the wind on our skin? The chirp of the crickets? The sunset that is so guddam beautiful it makes you want to jump out of the window? Love life. Always.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I have this friend who, like many other concerned friends and citizens, thinks that there is something wrong with me. Now, there would be nothing wrong with that if I was suicidal or addicted to heroin or something like that, but the thing is I'm not. The problem she has with me is my sense of humor. Because apparently I don't have one.
You see, my friend's sense of humor consists of taking a long ish, penis-shaped object and pretending to suck it. Like a blow job. I somehow don't find that funny. Do you? Probably. I'm behind the times. Which is sad, because I am the youth of America.
The problem I have with my friend is that she is A) always taking jokes and insults literally and B) trying to change me. Is that something a true friend does? and um like C) the little things and it's like... is this what a bestfriendship IS?
Maybe we know each other too well to be best friends. Could that be it? Is it possible that we're more like sisters than best friends because we're thrust together so much that maybe we don't really mesh? And I wrote this down. Why did I write this down? It just makes the problem real.

Monday, June 16, 2008

I haven't been on here in years

Well, more like months. And considering how many chapters of my life I've anonymously chronicled in xanga, that is a lot of missed chronicles.
So. Dates. What constitutes a date (not the food)? Or I suppose that for some people, a date is their food. But. That's for another day.
He likes me. Stick boy fessed up. He likes me. He likes me! But what next? I mean. I don't knoww.
I guess you get to know each other physically and have babiez, right?
Wrong. No babies for me. HA.
But I feel empty inside lately. I really do. And I've also developed a lot of acne, thanks to all the sweating I've been doing this summer. (sweating because I was sitting on the un AC-ed couch eating hot fries, not because I've been working hard and exercising)
So all in all, I feel like my life's wasting away here. Stick boy may like me.... but what happens next remains to be seen. Because, well if he likes me when I don't like myself, does he really like me? That is the question. I ponder and ponder. I should really stop pondering though, and go wash my face, because I need to at least try to get rid of all my new acne.
And fat. Sitting around eating nonstop has the weirdest side effects, including gaining weight like crazy.
I actually love paying attention to current events. I've started doing that lately. It makes me feel so smart, like I can have an intellectual conversation with any old intellectual and make a good point. The news may be wretched and depressing, but at least I know how nicely the apocolypse is coming along.

Monday, April 21, 2008

What's something about yourself that you hope will never change?

I hope that I never lose my openness to new ideas. I may not be the most receptive person in the world, but things always get through anyway. I've learned that the only constant thing in life is that it changes, and the type of person that I am changes with it.
Oh, and I hope I never lose my brain. That's where my intelligence lies . So do my memories, and without certain memories my life would be kind of crappy and, well, dry. And no one wants that. Well, I'm sure there's psychopaths that kind of want it, but I don't. Not for me. Not for anyone that doesn't want it.
It would probably help some people though, losing their memories. I wouldn't mind losing a few. Some one the painful ones, the ones that are a handicap. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but some of my experiences have only brought me shame and weakened me.

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Infatuation..

Sometimes I imagine that he likes me.

Talk about short and stumpy, lol.
It's been this way for 5 years now! Or 6? I don't remember. All I know is that I was just a child when I got hit by Cupid's Arrow, and I've been a delusional fool ever since.
I'm pretty positive that Cupid's Arrow hit me in the head and got lodged inside my brain somehow, because I sure as hell ain't getting any smarter.
Sometimes, I think about it so much that the pain of not having overcomes me and I start sobbing. Countless rivers I have cried over you, Oh My Tragic Little Boo.