so things have been pretty up and down throughout the last month.  the ups have been the two incredible frienships God blessed me with in monica and shelby.  i pretty much live at monica's because it's so much closer to work then my apartment and so do also her sister and two other guys we work with and the occasional shelby so we have this random make-shift "family" all living there, fighting over who gets the beds, couch, mattress, etc, who ate who's food, used the towels, made the current mess in the bathroom, etc.  it's funny because that many people living in a one two bedroom apartment (although the second bedroom belongs to monica and vicki's roommate who stays in her room and doesn't really come out) is pretty normal for disney employees because oh yeah, we get paid NOTHING.  i met shelby at thanksgiving and then again at christmas and liked her, but at work she wasn't one of the guards i fully trusted to be at a pool with, but this summer she's gotten loads better. wait i'm not really a snob like that, i liked her and hung out with her regardless, but it's nice that she's gotten better because people have stopped ragging on her all the time and are finally giving her credit for improving.  anyways, we started hanging out more too and the three of us are together outside of work, a lot and it's weird to go a day with out seeing each other either at work or away.

so at the beginning of july i had my one on one with keith and that was when he told me that they weren't gonna make me a coord, ok fine.  during that meeting through he promised me that i wouldn't have to worry about gettign hrs for the rest of the summer and that they were going to train me to be a pool attendent.  so skip ahead to this week when i still haven't been trained, and since i'm leaving in a month i know it's not going to happen.  then the schedule comes out and hey i'm scheduled only one day.  when i comment about this the coord, dan, goes "yeah but you're seasonal, waht do you expect?"  well when my manager has promised me hrs i expect them.  so today keith was in the arcade, (where oh yeah i've been teh whole month, i guard maybe once a week if i'm able to pick up a shift, every other week am i actually scheduled for a guard shift.), yeah so keith is in there and i ask him about the fact that i'm only scheduled for one day and he's like "yeah well i can't promise anything about thatm you know?  we have so many seasonal workers this summer, it's good you know? that we have more people then shifts for them."  ok question, why are you telling me that it's good to have so many people that you can't schedule me in?!  and hey, remember when you told me that i wouldn't have to worry about shifts?  yeah you promised me that.  and then i ask about the pool attendent training and he goes " yeah we were going to but then we needed to train some other people who are going to be sticking  around instead, so we never got around to you.  but again if you didn't go back to school this semester then we'd be getting you all this training.  or in jan you'll get all this training."  then he proceeded to talk about how they need pool attendents badly.  WHAT THE CRAP?!!!  he told me in june that i was on the schedule to be trained for pool attendent that it was going to be erik was trained, then tiffany and then me.  but instead they trained volly and went sorry katie we just don't have time for you.  look i know i'm seasonal but hey he PROMISED that training and what kills me is when i can point out weeks when no one was training in that position and he could have done it!  and i don't have enough hrs even though i'm trained both as a guard and in the arcade but he told shelby we didin't have enough arcade workers?!!!  there was a sheet of arcade overtime with a shift every day, THEN WHY WAS I ONLY SCHEDULED ONE DAY?!!!!!!

i'm so mad,  i feel like today was a  slap in the face, that he was saying, that no matter what i do, i don't count.  i don't believe him that i'll actually get trained for anything in january, why should i?  he's apparently been lying to me all summer.  and i feel like he's trying to manipulate me with the, "but if you would just stay...'s"  why would i put off my last semester?  i'm finally graduating in dec, which he knows and he's still like, if you stay here this semester you'll get this stuff.  yeah right.  i used to like keith, but uh yeah i can't say i have much respect for him anymore.  he keeps making promises and doesn't follow through, and i'm not the only guard he's been promising things to and not following through on.  if i wanted dishonesty from my leaders i'd stay at harding all the time.  people suck!

i don't know what i want to do when i graduate.  i feel like if i do the cruiseline i'll have a hard time finding a teaching job, but i don't know that i want to come back to all star, give me one good reason, why i should?  part of me wants to just go off and do some random crazy thing, i've done disney, what else can i now do?  i sort of wish that i could buy a pop up trailer and take a yr long road trip.  they were building this path in canada when we moved away that's supposed to stretch from one coast to the other and you could walk it, bike it with a motorcycle or regular bike, ride a horse, however you wanted except i think drive a car.  i want to do that.  just go, why not?  oh yeah no money, and besides i'd want someone to go with me and i can't think of anyone who would.

i don't want to go back to school in the fall, i wish i were done.  i wonder if i wasnt' going back if this summer, workwise anyways, would have been a lot different?

so things have gotten a lot better at work.  which is great!  God took care of me, i knew he would but i guess i needed a lot of reminding of that.  all the people that i'd been having problems with before i left i am now on great terms with and even friends with now.

so work stuff, i was only scheduled two days but on sunday my manager keith became aware of that and decided that on monday i would be officially trained in the arcade, this is pretty funny cause i've worked the arcade soooo many times already that there wasn't much stuff left for john to teach me, anything else to learn pretty much comes with experience.  anyways so keith had me work arcade monday and tuesday and then i picked up ben's shift on wed so i had a full 5 day week.  and then this week i was scheduled in the sports aracade twice and the i'm guarding the rest of the week.  my mom and little brother, jerome, get here on thursday to stay until july 3rd, um that should be interesting, pray about it hahahaha.

so the coordinator stuff, i heard it frome hector, dan dan (no joke that is what he prefers to be called so as not to be confused with the other daniel, hahaha, but he's a nice guy) and greg that i'm next, they'll be training me next, there is no doubt in anyone's mind.  yeah that's great hearing it from them, but i never heard it from any of my managers, and lets face it for me to be trained in time to actually be able to coordinate before the summer was up, i would have to be training right now, and that's not happening.  so yesterday i had my one on one meeting with keith and finally got up the guts to ask him about it and he said that they wanted to train me to coordinate, but because i'm leaving at the end of the summer, by the time they train me i would only have a few weeks to coordinate before i left.  i understand that, and it's ok, but it sucks because i'd been told "oh no it's you, you're next!" and i cant' be.  keith said that if i came to him and said hey i decided not to go back to school until jan then i'd be trained right now.  wow way to make me not want to go back even more!  but he also said that if i did decided to come back in jan after i graduated while i wait to find a teacher job that they would then train me also.  it would be ridiculously stupid of me to decide to put of graduating a whole other semester for something that i would get anyways if i came back in jan.  especially because i'd only be doing it for the right here and now, not for any future reasons, i just want to do something other then always guard, which i guess i am.  i'm now getting shcheduled for hte arcade, which is wicked boring, but still hrs!  and soon i'll be trained for pool attendant and then teh only thing left for me to be trained in would be coordinator.  i can wait.  i also told keith that i was thinking about doing cruiseline when i graduated and he wrote that down and said he'd look into it for me and let me know what i would need to do and stuff to apply for a job.

things are going good, nothing is going how i thought this summer would go hahahaha i pictured it as guarding all summer, making new friends and hanging out.  so far it's a plethora of different jobs at work, which is nice, some stress from trying to teach inservice at the last moment, but i'm learning how to do that hahaha. i am making friends, and i like them and the good times are happening.  i need to remember that this is now, and not last spring, it's going to be different, and that's good.

so funny story real quick.  we're at this library using the internet and this guy came over and was like hey i have a question i want to ask you, i was like um ok.  he was like well i'm taking this quiz and i can't figure this out and i'm thinking oh no, it's gonna be a math question. yeah it was something to do with fractions, i was like i'm really sorry but i had to take college algebra three times before i passed it.  i'm no good with math.  hahaha taylor was able to help him with it though hahahaha.  ok i'm off, i'm working at three, in the arcade with this guy named mitchell, from puerto rico.  he's nice, but.... eh he's a disney guy, in how many languages can you say sketchy?

except for you of course aaron!  hahaha 

please keep me in your prayers, i'm ever so slightly reeeeally stressing!  i thought this summer would be such an independent and stressfree summer and so far that's not happening.  over this last year people have told me that it would be a mistake to go back to disney this summer and work, i thought how?  it's a summer job, what's so wrong with going back?  the answer is that nothing is wrong with coming back, however i seem to no longer have hrs.

so normally we never have enough lifeguards, but apparently this summer is different, we have too many lifeguards.  now that the summer college programmers are here, and there are still the full timers, and for some reason lots of part timers and then me the seasonal we have too many guards, they told us last week that especially for us part time and seasonal we'll be lucky to get many hrs and i got a little panicky but figured it would all work out.  then wed and thurs came and i was told i was going to be made a relief coordinator, which means i'd be getting tons of hrs, but i was never told by a manager, just by hector and then after i passed my test to become an inservice leader all the other coordinators were like hey!! welcome to the team!  but maybe they just meant the whole inservice leader team.  anyways i'm home right now for my little brother's graduation and i checked my schedule online for next week and i'm not scheduled any hrs.  i keep hoping that maybe i'm on the print out schedule and it just didn't get put online, that maybe when i check on thursday, when i get back, i'll actually be training to be a coor next week.  the thing is, according to hector, i need to start training next week because i'm only going to be here for the summer, so it'd be dumb and not make sense to put it off.

i'm trying so hard to not stress about it and to just give it up to God, but it's so hard because i feel like i just put myself in a tough spot for the summer.  and there're no extra hrs i could pick up either in recreation at all, like even at the water parks or other resorts.  what i hate is that my dad is paying my cell phone bill for this month, and has been giving me gas money all week, he'll just slip it into my bag.  i really appreciate it, but this summer i wanted to be able to do it all on my own, i hate having to ask for help financially and now i have to.  if i end up not working next week then it'll be two weeks in a row that i don't work, i won't get another paycheck after this thursday until three weeks from now, here's hoping $400. can make it that long, i think it can, but with gas prices and just holy crap what am i doing to do all day?!

please keep me in your prayers, i know it'll all work out but i just really need that reassurance.  i've always had a hard time giving it all up to God, i know here's taking care of me, even if it's by my parents helping me out, and that just because it's not how i want something to be handled, doesn't mean he's forgotten i need help.

so we all know that i absolutely loved my disney college program a year ago.  we also all know that i've been looking forward to this summer working at disney and seeing it as kind of a repeat of last spring but with new people.  yeah that was dumb, this is completely different!

pretty much everyone who i knew  already before i came down for this time i get along with great!  we have fun, i trust three of them and like the rest.  everyone else i just dont' know.  i get along with the guys but there are these two girls that i feel like just don't like me, and i don't know why!  i think nichole doesn't like me because i made the mistake of hanging out with kirk, (who i've since decided is waaaaay too sketchy, but i'm not the only one who thinks this), and she and kirk are friends with benefits but she gets really jealous of stuff he does with other girls.  i have no idea why monica doesn't, if she doesn't.  it could be cause i got into it with her boyfriend the first time he and i worked together, but we're good now.  i don't know, and there's all this stupid drama of who slept with who and they keep bringing it to work which sucks!  at least i have tiffany, who is thankfully drama free, which is why she likes hanging out with me too hahaha we both try to stay out of it.

so we need coordinators reeeeeally bad right now.  i was talking to hecgtor, one of my coordinators, about it on wed and he said if i wanted he would throw my name out there for consideration.  he said that when with the managers he'd been throwing names out there and they'd been like no, no, no, but he hadn't put mine out there yet.  i didn't figure i could really qualify because even though i've been there a year, the majority of time i've worked there i was a CP and then i just come back every now and then on breaks, but hector said being seasonal qualified so...

so then on thursday i got to train this new guy and that required checking out his water skills.  so thiago, and his trainee and me and my trainee got in the water and did the skills check out (ps being the spinal victim when they are still unsure about backboarding HURTS!!!  and it was so awkward when they finally pulled me out cause my bathing suit had ridden up, the chest straps had pushed my boobs out giving mucho cleavage and then i looked over and there was my new manager reggie, jessica, and greg watching, not to mention of course thiago and the two trainees who were doing this. blah, oh well) so anyways we finish the skills and hector comes over, tells me that he threw my name out there to one of my managers, badru and that he loved it!  then since jeandy was there and he's an ellis instructor hector said they were going to make me an inservice leader because i needed to be one to be a coordinator and since jeandy was there they were going to do it NOW.  i started to freak a little because i've only had one water inservice since being back and i suck at underwater unconcious when the person's supposed to be at the bottom, but thankfully they didnt' go over that, our deepest part is 5 ft.  so greg and thiago where there with me and jeandy, greg was my victim, and htey kept being like ok dont' screw up!  if you fail this we're going to look so bad!  i was like ahhhh!!  then greg was like chill we're just messing with you, you're gonna do fine.  anyways i did pass and so now i'm an inservice leader.  hector drove me to the airport yesterday and while we were talking he said that when he had put my name out there to the  other inservice leaders and coordinators they all jumped on it and said it was a great idea, which made me feel really good, and then when he mentioned it to keith yesterday, another manager, he also liked the idea and liked it so much that my training could possibly starting as soon as i get back next week!  (cause i'm at home till thursday)

so yeah, how crazy is that?!  i'll still be statused as lifeguard and i'll still be seasonal but because we need coordinators so badly once i'm trained, that's probably all i'll be doing for the rest of the summer. 

but check how it looks to the other guards who dont' know me and who also want it, they've been here every week since jan or feb.  i come back, don't know them but know everyone else, and after being back two weeks am made inservice leader and coordinator.  i know most the guys won't care, and it's really only one or two girls that i think will, but still i feel like it's going to turn up more drama and wont' really help at all in making friends.  hector thinks that won't happen and that everyone will understand, i've been there longer, but i don't know.  it is nice to know though, that my managers and coordinators, think i can do it, and are excited about it too. 

anyways sorry my entry is kinda sucky and debbie downer sounding.  here's a little funny to lighten it up, or at least i think it's funny.  so i was guarding the small pool at movies, mighty ducks pool, and this little kid with water wings kept running.  so his dad takes him out and  explains that ke can't run, ok this kid is probably about 4 yrs old, so then the dad lets him go and the kid goes flying away to the pool and his dad, sounding so exhasperated is like camdon!  no running!!!  and the kid, sounding equally exasperated responds with, but i'm not!  it was so funny and so cute.  so there's a cute little story OH!  and i jumped in for a kid last week, then had got vatted, (when they drop in the shadow and we have 30 secs to see it and get it) which was really funny and i'll write about it later, and then had to call the amublenc services for a little girl who hurt her ankle, yeah these were all different days, but all at the same stand.  and people wonder why fantasia pool isn't my fave, hahaha.  but at least now i can finally say why yes i have jumped in to save someone, when people ask hahaha

blaaaah!!  so i'm having a wicked hard time finding a place to live in this summer.  maybe it's God saying you've had a fun run do something else, but the thing is what else would i do?  i don't want to go back to camp this summer (no offense to any campers who might be reading this and nothing personal.  i love you guys but i need something new) and if i go home this summer then what?  staying in searcy is OUT OF THE QUESTION i can only take so much of hell. 

if i go home then i'll be there for when joleen has her second kid, which would be cool but would we ever really get to hang out? (umm yeah no)  who would even be at home to hang out with?  my home friends are scattered now, granted the majority are in the boston area so not too far away but it's not like i can just drive on over to kristelle's for a movie night now.  then there's church, there really isn't anyone my age left anymore, and if they are oh wait they're grown-up and on to kid number 2.  i want to go back to disney because i have a job there, and i enjoy it, and i know i'll have fun and have friends to hang out with and a general good time.  what's wrong with that? 

it's been so hard finding an apartment and i understand why that is.  i think i might have found some places on sublet.com but then my dad's like oh i think this is sketchy (and yes my dad does say sketchy) it's because it's through the interent, which i understand that and i plan on taking precautions about it and hey the website even gives you precautions so you don't get gyped or into a spot because you did this through the internet.  i also tried calling a church because people said i should try that one and so i did and the person i talked to didn't seem very hopeful and was like ummm well yeah we helped people in the past but... so she said i could talk to the elder about possibly making an announcment just in case there was someone, but then he never called me back.

guys please pray about this, maybe this is the door on that option being shut, but what other options for this summer do i have?