newfangledforhismajesty's Xanga Site

Weblog

Saturday, November 17, 2007

it's all okay

heyyyy.just updates.forget the last post.prince and i are the happiest beings on earth.scars dont go away.but im very fortunate to have a man in my life who does everything he can to heal me.and im really grateful.prince,i love you.and yeah,we well pull through this together no matter what comes in our way.so yeah...today i had this bd party..actually today is mami's bd...thats my aunt.hehe.since me,mami,iva,mom and mamu(my uncle) are gg to kl tmr...we celebrate our bd today...mami,iva and me.then bibik who's my aunt as well,bought me this body shop gift pack.i love it.expecially the pink long scrub thingy...and brazil nut is sooo soooothingggg!!thanks guys!kak raiha bought me this DIOR SECRET GLOSS THINGY.its like awesome.its like chained...with a secret compartment with the lip gloss in it.oh gosh.and it costs like a bomb.cik ani,my otr aunt,who's nadya's mom...gave me a hundred bucks.Alhamdullilah.All i need from mom is nothing.cuz shes given me everything that i need and can ever want.all i need is mom!((:.love you mom .things are better nowadays...and m leaving for kl tmr..gonna be missing prince..jag and the rest...take care guys.& prince,ill text u even on the way there...right!hehe.i love you.

THANKS GUYS FOR EVERYTHING.IT WAS SUCH AN AWESOME CELEBRATION.
WITH MY FAMILY.
THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME,NO ONE ELSE LIKE YOUR FAMILY.

take care.
love,
izz.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

OH YES.

shit.
i think we broke up.
i don't know.
things are really not going well for me.
everything i have is everything i really ever ever need.
and everything that i have and need is falling apart and have fallen apart.

i feel very unwanted.
i miss viveck.:((.viveck doesn't miss me.
i miss elliot.really really.
i miss imran.i also don't know why.
okay i dont miss daryl.HA HA.SO NOT FUNNY.
i miss blandon.i realllyyyy miss ya!happ birthday!
and those little saints boys who actually relied on me like a sister/mom.LOL.
i miss marino.
i miss joy.
i miss manprit.
i miss jag!!
i miss liana....:)
i miss roopan....
i miss chatting with rifqi at like 3am....
!!!
I MISS PRINCE JOHN BENEDICT.
I MISS ME.
YOU KNOW WHY?CUZ PRINCE JOHN BENEDICT IS ME.
HE WAS MY HALF IN THE BEGINNING.
HE'S NOW A PART OF ME.
JUST LIKE A GLASS,ONCE IT IS BROKEN - A PART IS MISSING,THE WHOLE GLASS SHATTERS AND NOTHING IS LEFT OF IT.

NOTHING IS LEFT OF ME.
SLASHES.
SLITS.
THATS ALL.

JUST KILL ME.
I HAVE GONE THROUGH ENOUGH IN LIFE...
TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS ALLLLL OVER AGAIN.
WHY WONT THIS BE DIFFERENT?
NO,IM NOT TRYING TO KEEP UP TO WHAT PPL EXPECT OF US.
BUT WHAT IVE ALWAYS DREAMT OF...
WHAT IVE WORKED FOR IN US..
WHAT IVE REALLY PRAYED FOR IN US...
WHAT I SPEND MY TIME FOR..
WHAT I GIVE MY LOVE FOR...

IM STARTING TO NOT MAKE SENSE.
BUT IT DOESNT MATTER ANYMORE.I DONT GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE.

and anyway,i just got a message from prince.
it reads.....
I WILL NEVER FORGET YOUR LOVE.YOU WILL ALWAYS HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART.I LOVE YOU.

okay idk?
i feel like shit.i think.
ok yes i do feel like shit.
i always do.
but this is different.
like uhm,EH?DID WE JUST BREAK UP?
(okay imran will never believe this anyway.but yeah.hahhh!)
im going thru such a deep and painful transition in life.:(.

but anyway...and still...
THANKS EVERYONE FOR BEING SOOOO SUPPORTIVE.
especially my family.
ESPECIALLY KAK RAIHA.(((:.
I LOVE YOU.

oh sigh.im done here i guess.thanks.

OKTHXBYE.

ciao-ing.
izz.
forgot.

OH.AND I FORGOT.O'S ENDED TODAY.

SO WHAT?

WHAT'S THE BIG CELEBRATION?

GEEEEESSSSSS.
Losing every inch of me.

As the title reads.
I REALLY CANNOT TAKE LIFE ANYMORE.

1) Family
2) Prince
3) Friends
4) What on earth am i here for?
5) What's next?
6)     ME
     ME
   ME
ME
ME
Yeah.The big deal here is me.I know,I can be the most stubborn person of all,the worse of the most stubborn people in the whole world.I know,i will never be good enough for anyone.I never thought i'd treat you this way,everybody.Everybody refers to MY WHOLE FAMILY.But you know what?I don't care anymore.I (used to) always have this thing in me that says , "C'mon,no matter what happens,I gotta pull through,whether or not on my own.I have to pull through and reap the best of what I am able to get.C'mon do this for YOU.Not for anyone else.Everytime i fall,i always try to pick myself up once more."...I think by now,it would have been more than a million times.

1) I'm losing my patience (family,i know yours have gone too) towards trying to repent and pleeeaaseeeeeee everybody.Okay,i know.I'm the worse in the whole family.When i came home today,I don't know what happened.I just felt soooo happy after Prince and I went out to Queensway S.C. to get some stuff.He bought me a new wallet...and shoes too!I was sooooo elated!When i reached home to show my cousin what made me so happy today,she was like *dadidadidadida->stuff she says..not for you to know...* ... but the thing that really struck me was "At least I have a husband already.And he's working already.And,i don't RIP money off an underaged boy." ....
UGH.
puhlease.
give me a break.
i know everyone might not be please with the guy i'm with and all that.you have your reasons.but please,won't you give me a break.PLEASE.i'm like seriously begging.i can't take it anymore.

& with prince,if you can't sacrifice that,then it's really fine with me.I will make do with myself,and i will pull through alone.

FRIENDS.
I don't have real friends.I don't have friends....?I don't know.I don't care anymore.

WHAT AM I REALLY HERE FOR?
Firstly,I didn't ask to be born.Then i get into these shittttt.

I REALLY CAN'T TAKE LIFE ANYMORE.IT REALLY IS KILLING ME.
AND NOW IM REALLY DYING.

GEES.WHO CARES.

Don't have to love & in no need of love anymore,
IZZ.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Nearing the end of O Levels !

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together

Through the days and nights
[No One lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So til the end of time I'm telling you there is no one

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you

oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh

HEY.
Today was my Physics Paper 1 & Chemistry Paper 1.Last paper is BIOLOGY PAPER 1 !!!! Favourite !Tomorrow shall be the day where i get a new relieving lease of life !

THE END OF O LEVELS.
oh hooray.
i doubt i can hang out & stuff like that,but oh well.i don't know.((;.hahaha.

I WANT TO MEET NAOMI NEXT WEEK.
YAY.

Get well soon Mama!
Okays tomorrow's plan is to make breakfast for mama and then chao!hahaha.

okays.
ciao bella.ill add photos later on!!!

love,
izz.

XOXO