i'm feeling rather blah today.  i'm not really sure why.  i well, actually i know exactly why: the usual culprit.....the stress caused by the impending doom of adulthood is making me weary.  i just wish someone could get the whole job/career/place to live/money/life thing settled for me.  any volunteers?

i apologize for my ranting in advance....

ok, i love public transportation.  i take it a minimum of once a week.  i ride the subway, metro north, nj transit, etc. and usually it's great.  gets me there on time (or pretty close) w/out the hassle of sitting in traffic.  half the time i even get some extra (and much needed) sleep.  but today i had one of those days that makes me hate public transportation.  i left my house in nj at 9:05a in order to catch the 9:22a train.  i was almost 10 minutes early but the train didn't come til almost 9:40a.  and since my train line doesn't go directly into new york i had to wait at newark for the 11:05a train which didn't show up til 11:15a.  of course this train took about 5 minutes longer than usual because that's just the kind of day i'm having.  then i went to grab the subway.  naturally since it is midday they come at ridiculously long intervals.  to make a long story short i didn't get to school until 11:50.....that means a 2 hour trip took me almost 3 hours!!!!   GRRRRR!!!!!!!!! 

i want it all....

well, i'm happy to say that i'm a bit more settled than i was last time i wrote an entry.  time is sometimes the only thing you need.  it's amazing how much a few extra days (or a weeks) can do.  i'm feeling much more settled and have regained my illusion of control over the situation.  the funny thing about control is that no one can really say they are ever in control, yet it makes us happy when we at least feel like we are. 

special thanks to sylvia for her words of advice...i really do have to try that phoebe game....i think it would work wonders with the unresolved areas in my life.  it's sometimes hard to admit things to yourself.  there have been may times that i didn't consciously know what i was feeling.  and all of a sudden you start to realize that you don't know why you are upset over something that is seemingly trival.  admitting things to yourself is much harder than admitting them to others (most of the time)....go figure.

anywho, on to lighter and happier topics.  next week is spring break (yay!!!) and a break is something i definately need.  truthfully i could really use a week of seclusion on a private island in the carribean...but that's not in the cards just yet.  i'll just have to settle for a long weekend in London...hehe.  sylvia and i decided sort of on a whim to take a little mini-holiday.  it was supposed to be over spring break, but alas, that was not in the cards either, so we are going the week after instead.  it should be really fun...i hardly ever get to travel despite the fact that it's one of the things that i really want to do.  but i have turned over a new leaf and instead of complaining that i never go anywhere i have decided to be proactive and just go for it.  (go me!) 

spontaneity as far as big things go has never been one of my strong suits.  although i have done things like drive to the beach for no reason, go out at 11p to get a movie, randomly decide to visit a friend, etc. i've never really done anything truly spontaneous.  this is definately big.  one day i hope to just fly over to Paris for the weekend (with absolutely no planning) or maybe drive across country...who knows...there's hope for me yet! :)

wow, guess i had alot to write about...go figure.  anyways...i think that's enough for now....go to leave somethings about me a mystery (and by somethings i mean most things)...til next time! ;)

when did life get so complicated?  i feel like i have to make all these really important decisions and i have absolutely no idea what to do.  i really wish a magic eight ball was a reliable source for advice....  i just don't remember things being this confusing.  usually when i don't know what to do i spend some time thinking everything over and eventually i get it sorted out.  but this time it's not working.  the more i think the more confused i am.  i can't seem to make any real decisions.  the only thing left to do is trust my gut instinct...and that makes me uneasy.  when you can never be absolutely certain of anything, how do you decide when you have enough information to make a good decision?

any words of wisdom would be helpful....