nikville's Xanga

it finally hit me that this is really going to happen...and it isn't going to be me.

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 06:21:57 GMT

h: so... ****** really is getting married huh?
k: yeah.
h: ....
h: ....
h: yeah.

rant

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 03:37:43 GMT

wow...i was rifling through some of my old emails and i saw this one from 2003 that i wrote to michelle and posted on the forums...i can't believe that it STILL applies 4 years down the track.

----------------------

okay.

here is my little rant.

if you knew me well enough, if a topic is raised which i am very passionate about, i tend to rant on and write lengthy diatribes pertaining to the issue at hand.

okay. now to the evil that is the music industry in general.

let me sum it up. in a nutshell.

abstract:
record companies will go to any lengths to sell records, no matter how crap the actual musical content is.

content:
i have a philosophical objection to artists such as britney, christina aguilera, shakira, backdoor boys, n*suck and J(gay)-lo.

[quote] Both Britney and Xtina have lasted a lot longer than many pop acts, because of the way they change, not just vocal talent. [/quote]

i wouldn't say that they've lasted long at all. look at acts such as michael jackson, elton john, billy joel, pearl jam, tool, radiohead, r.e.m., u2, elvis presley.

look at that list and tell me britney and christina will have career longievity that will be even HALF that of that previous list. these guys have had 10,15,20, even 30-year careers.

sure you could rebut by saying that these people have just begun their careers...sorry bub, i believe their careers have already peaked. how relevant is ricky martin now? how relevant are the backstreet boys now? how relevant are boyz ii men?

how relevant will christina be in 5 years time?

by then, there will be a new, gorgeous, sexy starlet with average to very good vocal skills who sells records based on how well they can gyrate their finely toned pelvis into the camera.

but the so called "anti-britney" backlash has already begun. michelle branch, avril, vanessa carlton and nelly furtardo are leading the way. they have their own set of evils, which i prefer not to discuss at this present moment, but at least it's not only about sex and over-produced records anymore.

next point. what matters most. (the music).

unfortunately, nowadays, the music itself doesn't matter. it just needs to be (vaguely) sing-able with thumping bass and body-moving rhythm, while a sultry artist with some semblance of talent shows off their new breat implants in the latest multi-million dollar video clip (for crying out loud, it's only for FOUR minutes at the most!!!)

shallow shallow stuff.

it needs to sell. that's the only criteria that is used to write songs.

no longer is it about writing good music, aesthetically pleasing and technically challenging music. it no longer challenges the listener to think, to appreciate, to savour.

no longer is it a true expression of the artist themselves. no longer do we critically think about music.

i used to sit at my father's record player and listen to guys like the beatles, the bee-gees, elvis presley and simon and garfunkel. i was blown away, not by the technical abilities of these guys, but how amazing at the quality of the songwriting. they were not buried under hundreds of layers of instruments. their voices were not digitally enhanced because they can't sing to save themselves (re: boob job bub britney).

these guys were REAL.

[quote] By dressing how THEY want, singing THEIR OWN style, and not letting themselves be sugarcoated or told what to do by a record label.
Xtina is now singing songs written mostly by her, and has a CD exec produced by herself. Her first few albums she didn't have that control. And if the blatant sexuality expressed in this current album is the way she really is, then good for her that she is finally expressing her true self and the way she feels instead of being censored by other people. [/quote]

i refuse to believe that these songs were written solely by her. co-written would be more believable. despite the criticism that pop music is shallow, even pop music has its complexities in its instrumentation and i don't believe that christina aguilera, or most other solo artists have the ability to fully orchestrate and score a whole pop song. listen to the keyboard runs sometime. some of them are very tricky. some of the harmonies are also fairly complex. i doubt they wrote it themselves, unless they're someone like alicia keys.

another thing is that everyone's stealing everyone else's sound. listen to a rap record. the number of samples that they used would fill up a whole page. macy gray's new song sounds like a bad jackson 5 rip-off. yuk!

being a drummer, i've noticed that all the beats are bloody the same! for crying out loud, use REAL musicians and get some original beats happening rather than using a computer.

which brings me to my next point. the pervasive use of electronics in pop music certainly has its place. to COMPLEMENT real live musicians. HOWEVER, the current common use of these computers is to REPLACE musicians, which i believe is wrong. it's to save money and maximise profitability.

there is nothing more fulfilling than playing in a band where all the musicians are locked into the same groove and it just feels beautiful. it's all about the FEEL. electronic beeps and blurps do NOT have FEEL. and that is when the music itself sounds and feels very artificial.

your argument would be that people like to dance to a good beat. a computer can do a decent job. but seriously, a really good drummer can do an even better job because deep inside, he/she has that tribal, primitive, percussive rhythm inside him/her that only he/she can impart onto the audience. i have listened to a lot of jazz music and even the jazz beat isn't the typical techno DOOF DOOF beat, it makes ME tap my feet along with the music because it has a beautiful FEEL to it.

creativity with rhythms can also extend to odd meters. being able to master odd times is a peak of your musical skills. odd times...no one can listen to odd times cos it's too different, right? wrong. in the hands of a skilled musician, playing a steady odd time, you won't notice that it isn't in 4/4 time. listen to dave brubeck's "take 5" sometime. it's in 5/4 but it feels so natural. listen to the goo goo dolls' "iris". it goes from 12/8 to 4/4 to 12/8 again and you won't notice it. yet that's a song you can still tap your foot to.

it's not about the perfection and polish. we're humans, for crying out loud. we aren't perfect. that's why "perfect" and "polished" music sounds artificial and a little unreal. that rawness is the spark that is missing in a lot of today's music as well. there is even a bit of manufactured "rawness" in recent songs as well...but it's still not REAL!!

why does christina have a live band? why do a lot of rnb groups have a live band? because there's the energy that only a live band can bring to the audience. only when they're touring, yes. if only for the visuals, though. however, why can't they use those same musicians in the studio? it would certainly sound better, in my opinion...

i may sound like a pretentious arts student, but i regard myself as a "music connoisseur" and to be honest, they seem to be rather thin on the ground nowadays, especially those who critique modern music.

sorry, i don't mean to bash, but there is more to music than the pop (even rnb) world where fervent materialism and sexuality runs rampant. and that's something i'm afraid not many people realise.

i don't mean to boast, but i am a gigging drummer and trained classical percussionist with a 10-year piano and violin background. i've played in orchestras and other musical ensembles and i will be doing further musical studies overseas (hopefully in canada). the reason why i mention that is that i just want to let you know that as a result of my training, i am a bit more aware of OTHER types of music out there joe public doesn't really know about. and so at least i don't sound like a ranting ignoramus.

my background also has helped me discover, for myself, what constitutes a "good" piece of music (yes it's subjective, but there are basic tenets that MUST be met)

i'm not saying that music should sound like the 60s and 70s. i'm not advocating to a return of flimsy low-quality and lo-fi equipment used back in that era. we've already been there done it. otherwise we would end up repeating ourselves. why can't we progress even further in musical artistry?

because it won't sell.

coming from an avid follower of pop culture :D

p.s. there's a lot more points i want to write, but for the sake of so-called brevity (damn it's a long piece), i'll save them for next time.

ARGHHHHH...my head hurts so much...

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 05:21:17 GMT

it hurts

it's so frustrating

trying to reach out to you

and i get no answer

and i'm too shy to approach you

i know both our hearts are bruised and we're both hurting

but please give me a chance

we can both make a new start. forget our hurts, our pasts, and start again at the beginning

things can only get better from here

i can save you as you can save me

why won't you let me in damnit?

you're the first girl i have met whom i've seriously had no doubts over. over who you are, what you are

but i'm just so scared that i won't measure up to him

everything i do will be compared to how he did it

or everything i don't do will be compared to what he did do

i'm someone else; i hope you understand that

you're right; i don't know you.

but please give me the chance

to learn more about you

i hope to see you eye-to-eye this sunday

please give me a chance.

why does everyone have issues with people in their past they can't seem to let go of?

edit: i came too late. by then you were gone. next week, i hope. my last chance before i leave.

i was the nowhere man

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 01:51:58 GMT

if anyone has seen cirque du soleil's beatles tribute "love" in vegas...then, this character tugged at my heart. he was me.

nobody wanted the flowers...

i will remember

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 04:19:52 GMT

when i close my eyes...

...i see a small man in a suit sitting on a train, shirt untucked, tie loosened, holding a bouquet of roses, bought with every last cent he had in the world. he sits in his seat, looking at the ground, roses drooping, with the scenery rushing by in the window behind him and the lights above flickering.

crestfallen, devastated, he cuts a solitary figure.

it was a long train ride home.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 03:42:23 GMT

i've spent my whole life trying to save other people...

...when i can't even save myself.

you left me at a loss for words

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 05:31:53 GMT

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way

all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips bats her eyes and she plays
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

cos i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cos she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me
as the world spins around her she laughs rolls her eyes
and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise

cos i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cos it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land

yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way

all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
as she purses her lips bats her eyes and she plays
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

cos i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cos it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land

yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again.

bruising

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 03:44:34 GMT

i bruise you you bruise me
we both bruise so easily
too easily to let it show
i love you and that's all i know

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 02:09:13 GMT

Howdy all,

Yes yes, I know I've been so slack in updating everyone with what I've been up to lately. I apologise for that, but seriously I have been so busy it's amazing that I've managed to cram everything in whilst retaining my sanity.

Well, I'll be taking a break in proceedings to update everyone on what I've been up to for the past three (!!!!) months. Which is a lot actually, so I really won't go too much in depth, otherwise I'll never get this email finished.

So right now, I am at my friend's apartment complex, just relaxing next to the pool. It's pretty hot, but for the first time in a long time, I feel relaxed. And I have time to write to you all.

OKAY. Let me get started with an extremely significant milestone in my life. MY FIRST BASEBALL GAME! YAY.

So yesh, I went down to San Diego one lovely morning for two reasons: to play a gig at UCSD (University of California San Diego) for a friend of mine and to watch baseball. UCSD had some sort of multicultural international event going on and my friend asked me to play with his band for the event. The gig actually went off fine, but I was extremely squeezed for time because I had to meet my friend Stacey early so we can get parking. It didn't help that I was a bit stressed and then I got lost along the way. But thankfully, we got some parking about a mile from the stadium and walked down the pleasant streets of San Diego. So yes, I watched the Padres spank the Cubbies. Well, not really spanked, but Stacey, being the most obsessed (and only) Cubs fan I know, it was a kind of a downer. Oh well.

So after that, it was Vegas or bust! For Memorial Day weekend, a couple of guys from church and Mark, my adopted cousin haha, went to Vegas. Whoa, now that was an experience. And not one I really want to repeat any time soon. For starters you have to a) have a lot of money and b) have a lot of money. Which is used for gambling (obviously), accommodation, the spectacular shows and the huuuuuuuuuuge all-you-can-eat buffets. And my foot hurt from all the walking around the hotel/casinos. And man, you can almost smell the glitz and glamour of all the casinos, just like in the movies. But then you realise that it's all superficial and you really end up smelling like second-hand smoke.

But let me tell you this. The all-you-can-eat buffets were borderline spectacular. For $30, you can eat as much seafood as you wish. Prawns, crabs and other types of seafood. You can literally eat $80 worth of seafood in one sitting for the price of a large steak. In Vegas, you eat like a king. Or queen.

And in the casinos. I also lost the humongous amount of $1.50. Almost all my life savings. Photos attached.

After that...umm...nothing for a few weeks haha. Just had to get by with school and stuff.

Soooo, here came breaktime. I only had one week, so I had to make the most of every day. So I went up to Union City and Fremont for a weekend or so and came back. I got to visit my uncles and aunts for the first time in many years. It was good to see them, I think they were happy to see me.

When I got back, I took one of my friends from school to Disneyland. Well, she had been in LA (from Switzerland) for 9 months and had NEVER been to Disneyland as unfortunately she couldn't afford it. I just felt soooo sad at her situation so I offered to pay for her ticket. So fortunately she said yes, and we had the times of our lives.

What can I say? I love Disneyland. Even though I'd been there before, it's still an experience to actually be there. Aaaahhhh...the magic of the world of Disney. While I was watching the parade it felt like I was in some sort of alternate reality - the Disney universe. Looks like they've suckered me in. Topping that off were the most amazing fireworks I have ever seen. Beats anything that Melbourne or Sydney New Years Day can come up with.

So since then it became quiet once again, for a few weeks as I started my second quarter of school. Just a couple of weeks ago I had another "holiday" which I thiiink I am still recovering from. Firstly, since it is summer holidays for everyone, they have what's known as a Vacation Bible School for high-school students. A few of us from our youth group were asked to form a band and lead the morning P&W, so I ended up playing guitar every morning for a week.

That weekend, we held the EPIC conference. It's basically like the camps we have back in Australia, except this time it's the first time for these guys, so there were a few difficulties for all of us. I was part of the organising committee and the band and also did a video for one of the sessions, so I really did not get any sleep whatsoever during that weekend. However, all things considered, the inexperience of the organising team, it ran pretty smoothly and we got a lot of great feedback from the kids. However, we were in the middle of a massive heatwave, where every day was almost 40 degrees. Actually in Riverside (where the camp was held), it was 47 degrees, so we mostly stayed inside.

THEN, the day after I went to San Francisco. Again. Aside from dinner with a couple of friends, I basically stayed at my uncle's the whole time, recuperating. Which is not bad at all.

Finally, a group of us visited the OC Fair - it's pretty much the equivalent to the Melbourne Show. With animals and rides and stuff. Except, here, the city folk don't know much about animals and don't get to see them much, so they were all squealing and going ooohh aahhhhh at the cows and sheep and pigs. I've seen it all before. Meh. Haha. But darn, the piglets were cute.

Also I went to the beach a few times, but you know about it already. How's the weather down in sunny Melbourne?

What am I looking forward to over the next few weeks? I don't know. I'm going back up north again in a month's time, but after that, I'm pretty open. I might end up going to Six Flags (kinda like WB Movieworld) but it's pretty expensive as well.

Man, I can't believe I've been here almost 5 months already...

ANYWAY PEEPS, let me know what youse have been up to cos I miss you all.

Homer

never take for granted...

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 05:53:17 GMT

a thought just occurred to me...

have we become so busy in our lives, that we are too busy for the ones who care about us the most?