nimbusthedragon's Xanga

Friday, July 18, 2008

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 09:55:57 GMT

Fun Friday entry: 10 Dirty little secrets...

Just when you thought my verbal diarrhea had already dispensed all tidbits on this unabashedly egotistical and long-winded blog of mine... Most of these relate to my past though, since nowadays, I can't keep my damn mouth shut about anything.

1) I am a rather HUGE closeted Backstreet Boys fan. Except for their newer albums, I know most of their songs by heart. I used to draw them as a teenager, and made Backstreet Boys comics. My best friend and I had a yahoo rpg which merged Sailor Moon and the Backstreet Boys. (It was called... originally enough, Backstreet Moon... and you laugh, but there was a time when it was listed as the most popular text rpg on yahoo. SO THERE.) My best friend and I also own the only two Backstreet Boys comics (real ones) in circulation... which were autographed by the group, AND by Stan Lee. They are currently in a safe, at an undisclosed location ( I kid you not) as we almost eagerly await Stan Lee's unfortunate passing, so that we might make insane money off its then-skyrocketing value. (not)

2) Aside from the Backstreet Boys, when I was a teenager, I had a pretty generalized form of "BoyBandFangirlitis".... a horrible, horrible disease. I loved Hanson. LOVED. (And for some embarassingly ungodly reason, I loved Isaac the most. Probably because I related to him, being the ugly one, hahah.) I hated N'Sync though... but only because they were the BSB's biggest opponents.

3) I played with dolls until I was about 13. No, I'm not kidding. It took me a long time to grow up, and I used to get a lot of my drawing ideas from the imaginative worlds I created with them.

4) I probably watch more porn than some men. And I actually use it for reference for drawing, sometimes. (Where else am I going to find naked models to pose for me?) As such, my computer is riddled with anti spyware programs, hahaha. Sometimes though, it has nothing to do with drawing.

5) I once went to Halloween in what I thought was a Ninja costume... it turns out my mom had made me a Black Power Ranger suit, which I found out about later, through the hysterically muffled chokes of laughter from the masses of girls who were dressed like whores (literally) and princesses. But then, that was an upgrade from the golden unicorn costume I had before. I guess I wasn't very popular in higschool... because even if it hadn't been a Power Ranger, I still thought ninjas were cool... and it still woulda been a ninja suit. (That automatically spells social DOOM in an all-girls school.)

6) On vacation once, in British Columbia when I was about 5 years old... I saw my first Asian person, at the hotel's pool. I then proceeded to swim on my back, while pulling at the corners of my eyes, thinking it was fucking awesome, because I could look that badass too. (Epicanthic folds ftw!) My father then plucked me from the water in a gasping frenzy and rushed me inside with almost stroke-inducing embarassment. I still call that the "Squint Stroke". Yeah, go ahead, be offended. I was FIVE, and I lived a sheltered life.

7) I frequently used to steal change from the change bin at my parents' place. In my defence though, they knew perfectly well it was going on, and my Dad would probably have given me 3 times as much money had I just asked for it. I just had too much pride to ask.... but not to steal. (My logic = flawless.) Since though, I have slipped change back into the bin, progressively, to pay back my debt.

8) I stole a Sailor Moon doll from a Zellers store once. Sailor Venus, to be precise. Every time I pull her out of storage these days, I remember the gut wrenching fear as I sat nervously on the public bus, my plastic bag of illicit contents BURNING my fingertips with guilt. Technically, my friend at the time stole it... but she stole it FOR me, which is just as bad. I'm a felon. SIXTEEN DOLLARS WAS A LOT BACK THEN, OK? I remember thinking the cop car that passed on the highway, about half a kilometer away, was out for me, and almost throwing up from anxiety as my con of a friend stared at me with mocking disbelief.

9) I once peed my pants in grade six. (that's pretty damned old.) I had to walk home to and from school every day... and it was about 1,5 kms, and I'd forgotten to go before leaving. I rushed and rushed... but despite my astronomical effort, I made it all the way to two houses before my babysitter's, and completely lost it in the middle of the street. (Luckily, it was a quiet, rural street.) I was so terrified that the babysitter would punish me that I ran crying to the neighbors', completely humiliated. She was a nice old lady, at least... and she helped smooth things over with the babysitter.

10) When no one's looking, I pick my nose. I don't care what you think. I usually go for kleenex, but if there are none available well... it's still on. I don't do it in public, and I always wash my hands afterwards... (because another thing about me is that I'm obsessed with hand cleanliness...something to do with my borderline hypochondria..) but I CANNOT STAND the feeling of my nose being clogged with anything. So sue me. (*sigh* At this point, I almost wish I had a penis somewhere...at least that would give me an excuse for being so ungirly. Oh well.) And I don't care if this removes any semblance of sexiness I might have had. I gave up on Xanga-Impressing months ago, when I realized I wasn't Asian. (OSNAP!)

What about you? Any dirty laundry I should know about? I dare you to share.

Annnd this concludes my blogging for the next little while. IT'S TIME FOR VACATION, BITCHES!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:21:43 GMT

Totally random thought spam

I'm watching Batman Forever on tv right now. Not purposely, mind you. *shudder*.... I'm at the part where the Kilmerlicious Bruce Wayne walks into his office, and activates his secret passages to the batcave by saying such things as "box". "Desk".

It makes me wonder about Bruce Wayne's board meetings. What if he's dealing with an international Chair Company?

Bruce Wayne: "So yeah... Waynecorp would love to purchase 10 000 stocks of your massaging chairrrrrrrrrAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*slides into a hole under his desk and disappears, under the bewildered gazes of his guests*

.... yeah.

Going now.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 08:58:15 GMT

What to do... ?

The boyfriend returned from hockey around 12:30 and he's usually so wound up after a game that he doesn't fall asleep for hours. Add to that that because of the uterine miracle that is my period, as soon as he'd left a couple of hours earlier, I had pretty much passed out on his bed and only awoke again when he got back. My sleeping patterns thus disturbed, I also found myself wired for sound.

We both showered, changed, and sat in bed, bored to tears.

So what do two consenting adults who love each other do in the middle of the night when they find themselves in bed with nothing to do?

....PLAY IZOO UNTIL OUR EYES BLEED, THAT'S WHAT!! SEXY TIME!!

Wheeee!!!

It's just like Bejeweled, except it's for IPhone, with animals who make funny faces when you make a line disappear, hee hee hee!!! We played until 2:00 am... even though it's a one player game, technically, we were both going at it like animals, I tell you. Sweat, screaming and breathless entertainment!! IT WAS SO HOT!

^_^

Noteworthy quotes:

Me:....*beep beep, boop boop* Hey... can you imagine if we both had DS's?

Him: ...... *horrified expression, as he focuses intently on the screen* Waitwaitwait, I made a line....BOOM!!

Me: No but seriously... DS's...

Him: That'd be.... just....

Me: THE BEST THING EVER!!!!!

Him:... We'd be like those 4 fobs at the movie theatre the other night... all linked and playing Mario Kart... *glee* ....BOOM!! I MADE ANOTHER ONE EXPLODE, HAHA

Me: .... just you watch. It'll happen. It'll happen. Oh yes.

(note that the last line was uttered similarly to Mike Myers in Wayne's World, as he spoke lovingly of the Fender guitar he wanted, and the girlfriend he wanted. ("She will be mine... oh yes.... she will be mine!")

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:08:40 GMT

Of interest to women...

(Or maybe not, but at least they'll get it.)

I'm sorry, but could I please indulge in the most stereotypical whining ever, here? Just for a few minutes? Because I'm really going nuts, seriously... and only my fellow double X'ers will understand.

My PMS lately, has been REALLY, REALLY, REALLY bad.

It's not so much the bloating, the headaches, the wanting-to-eat-everything-like-a-rabid-pig and consequently, the nausea and the crankiness that I care so much about... those things I'm pretty much used to... but oh my god, it's the FATIGUE!!!

My period is supposed to hit tonight... and as odd as it is to say this, I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT... Because for the past 3 days, let me tell you, I've been like the living dead. I can barely keep my eyes open throughout the day, and feel horribly lethargic. I took a one hour and a half nap yesterday afternoon, after having slept all night before, and still felt completely exhausted when I woke up. And the dreams!! I feel like my subconscious has taken drastic amounts of crack and forgot to tell me about it... or else I'm sleep walking and popping down Valium without knowing it. Everytime I fall asleep, my mind goes into overdrive... so I wake up feeling like I've been trampled like a herd of elephants, mentally AND physically.

And I'm not talking your regular, run-of-the-mill, "I've stayed up too late one night" tiredness... I'm talking... "I feel like I haven't slept in weeks and there are weights attached even to my fingertips and it's like 4 times Earth's gravity to move" kind of tired.

It's ridiculous, and it's pissing me off. Two people today have told me that I look "pale"... and we're talking about a person of Irish (read: pasty) descent, who is regularly a vampire in the summer and who likes dark clothes. THEY'RE USED TO ME LOOKING LIKE DEATH! WHAT THE HELL DO I LOOK LIKE NOW?

Anyway, the point is.... Mother Nature, just bleed me already!! Enough of this slow zombie death crap... it's very unbecoming, and I'm just not getting anything done. ZOMBIES ARE NOT ADEPT AT PREPARING ANIME CONVENTIONS AND PLANNING VACATIONS!!!

GIVE ME BACK MY SOUL, AUNT FLO, I BESEECH THEE!!! YOU'VE ALREADY GOT MY DAMN UTERUS, WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANNNNNTTTT!!!???! JUST BLEEEEED ME ALREADY!!! COME ON!! I'M ALL READY TO GO!!! I GOT THE DIAPERS AND EVERYTHING!! DOOO ITTTT!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THIS HOLY, PLEAAAAAAAAAASEEE!!! I JUST WANT TO BE HUMAN AGAIN!!!!

Christ on a bicycle... I want some fucking chocolate. (And I'm not even close to joking.)

Sorry, guys. Go read the next one on your subs list.

Edit: HOLY SHIT, IT WORKED!!!HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!! SWEET MERCIFUL DELIVERANCE, IT WORKED!!! THANK YOU XANGA GODS!! THANK YOU FOR PROVIDING ME WITH AN ADEQUATE MEDIUM TO BEG FOR MERCY FROM THE MENSTRUATION DEMONS!!!!

BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA *headexplodes*

(No seriously... just after finishing this post... I had to pee so I went and... uhm... er.... HEY, IS THAT RICKY MARTIN!!?? OVER THERE, TO YOUR LEFT!!)

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 21:02:00 GMT

Art WORKs

Some stuff I've been working on lately, for the upcoming anime convention in Montreal. I wouldn't use these business cards in a professional setting... but they're good fun for conventions. And the buttons, well... WHO DOESN'T LIKE BUTTONS!! ^_^

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 09:58:59 GMT

To Mr. Adelaide Street

I've never punched someone you see,

Except my sister in grade three.

And for that I still feel quite bad,

But asked for it, that bratface had.

Aside from that small tale of horror

Violence I've long abhored.

Except for one man who made me feel

He deserved my fist, foot, elbow AND heel.

Humiliating me to such a point,

Egging his house I would enjoy...

And admittedly, the thought is grim:

I'd love to practice punching on him.

A few years gone, and I'm still sore,

Which vexes me just all the more,

For all the mind I pay him still,

But hitting him'd be such a thrill.

The drama of my fist come flying,

The satisfaction of him crying...

I'm cruel I guess, but truth be told,

I'd hope too for a broken nose.

My righteous anger come unfurled,

I'd make him shriek out like a girl,

And when my fist would hit fat cheek,

He'd beg forgiveness for his deeds.

And so for years of wounded pride,

I'd pummel skin and sorry hide

Until my knuckles bruised and bled,

Or frankly 'til he was good and dead...

Metaphorically I concede,

For I am no true dooer of bad deeds.

But as is said in tales forlorn,

There's no wrath like a woman scorned.

And so revenge won't come today,

Or ever, since he moved away,

And it still stings me, I won't lie,

That my fist will never get to try.

With this poem, I'm letting you go. I'm too tired to care anymore, and too eager to be happy without such negative memories. Scorn takes too much energy. So... not that you care, or will ever know, but I'm moving on, and I've forgiven you.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:39:37 GMT

On remunerated personal talents...

Me: So now.... I have to draw. FOR WORK. ISN'T THAT AWESOME!!???

My sister: That's crazy. Nuts. It's like... if I were paid to argue.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 10:02:19 GMT

TODAY'S GOAL: -8LBS

Ohmygod, like, my mom totallyyyy forced me to drink water today!! She said she thinks I look like "a skeleton sucking on the end of a black hole, slowly disintegrating at the molecular level", whatever THAT means! I dunno, my mom's a physicalist or sumthing... I'm sure my abs are going to disappear because they're going to lose that dehydrated cut look, aside from all the FAT that's going to grow back cuz of that stupid clear stuff!!!! She is like, sooooooo annoying!! I hate myself!! I feel like a loser!!

I'm going to start another fast ontop of the one I already have, cuz my BMI soared into double digits today, omg!!!! I'm disgusting!

Intake:

-Breakfast: Nothing

-Lunch: A glass of UGLY-flavored water

-Dinner: Hasn't happened yet, but I refuse to eat it!!! My mum said she's going to hold my head down in a giant bowl of soup until the only way to stop myself from drowning is to swallow it... but she's dum, cuz soup is super easy to purge, haha! Joke's on her.

My thinspiration for today:

Omg, she is like, so perfect!!! I wish we had a war so I could be enrolled in that place!! It sounds awesome, a camp where you "concentrate" on being thin!!! Concentration camp!! I luv it!! <3... I wish my mum would sign me up!!

Anyway, that's all... I guess I'll do better tomorrow. I'm going to go jogging now, to work on my outake... I just pooed blood a bit, so I guess that counts for maybe 50 calories! I just hope that the crows stay away from me this time if I collapse again, hahah... they're so funnie sometimes, nudging me with their beaks like they wanna play!

Until next time, stay strong!

(Pleeeeeezzee recommend this too, so that all Xanga might be saturated with Thinspiration everywhere, instead of those annoying word-blog thingies!! They're sooooo boring!!)

-Anna

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Alright. In all seriousness now:

I seem to recall another popular blogger doing a similar parody... (ABF?) and probably better. But I had to do it.

DO NOT misunderstand me. I work in a mental hospital where kids with REAL eating disorders are interned, because they are near death. I do not mock eating disorders, as they are very real, and these people are in real trouble. They do not keep "encouragement" blogs, and they do not post pictures of thin girls on the internet.

I have come across far too many feature blogs containing "thinspired" teenagers seeking approval, and with self-esteem issues who, while they have my sympathy, blindly encourage behaviour which is unheatlhy and dangerous. They "wish" to be anorexic or bulimic, and frankly Xanga, I am ashamed that you allow this content to be featured and encouraged more and more, it seems.

To you AnaMia posers out there, because clearly, your desire for approval has reached disturbing heights: Get the fuck off the internet and stop claiming to want diseases, because yes, they are very serious diseases, that have very real consequences. You have no fucking idea what it is you're advocating, and you disgust me. Go to a self esteem workshop, or better yet, an attention whore workshop. What you're doing is akin to advocating how cool it is to have leukemia. I don't care if both diseases are different in nature, it's still the same thing. You are advocating something that kills people. And if you truly wish to kill yourself, then frankly, get it over with, I'll provide the knife, and stop plaguing Xanga with your insipid, naive and insulting bullshit.

To those who have real problems: Get the fuck off the internet, and GET.SOME.HELP. It is not as simple as that, I know. But you have my heart, and my sympathy. Get help now. Xanga will not help you. The internet will not help you.

I've heard of far too many cases ending tragically here, and I'm sick to DEATH of people posting pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia bullshit, who have not even close to an inkling of what it's really like. I'm not claiming that I know either, but working at a mental hospital, I've seen walking skeletons on the campus here every day, and they are getting help. Those are the girls I am proud of, the girls I admire for their strength because they had the balls to seek help for a real problem. Not because they were able to run 5 miles after having eaten half an apple, pretending to be something they're not.

Those are the real "strong" ones. Not those on this site who attribute false ideals to a serious health problem, influenced by mass mediatic retardation.

I suppose I can't blame them entirely though... and I COULD get into a society-scaled rant about this thin obsession our society has... but I digress. You all know what I mean, but these tarts are encouraging it, and I for one, would shut every one of those sites down.

Call me harsh and/or misunderstanding, I don't care. That's would I would do, because I've seen the difference between ana/miaposers, and the real thing. That fakers would even exist at all is an insult to all those who are truly suffering, nevermind that these posers are being featured, and consequently encouraged on a popular blogging site.

It disgusts and enrages me.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 11:00:40 GMT

The Last Time I....

I had a somewhat profound thought this morning. I mean, perhaps not so profound, but it’s something I don’t think I’ve pondered before, and it sort of came to me as a nostalgic realization.

It started with a thought about summer. The summer always reminds me of pools, for some reason…most likely due to some childhood mechanism. In fact, I was almost instantly transported back to my childhood, and to memories of being at a grade-school friend’s house, on Seigniory street, like I was almost every weekend between June and August. She and I were very close back then, and we used to spend the summers in her fabulous, spacious backyard, and in her huge in-ground pool. We played games, made up entire worlds, chased bugs.

They were great times… and I remember loving that place immensely. It had luscious gardens that her mom feverishly tended to, multiple fruit trees that would bloom magnificently in the spring and which housed many colorful kinds of birds. I also remember that the huge pool itself was surrounded by overhanging trees, though there was always enough room for the sunlight to seep in and make everything warm.

It really was a great place… and back then, before high-school, personal problems of hers, and life got in the way, eventually forcing us down separate paths, we had some of the best times of our lives.

Then I thought… “When was the last time I was there, on Seigniory street? Like, the *actual* last time? ”

And I couldn’t remember.

So the thought struck me. Would I have acted any differently if I had known it was going to be the last time I would be there? Would I have appreciated it more, and not taken for granted that her company, that beautiful place, and those moments wouldn’t last forever?

I’m not sure, despite knowing that I was a very deep kid, even back then. For instance, on my last day of grade six, I remember lying down on the rope bridge in the school’s play area. I still remember, as though it were yesterday, staring at the pristine blue sky through the tree canopies, while trying to comprehend, with my 12 year old brain, the bittersweet finality of it all. I remember feeling incredibly sad, but also relieved.

But for other things that seemed more usual, like friends, I don’t know if I would have had the same presence of mind, upon figuring out that it might be the last time I’d see them. I sort of always naively thought that friends were forever, back then, or at least, for a while. I don’t think I would have believed it was ending, for all the intense emo-ness I nevertheless had back then.

I think that most of the time, life is easier when yes, changes happen, but you don’t notice them. It’s like, you wake up one morning, and you think about all the people that have passed you by, all the things you’ve done, what phases of your life are over. It’s strange, but since they’re already done, it’s a little easier. It’s when you do know that such periods are ending, that things become tough and sad, sometimes bordering on tragic.

For instance, I knew well ahead of time when the last time I would see my ex was going to be, down to the minute. He left for Asia for a career, and it destroyed me, going as far as ruining most of the time we’d had left before his departure.

I knew that my grandmother was going to die… and while I wasn’t close to her, the impending days were heavy and uncomfortable, and tainted with something rather dark… because even while you know the inevitable will happen, there’s always that hope that there’ll be a different outcome. And yet, I knew that when I saw her last, it would be the last time.

I also knew when my best friend was going to leave for South Africa, when I was 12, to live there indefinitely. For days and days ahead of time, I cried my eyes out.

It's when you see it coming that it hurts most, in some ways. Some people might say that having time to prepare for change is good... but as for myself, I much prefer the ignorance is bliss route. I've suffered enough impending goodbyes to make that choice, I think. I'd rather not know.

For example, I didn’t know when the last time would be that I’d see one of my favorite teachers in grade school, who died unexpectedly. But I assume I had a great time talking with him, and with all the other kids in my class.

I didn’t know when the last day would be that I’d spend at Seigniory street. I didn’t know, and I assume I enjoyed it like all the other times I’d been there.

Sometimes, not knowing is easiest. In that way, I think the human mind, and life is less cruel. We are left with nostalgia and perhaps even sadness, once things are said and done, having zoomed past under our very noses, yes… but the fact that we’re not always aware of things changing or ending saves us quite a bit.

Either way, it just all reminds me to not take any moment for granted, no matter what the context, because it's all relative.

Personally, I don’t know when the last time is that I’ll look upon the sky, or the people I love, or do the things I like to do, and I hope I'll never know. I guess, to me, the key to living life appreciatively and to the fullest is sort of a contradiction. You have to enjoy things and not constantly think of the finality of moments… therefore assuming that tomorrow will come, but at the same time, you have to carpe diem like never will.

Probably doesn’t make sense… but all I know is simply that you never really know, because life is unpredictable.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 09:39:07 GMT

Conversations with the Boytoy...part... uh... 4?

(This was a convo we had some time ago.. so I can't recall exactly, word-for-word, what was said, but this was the gist of it.)

Me*fond look*: Haha... look, it's the hotpot place we went to for our first date. Remember that?

Him: Yeah, of course.

Me: ...I remember feeling super awkward... and concentrating REALLY hard on not dropping the food all over myself. Whose brilliant idea was it to go to friggin' HOT POT, the messiest form of eating of all time, for a first date? *stare*

Him: .... ehm... Well, frankly I don't remember. *cough* All I really remember is also trying not to drop food everywhere.

Me: You're Chinese. You've presumably used chopsticks and eaten strange, unidentifiable vegetables your entire life.

Him:....IRRELEVANT!!!! I've seen how you use forks, Frenchie!!

Me:.... if you say so. But yeah. I almost didn't go... there was that huge snowstorm that night...

Him: Yeah, I hadn't felt like it either, haha. Dating is so awkward, especially when faced with your manly voice on the pho--

*SMACK AND GENERAL VIOLENCE*

Him: Hahaha... Ok but seriously yeah. Awkward. I do remember concentrating hard on eating properly and...

Me: .. and what?

Him: ... not staring at your boobs.

Me: Hmm. Well, in your defence, I remember trying not to stare at your ass, in those bum-tastic tight pants of yours.

Him: Yeah... they are kinda fitted aren't they?

Me: Don't play that game. You know damn well they make you look bootylicious. You totally wore them on purpose that night.

Him: .... Hmmyes. But still. Maybe that's why I sometimes get "the stare" in the Village.

Me: ... Maybe so.

Him: .... I'm never wearing those pants again.

Me:*sadface*